Alpha 2 – Some Minor Things and Opinions
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Exactly!
I should clarify, when I say mostly used with bagels, I meant as a noun. Used as a verb it’s far more common.
Most bagel shops have, in fact, a ‘smear’ list
Which, out of contexts sounds like a list of bad things someone has said about someone else.
Back to the growing/shrinking. It was already there.
Turns out Valg has to blink as Tom is coming up to them because he is both getting closer and shrinking which is rather disconcerting.
The saints do since they are the equivalent of demons and Hilda had that ability in book 2. Apostles probably not unless the have a spell.
On the language issue:
[quote]
Talarius had stopped near the mock combat to observe more closely. An older man, a human in leather armor, teaching them noticed Talarius presence and smiled as he walked over.The teacher nodded in greeting. “Welcome. I am Timeron. You came from the volcano; are you with Lord Tommus?” The man, speaking an oddly accented dialect of High Etonian, extended his hand in greeting.
Talarius blinked, surprised at the man’s friendliness. He quickly pulled off his gauntlet and shook the man’s hand. “Thank you. I am Talarius, I have come from Mount Doom. I am a guest of Lord Tommus.” He felt that was the simplest explanation that wouldn’t raise too many questions.
[/quote]Logic is going to be that they use a version of what the Astlanian’s call Etonian, but is really a language used by the priests/servants/followers of the Five Siblings.
There are different versions/dialects used for different purposes.
It makes sense that they would use it in the Citadel, and since they are all allies, one might figure they know it on Doom. My thought is that it is basically the “trade” language on Nysegard.
It is not the same “trade” as on Astlan, however. But Teragdor and Rasmuth would also know it.
[quote=The Author Guy;4710]Most bagel shops have, in fact, a ‘smear’ list [/quote]
I would therefore pick something on the ‘smear’ list, say a ‘Swift Boat Special’, and receive forthwith a bagel with lax and pineapple?
English is hard, let’s go schtupping!
In Finland we have these:
[img]https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/78/Karjalanpiirakka-20060227.jpg[/img]
You go ‘saisinko karjalanpiirakan munavoilla’, and you’ll receive your Karelian pastry with egg butter.
⦁ Pg 11) The D’Orcs had pulled back from Lilith’s embittered demons. The D’Orcs were now surrounding..
Have you considered changing the second sentence to ‘They’ Its just a lot of D’Orcs back to back.⦁ Pg 13) The two armies were both silent for several minutes. Darflow had closed his eyes. He opened them at last, shook his head. “You will honor your word, D’Orc Lord”
Being a little nitpicky here but im gonna point out some query’s. Is this an acknowledgement, an agreement, or a threat, or a blend. Its a bit ambiguous but Darflow seemed to be respectful during the conversation. Granted it looks like Tom trapped him in his own logic. Did that make him a little resentful? It may be useful to add a word or two to illuminate that. Like agree, or grumble, utter, just something that points it out.
⦁ Pg 14) As such, with sufficient training and practice we can traverse vast differences
Should be distances?⦁ Pg 41 paragraph 3, first sentence ,Guest should be Guests
⦁ Pg 44, They stepped through the door, a crackling field of coruscating light dancing over the doorway as each individual as they stepped through
Some additional words methinks
⦁ Pg 104, His physical health had been declining ever more quickly over the last one to two decades. His mind, and his powers, however, remained as powerful as ever.
May consider replacing powerful with Strong. Just to break up word monotony.
⦁ Pg 104, 6th paragraph. “That is what is”
Missing an ‘it’
⦁ Pg 110, this is a curiosity, did tom unconcsiously grow his size? Thats interesting! :3 Also interesting no one mentions it and he doesnt notice.
⦁ Pg 112 last paragraph. Tiernon Sighed. “Well for one thing, it is currently a very positively polarized.”
The ‘a’ between currently and very seems unnecessary⦁ On Pg 143 I always wondered why Tom didn’t think to check the portrait of the demon prince enemies. Even if he didn’t due to the shock of his appearance and orcus’ it would still be a logical thought to have
⦁ Another Note, I am unsure if the reasoning of the El’adasir is placed appropriately. It just seems like its something added in to be added in. Maybe they can remain mysterious for a bit more, talk around the issue and do the reveal another time? As is, it seems silly. Sure its a valid concern, but it just seems odd to go through that because theirs a magic prison they are scared of : I. This may stem from the lack of info we have on their thought process entirely. They don’t come off as particularly noble creatures, granted we see things from the ‘dark’ viewpoint. But even other Forces of so called Good notice their high handedness.
