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Was going to wait until Beta 1 for the typos – but these jumped out at me..
Chapter 142
Mount Doom: Early Third Period
“By that point we were so close that I didn’t have the [h]heart[/h], to break his [h]heart[/h]” – repetitive use of the word heart sounds a little funny….Chapter 144
Mount Doom: Council Chamber
“Orcus’ uncle..” Phaestus nodded. “Only one of my sister’s kids I ever liked. Well, [h]Logoi [/h]is….” – shouldn’t this be LokiKrallnomton: Midday
No, what I can’t accept is that Tiernon and our Church has [h]old [/h]taught us…. – should this be always???[quote=The Author Guy;5152]
Nope different pantheon. Logoi is another child of Eris, whose name is interpreted as story, it’s also the plural of Logos, which means idea or concept.
[/quote]You might need to make this clearer then in the book – we haven’t heard of Logoi before, only Loki – I’m sure that I’m not going to be the only person that thinks this is a typo….
A few things that seemed a fit ‘off’ to me….
It seemed that Tom could easily open the gateway between the Isle of Doom and the Citadel….I was under the impression that the spell dome would have prevented this from happening…..
The avatars where cut off from all of their followers except for the ones on Nysegard….why couldn’t they follow they ties to their other followers on Nysegard in the other locations and teleport there??? I originally thought (before the release of Beta 0) that the Citadel was the only location that the 5 Siblings people where – was a bit surprised to find out just before the battle that there where other locations around the world. This suddenly dropped the tension level – the threat of annihilation from the world…….if the Storm Lords had been planning this for years, wouldn’t they also be targeting the other locations at the same time????
How did Tom manage to open a portal above the battle??? Up until now, he has only opened portals between planes and has always needed an ‘anchor’ of some type at the target location…..now he can open portals within the same plane without a ‘anchor’
[quote=The Author Guy;5130]
The Trumpet of Doom is linked to Tom (remember when he gives it to Talarius), as long as he has a link, he can follow it. The only limit would be needing to follow a link through an abyssal wormhole to cross interstellar distances.
I can add that in to what Tom says to Talarius.[/quote]
I remember Tom giving Talarius the horn – but didn’t get the implication that it was the anchor – actually no real explanation of what it would do.
I’m a little bit surprised (and disappointed :^o ) that you didn’t use the sound track “Thunderstruck” by ACDC for your music in the battle – several other authors and TV shows tend to use that for their battle scenes…..[flapper]
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9Gq0DdCkwU[/YOUTUBE]
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5TBRgtogtc[/YOUTUBE]
The author Joshua Dalzelle also uses it a scene in his book Omega Force: Return of the Archon
These guys don’t spin webs – they are an ambush predator, that’s why you find them in the unusual places…..but there is nothing worst then have one of these run across you in the middle of the night….the original face hugger
They can get up to about 6 inches in size….
A D’Arachnid has be spotted in Australia…..
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gl6Vo0NBJPw[/YOUTUBE]
This footage came from the small city of Mackay, about mid-way up the Queensland coast.
The Huntsman spider is very common in Queensland – they are the one that you are most likely to find running around the walls of your house.
Their venom isn’t dangerous to humans, but they are big and fast……and surprisingly resistant to insect spray…..most people kill them with a shoe – which can be very funny to watch especially if the person is a bit slower then the spider.
They give most people a fright as they tend to turn up in the most unusual and unexpected places……see the third image
This is what they look like up close….
[img=http://www.canberratimes.com.au/content/dam/images/3/4/a/2/9/image.related.articleLeadwide.620×349.34adn.png/1394121600000.jpg]Huntsman spider 1[/img]
[img=https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5f/Sparassidae_Palystes_castaneus_mature_female_9929s.jpg]Huntsman 2[/img]
[img=http://www.certifiedpropertysolutions.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/huntsmanSpider.jpg]Huntsman 3[/img]
[quote=Giwdul;5028]The Doomalogue of Nysegard(DON) came on at DOA+5.
