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Silly Tizzy, if you want something that will survive the Abyss, try this
[img]https://i.gadgets360cdn.com/large/Nokia_1100_full_1480507289029.png[/img]
I’m so down for Vaselle popping up. That would be awesome. I really want his inner motivations to come to light. Like, its a really good one! Rejected by god after god so he goes to a Demon Prince? Epic
[quote=The Author Guy;5349][quote=Puck;5337]I remain firmly against Romance. : I The story is strong without it! Besides, its a problem he doesn’t need : I ugh imagine if Lilith got wind of it. [/quote]
As much as some people have complained about the lack of romance, I’ve had just as many, if not more, be happy about the lack of romance.
I think we are in one of those cycles where nearly everything requires romance. Even TV procedurals eventually start slipping romance in.
I blame Sam and Dianne, personally.
[/quote]
I think the potential/hint is enough. Like if the last book had tom asking out somebody, that would be swell. But I agree, everything is Romance these days, its refreshing to see something stand on its on without it. I find it only enhances the story.
I cant copy paste, so this is odd set up!
Pg) 323 Fifth paragraph. Streak should be street i think?
Pg 342) Citadel of Light, Dungeon: Late Fourth Period, Seventh paragraph as these things go, the dhampire says his life could get any wose, might be couldn’t?
Pg 345) last paragraph, a ‘he’ is missing from the threatening of multiple tizzy situation
Pg 346) a ‘get’ is missing from toms inquiry to antefallken about wearing clothes
Side note- it would be awesome if they demonized talarius
Pg 355) Ruiden is missing an ‘and’ when he tells talarius he observed, listened, to the conversation.
Pg 356 ) Citadel of Light, Command Center: Early Fifth Period , First paragraph, Last sentence, the word ‘debated’ is used in lieu of ‘debate’ I think
Side note – how bad are your that you got a homicidal arch demon that destroyed a city say you got serious issues
Side side note – Why does Jenn exist : I What did those poor characters do to you to have such a creature inflicted upon them?
When discussing the links being cut from the doomalogues, the word fail is used instead of fall, or perhaps fail safe?
Pg 376) Rasmeth said “I’m was a high chaplain”
When talarius is explaining his situation to Iskerus he says “its rather long and confusing story”
Overall, I really like the addition. I’m not sure if its the ending, if so its a bit..abrupt? Also, I still can’t fathom why the book is called The Apostles of Doom.
⦁ Pg 11) The D’Orcs had pulled back from Lilith’s embittered demons. The D’Orcs were now surrounding..
Have you considered changing the second sentence to ‘They’ Its just a lot of D’Orcs back to back.⦁ Pg 13) The two armies were both silent for several minutes. Darflow had closed his eyes. He opened them at last, shook his head. “You will honor your word, D’Orc Lord”
Being a little nitpicky here but im gonna point out some query’s. Is this an acknowledgement, an agreement, or a threat, or a blend. Its a bit ambiguous but Darflow seemed to be respectful during the conversation. Granted it looks like Tom trapped him in his own logic. Did that make him a little resentful? It may be useful to add a word or two to illuminate that. Like agree, or grumble, utter, just something that points it out.
⦁ Pg 14) As such, with sufficient training and practice we can traverse vast differences
Should be distances?⦁ Pg 41 paragraph 3, first sentence ,Guest should be Guests
⦁ Pg 44, They stepped through the door, a crackling field of coruscating light dancing over the doorway as each individual as they stepped through
Some additional words methinks
⦁ Pg 104, His physical health had been declining ever more quickly over the last one to two decades. His mind, and his powers, however, remained as powerful as ever.
May consider replacing powerful with Strong. Just to break up word monotony.
⦁ Pg 104, 6th paragraph. “That is what is”
Missing an ‘it’
⦁ Pg 110, this is a curiosity, did tom unconcsiously grow his size? Thats interesting! :3 Also interesting no one mentions it and he doesnt notice.
⦁ Pg 112 last paragraph. Tiernon Sighed. “Well for one thing, it is currently a very positively polarized.”
The ‘a’ between currently and very seems unnecessary⦁ On Pg 143 I always wondered why Tom didn’t think to check the portrait of the demon prince enemies. Even if he didn’t due to the shock of his appearance and orcus’ it would still be a logical thought to have
⦁ Another Note, I am unsure if the reasoning of the El’adasir is placed appropriately. It just seems like its something added in to be added in. Maybe they can remain mysterious for a bit more, talk around the issue and do the reveal another time? As is, it seems silly. Sure its a valid concern, but it just seems odd to go through that because theirs a magic prison they are scared of : I. This may stem from the lack of info we have on their thought process entirely. They don’t come off as particularly noble creatures, granted we see things from the ‘dark’ viewpoint. But even other Forces of so called Good notice their high handedness.
⦁ Chapter 130, fifth paragraph starting at the third sentence reads oddly
⦁ Pg 166, Freehold: Early Third Period. Is smear a type of preserve or something for biscuits?
⦁ Page 171, The Inferno, Late Fourth Period, first paragraph, first sentence. “I will give you one big thing”
⦁ Pg 175, Ithgar, Orcopolis: Late Fifth Period, Sixth paragraph, Used ‘wondering’ instead of ‘wandering’
Just a little expansion to a few questions. orcus created Mount Doom to be able to level the playing field against the gods is what was written. Im assuming this to mean tis his version of a god pool. Why was he so interactive with other pantheons seconds and so forth. He was hailed as a god? While its looking a little more like he was just a very powerful demon, he had, responsibilities? Tartarus being one of them. Why was he out and about dallying, granted he was super powerful, but what happened couldnt have been something he didnt anticipate?
I suppose Im just asking if thats something were going to find out and if theirs some forshadowing in there somewhere, if i missed i thats fine Ill reread it a few times before betas done. But its a thought!
We werent told ‘why’ a god is necessary to manage a prophecy. I didn’t really get much about a dark apostle in the book. I need to take another sweep but was it more subtle than I think of a few nudges to thinking about the concept? I recall wondering if it would be tal’gor or something, kinda hoping talarius would fit the bill but that would be in relation to tom. I didn’t pick up on any particular other faction apostle in alpha
if you can get his original gold with that blur thing Game it would be excellent, I think that went well with the darker tones they were looking for maybe
I got to thinking about this, and what was being discussed, and it does seem plausible that seeds of orcus was scattered as/pre annihilation with Excrathadorus Mortis. I mean, if his goal was some sort of reincarnation why not stack the deck, could Rupert have just as easily been Orcus reincarnated?
Also, good good good idea on the time travel bit. it gets so messy and just ugh ><