⦁ Chapter 130, fifth paragraph starting at the third sentence reads oddly
⦁ Pg 166, Freehold: Early Third Period. Is smear a type of preserve or something for biscuits?
⦁ Page 171, The Inferno, Late Fourth Period, first paragraph, first sentence. “I will give you one big thing”
⦁ Pg 175, Ithgar, Orcopolis: Late Fifth Period, Sixth paragraph, Used ‘wondering’ instead of ‘wandering’
Thanks! Will go through this tomorrow, writing at the moment.
We should flag some others in on the discussion of the El’Addasir. That was added in like Alpha-1 to give more context as to why the elves are acting so “un-elfish” in their hurry.
It ties out to the Balance. What Net and Danu are concerned with, which other gods are not aware of, is that they see Orcus’ Doomalogues as a logistical supply line to invading the Outer Planes.
As it is, Midgard is a buffer between the Outer Planes and the Abyss. God/Pantheon Pools can’t connect to the Abyss, and they can’t exist on the Material Planes. So any gods traveling to the Abyss will be cut off.
Demons (other than Orcus) don’t have anything like a god pool. Orcus has something like a god pool. With his Doomalogues he has substations that can draw from the main pool and the other 666 pools and can channel connect to the Outer Planes in a way the gods can’t connect to the Abyss.
Thus Net and Danu see Orcus, who they know has Tartarus, and who is, an Atheist (meaning anti-deist) and a rebel, as building a logistical powerline to the Outer Planes where he can take his war to the gods.
And then add in a bunch of stuff people do not know (but is here in the alpha forums) regarding Eris, Orcus, the Five Siblings and Danu’s relationshhip to all of them….well….
[quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ Pg 11) The D’Orcs had pulled back from Lilith’s embittered demons. The D’Orcs were now surrounding..
Have you considered changing the second sentence to ‘They’ Its just a lot of D’Orcs back to back.
[/quote]
Fixed the next D’Orcs to they, first in paragraph noun, then adjective.
[quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ Pg 13) The two armies were both silent for several minutes. Darflow had closed his eyes. He opened them at last, shook his head. “You will honor your word, D’Orc Lord”Being a little nitpicky here but im gonna point out some query’s. Is this an acknowledgement, an agreement, or a threat, or a blend. Its a bit ambiguous but Darflow seemed to be respectful during the conversation. Granted it looks like Tom trapped him in his own logic. Did that make him a little resentful? It may be useful to add a word or two to illuminate that. Like agree, or grumble, utter, just something that points it out.
[/quote]
Yes, resentful to some extent, but also a statement of what he (Darflow) would do. He will make Tom hold his word.
[quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ Pg 14) As such, with sufficient training and practice we can traverse vast differences
Should be distances?
[/quote]
Traversing vast differences would be a great skill for a negotiator/diplomat or therapist.
🙂
Thx[quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ Pg 41 paragraph 3, first sentence ,Guest should be Guests⦁ Pg 44, They stepped through the door, a crackling field of coruscating light dancing over the doorway as each individual as they stepped through
Some additional words methinks
⦁ Pg 104, His physical health had been declining ever more quickly over the last one to two decades. His mind, and his powers, however, remained as powerful as ever.
May consider replacing powerful with Strong. Just to break up word monotony.
⦁ Pg 104, 6th paragraph. “That is what is”
Missing an ‘it’
[/quote]
Fixed, thx.
[quote=Puck;4694
⦁ Pg 110, this is a curiosity, did tom unconcsiously grow his size? Thats interesting! :3 Also interesting no one mentions it and he doesnt notice.
[/quote]
No, he concsciously grew his size. 🙂 He really is doing it consciously.I will add a line that he shrinks back down when he comes to meet everyone.
[quote=Puck;4694
⦁ Pg 112 last paragraph. Tiernon Sighed. “Well for one thing, it is currently a very positively polarized.”
The ‘a’ between currently and very seems unnecessary
[/quote]
and incorrect. gone.