We are now at DOA+18 and haven’t heard a peep about the next one getting ready to come online. The DON started charging right after the battle. Shouldn’t the next one have then started coming up? Even if there was a delay of a few days for the pools to recharge after booting up the DON shouldn’t the next one be powering up by now?[/quote]I think that Mount Doom got a big boost from the fight in the Abyss when the Chaos Knights were absorbed. Since the DON came online – no big boosts of energy to ‘help’ things along.
Just thinking more about the balling….it could raise more issues then it is worth – depends on were you what to take the plot…
Some of the issues that I just thought about are:
The Nimbus crew would see:
Talarius fighting on the side of Tom – this would generate a lot of confusion for those people that believe that Talarius is being tortured
The involvement of the Chaos knights in the fight
The involvement Sekhmekt in the fight on Tom’s side – from the same pantheon of the goddess that the Nimbus is tracking…This could ramp up the tension on the crew of the Nimbus
Jenn and Gastrope may have seen it previously when they were meeting with Gal Tor….would / could be another set of “secrets” that they know about Tom and the D’Orcs & Orcs…that they could possible let slip (to some extent)
[quote=EyeDeKay;4827]As for the earlier theory of release the kraken now mostly dead from the plane blocking spell which needs a awesome name.
[/quote]From what I can gather the spell is a dome around the Citadel – has no effect on the Isle of Doom….and the boundaries are the wards – some of which are on the ships…..nothing stopping the summoning of the Kraken outside the boundary – right next to the ships with the wards…and attack the wards from the outside
[quote=The Author Guy;4790]Going over all of these in a first pass.
One thing about having it now with Talarius is to see his world view destroyed/broken even more. Suddenly his god up in heaven is the step brother of this Edwyrd guy who’s just a normal “Joe”It should be extremely demoralizing to him, I would expect.
[/quote]
It might have more impact if Talarius recognized Tiernon in the the image first, he might even be able to identify the other 5 siblings in the image – he would surely know what his god looked like – he would have seen status etc of Tiernon at the very least…
What form is Orcus in, in the image (too early in the morning to remember) – is he in his Demon form or human form?? If it is human, it might have more impact on the later scene when Edwyrd is giving his new robes a test drive and is talking to Talarius……
Also, can’t remember if Talarius has even been in the same room (since coming to the Abyss) as Tom when he has been in his Edwyrd form…..again, this might have an impact on the scene with the memory mirror and the the New Robe Test Drive scene
Actually, I have vague memories of Talarius finding out the Tom was Edwyrd in bk2….sometime around the whole oathtaking of the D’Orcs in Mt Doom.
Another early morning thought…
In what I’m now calling the “Emperor’s new Robe” scene (aka Chapter 143: Isle of Doom, Krallnomton: Early Third Period)
[quote]”And that is where I recognize you from. You are not that different from the form you took at the end of our battle.” Talarius said.[/quote]
This conflicts with the description of the human form that Tom used at the end of the bk1 fight…
[quote]Tom was moved, a little. He relaxed and allowed himself to shift to human form. He didn’t shift to Edwyrd—he wasn’t that stupid—rather, he shifted to a young man a few years older than himself. Someone who looked vaguely like his friend Paul, but a bit more fit and a bit older.[/quote]
Tom purposely went with a human form unlike his normal appearance – he went with one modeled on a friend – I don’t think there was a description of what Paul looked like in bk1 – but I doubt he actually looked like Tom.
[quote=EyeDeKay;4816]Lastly the point in my earlier post, no one on The Nimbus talks about The queen of the abyss sent an army of demons to attack and lose against a demon prince. And that army switching sides.[/quote]
Agree…more concern over this would be good…
Also, have you thought of Zargvarst bringing a copy of Antefalken’s balling of the battle to show the Orcs….this could then be used as proof of Lord Tommus’s word.
[quote=Iume;4740]I dunno, I don’t think Talarius will forsake Tiernon, but he will likely have a change of heart and be somewhat allied to to Tommus. Of course everyone else will think he has turned except on Nysegard.[/quote]
There is always the option for Talarius to become Tiernon liason to Tom – to open up communication – I doubt any other representative of Tiernon’s would have as good a chance of being believed – or living long with the D’Orcs