[quote=Puck;4694
⦁ On Pg 143 I always wondered why Tom didn’t think to check the portrait of the demon prince enemies. Even if he didn’t due to the shock of his appearance and orcus’ it would still be a logical thought to have
[/quote]
Good idea! He is spending quite a bit of time in Chapters post 140 in the LoD working with Antefalken on shapechanging. He should take a look at some of the others. Oooh….I know one that will send him and the readers off the wall![quote=Puck;4694
⦁ Another Note, I am unsure if the reasoning of the El’adasir is placed appropriately. It just seems like its something added in to be added in. Maybe they can remain mysterious for a bit more, talk around the issue and do the reveal another time? As is, it seems silly. Sure its a valid concern, but it just seems odd to go through that because theirs a magic prison they are scared of : I. This may stem from the lack of info we have on their thought process entirely. They don’t come off as particularly noble creatures, granted we see things from the ‘dark’ viewpoint. But even other Forces of so called Good notice their high handedness.⦁ Chapter 130, fifth paragraph starting at the third sentence reads oddly
[/quote]
Revised (I think you mean this one)
On the orc side, Tal Gor was bringing his oldest brother and only sister, Bor Tal and Soon An; his brother Fel Nor was stay behind to continue his work with the tribe.
[quote=Puck;4694
⦁ Pg 166, Freehold: Early Third Period. Is smear a type of preserve or something for biscuits?
[/quote]
Ah, that’s very american/NYC. Didn’t even think of it.About the only place you (or I guess I) use the phrases is with a bagal. “Bagal and smear” Often pronounced “Bagal and schmear” soft “c” like a hard “sh”
A smear is something you “smear” on your bagal. Typically some form of cream cheese, but it can be peanut butter, jelly/jan/preservative, or butter etc.
Now, if I were going authentic, for Tizzy and Tom, I would add some lox on top of the smear and a couple capers.
However, not sure how well the lox would stand up in the Abyss. (lox is a brined salmon filet)
[quote=Puck;4694
⦁ Page 171, The Inferno, Late Fourth Period, first paragraph, first sentence. “I will give you one big thing”⦁ Pg 175, Ithgar, Orcopolis: Late Fifth Period, Sixth paragraph, Used ‘wondering’ instead of ‘wandering’
[/quote]
What is wrong with the P.171?
Fixed the wandering wondering.
Thanks
[quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ Pg 11) The D’Orcs had pulled back from Lilith’s embittered demons. The D’Orcs were now surrounding..
Have you considered changing the second sentence to ‘They’ Its just a lot of D’Orcs back to back.
[/quote]
Fixed the next D’Orcs to they, first in paragraph noun, then adjective.
[quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ Pg 13) The two armies were both silent for several minutes. Darflow had closed his eyes. He opened them at last, shook his head. “You will honor your word, D’Orc Lord”Being a little nitpicky here but im gonna point out some query’s. Is this an acknowledgement, an agreement, or a threat, or a blend. Its a bit ambiguous but Darflow seemed to be respectful during the conversation. Granted it looks like Tom trapped him in his own logic. Did that make him a little resentful? It may be useful to add a word or two to illuminate that. Like agree, or grumble, utter, just something that points it out.
[/quote]
Yes, resentful to some extent, but also a statement of what he (Darflow) would do. He will make Tom hold his word.
[quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ Pg 14) As such, with sufficient training and practice we can traverse vast differences
Should be distances?
[/quote]
Traversing vast differences would be a great skill for a negotiator/diplomat or therapist.
🙂
Thx[quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ Pg 41 paragraph 3, first sentence ,Guest should be Guests⦁ Pg 44, They stepped through the door, a crackling field of coruscating light dancing over the doorway as each individual as they stepped through
Some additional words methinks
⦁ Pg 104, His physical health had been declining ever more quickly over the last one to two decades. His mind, and his powers, however, remained as powerful as ever.
May consider replacing powerful with Strong. Just to break up word monotony.
⦁ Pg 104, 6th paragraph. “That is what is”
Missing an ‘it’
[/quote]
Fixed, thx.
[quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ Pg 110, this is a curiosity, did tom unconcsiously grow his size? Thats interesting! :3 Also interesting no one mentions it and he doesnt notice.
[/quote]
No, he concsciously grew his size. 🙂 He really is doing it consciously.I will add a line that he shrinks back down when he comes to meet everyone.
[quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ Pg 112 last paragraph. Tiernon Sighed. “Well for one thing, it is currently a very positively polarized.”
The ‘a’ between currently and very seems unnecessary
[/quote]
and incorrect. gone.
[quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ On Pg 143 I always wondered why Tom didn’t think to check the portrait of the demon prince enemies. Even if he didn’t due to the shock of his appearance and orcus’ it would still be a logical thought to have
[/quote]
Good idea! He is spending quite a bit of time in Chapters post 140 in the LoD working with Antefalken on shapechanging. He should take a look at some of the others. Oooh….I know one that will send him and the readers off the wall![quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ Another Note, I am unsure if the reasoning of the El’adasir is placed appropriately. It just seems like its something added in to be added in. Maybe they can remain mysterious for a bit more, talk around the issue and do the reveal another time? As is, it seems silly. Sure its a valid concern, but it just seems odd to go through that because theirs a magic prison they are scared of : I. This may stem from the lack of info we have on their thought process entirely. They don’t come off as particularly noble creatures, granted we see things from the ‘dark’ viewpoint. But even other Forces of so called Good notice their high handedness.⦁ Chapter 130, fifth paragraph starting at the third sentence reads oddly
[/quote]
Revised (I think you mean this one)
On the orc side, Tal Gor was bringing his oldest brother and only sister, Bor Tal and Soon An; his brother Fel Nor was stay behind to continue his work with the tribe.
[quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ Pg 166, Freehold: Early Third Period. Is smear a type of preserve or something for biscuits?
[/quote]
Ah, that’s probably very American/NYC. Didn’t even think of it.About the only place you (or I guess I) use the phrases is with a bagal. “Bagel and smear” Often pronounced “Bagel and schmear” soft “c” like a hard “sh”
A smear is something you “smear” on your bagal. Typically some form of cream cheese, but it can be peanut butter, jelly/jan/preservative, or butter etc.
Now, if I were going authentic, for Tizzy and Tom, I would add some lox on top of the smear and a couple capers.
However, not sure how well the lox would stand up in the Abyss. (lox is a brined salmon filet)
[quote=Puck;4694]
⦁ Page 171, The Inferno, Late Fourth Period, first paragraph, first sentence. “I will give you one big thing”⦁ Pg 175, Ithgar, Orcopolis: Late Fifth Period, Sixth paragraph, Used ‘wondering’ instead of ‘wandering’
[/quote]
What is wrong with the P.171?
Fixed the wandering wondering.
Thanks
Just realized the smear comment was for Hilda with a smear on her biscuit ring.
Thought you were talking about Tizzy’s bagel.
She’s basically eating a bagel and smear, she just doesn’t have the reference point for the word.
“the biscuit ring half with smear that she’d been about to”
[quote=The Author Guy;4707]
About the only place you (or I guess I) use the phrases is with a bagal. “Bagel and smear” Often pronounced “Bagel and schmear” soft “c” like a hard “sh”A smear is something you “smear” on your bagal. Typically some form of cream cheese, but it can be peanut butter, jelly/jan/preservative, or butter etc.
[/quote][youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygEuglq_Yck[/youtube]
Coincidentally how I imagined Tizzy and Boggy at the beginning of book 1.
[quote]“Who goes there?” Karis demanded holding up her ceremonial blade in defense.
The half-orc blinked a few times, his eyes also adjusting to the darkness of the chapel. “I am Teragdor al Tiernon, Apostle of Tiernon in Astlan.” He spoke haltingly as if Nysgardean was not his first language. “I come seeking the assistance of those of the Five Siblings faiths in retrieving a Knight Rampant from Astlan held prisoner in Nysegard. Who am I addressing?”
[/quote]
and
[quote]Karis shook her head in puzzlement, “No, what’s a rod? He is the Vicar General of the Shield of Tiernon.”
“Is everything OK in there? I told you the rangers should go first. If you are dead Teragdor, I will not hear the end of it.” A voice from the courtyard shouted in a rather hard to understand version of Nysegardean.
Teragdor shook his head, speaking in his more understandable accented Nysegardean. “I am good, I am simply speaking with Karis, Battle Priestess of Tiernon.”
[/quote]That looks very tasty. So that is like eggs, milk and butter inside?
Almost looks like cheese!
I can find recipes, but no place around here serving it.
Surprisingly, Google Maps is not finding a lot of Finnish restaurants, all it dredges up are Swedish restaurants.
Of which, we have lot…
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