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[color=blue]Each viewer suddenly knew what the person whose memory they shared knew, they could remember the events of the last several days, the fear the siege.[/color]
Missing a “,” between “the fear the siege”
should be
Each viewer suddenly knew what the person whose memory they shared knew, they could remember the events of the last several days, [b]the fear, the siege[/b].
[b]Courts of Chaos, Lilith’s Chambers: DOA + 2, Early Third Period[/b]
[color=blue]In fact, he was not sure he could recall the last time she had behaved this way. [i]Certainly, it would have to be have been before Orcus’ passing. Or rather, his first passing[/i], Asmodeus took another sip of tea[/color]
The “Or rather, his first passing” implies that Lilith and Asmodeus have made the connection that Tom is Orcus reborn……can’t remember if Lilith and Asmodeus are aware of or believe in the D’Orc prophesy about Orcus’ return……at this stage Lilith had sent her army off to fight new upstart Major demon.
Are the Djinn going to get involved in the big fight at the Citadel???
Just re-reading Chapter 120 – where Tamarin is explaining how if a Djinn finds Exador – they will report him and work towards punishment…
If Tamarin is with Tom in the battle and they find out that Exador is on the Storm Lords side in the battle – will the Djinn become involved?????
The Djinn have had relations with Mount Doom and Orcus previously….so I assume that Orcus was the anchor for the Djinn ‘military advisor’ – what happen with this Djinn when Orcus was killed – was the Djinn cut off with the interdiction was well???? Did EM harm the Djinn when it killed Orcus…would this be classified as a direct attack on the Djinn and mean that Sentir Falon was now an ememy of the Djinn as well???
[b]Chapter 118
Mount Doom: DOA + 2, Mid First Period[/b][color=blue]Tom had to admit sharing memories of both the battle and Vaselle’s conversations with the others regarding what Gastrope had told them was extremely efficient. It was much faster and a far richer that speaking; it would just take some learning not to accidentally overshare.[/color]
[b]Chapter 121
Murgatroy[/b][color=blue]They had all eaten dinner together, everyone, including Gastrope and Tom had shown them the balling of the battle.
That battle! It was absolutely insane! Vaselle could barely understand much of hte magic that had been used.[/color]In Chapter 118 – Tom is thinking about how he shared the memory of battle with Vaselle……while in Chapter 121 Vaselle is talking about the balling of the battle as if this is the first time that he’s seen it….
Either:
Remove the mention of Tom sharing the memory in Chapter 118..
or
Change Chapter 121 to imply that although Vaselle has the direct memory from Tom – the balling is the first time that the others have seen the battle, and also it comes from a different perspective then the memory from Tom – ie. he could see things that Tom couldn’t
Murgatroy
[color=blue][b]Gastrope had all filled them in on[/b] what he was doing, what the Nimbus was up to, and how the alvar had all freaked out by a simple shopping trip.[/color]
Should be:
[b]Gastrope had filled them all[/b] in on what he was doing…..
[quote=Burien;5318]
And if you think Jenn is bad, just find any teenage girl and hide her cell phone. Jenn will seem like a saint then.[/quote]
It all depends on whether the girl is more traditionally female or a tom boy…….
I know when I was growing up, I was more often in the mud and the dirt or building things as opposed to the whole clothes, makeup and heaven forbid ‘dolls’ – Barbie still gives me nightmares…..
Although, growing up around big trucks and heavy machinery may have had something to do with it as well [lol]
Jenn strikes me more as a tom boy…
She has chosen a career as basically a herb / plant / earth mage (can’t remember the term off the top of my head) – which means she needs to go out into nature to gather plants – and is more then likely having to dig in the dirt mostly by herself……to me this is not a ‘glamorous’ career, where you can ‘look pretty’ when doing it..and be surrounded by admirers while she does it
I would image that there are other magic fields that she could have gone into that are more glamorous – probably something to do with illusion or body modification – more focused on improving (or hiding) imperfections – in other words ‘it’s all about me’
and I haven’t seen her do the ‘typically’ girly reaction it things – squeal, it’s a mouse….squeal, it’s a demon….or expect the males around her to take care of the mouse / demon
also, she doesn’t seem to be very focused on her appearance…..no, ‘Oh, no I broke a nail’ from Jenn
Off beat query – what is the gender distribution for mages??? Is it a 50% male / 50% female or is it more bias to one gender???
Tom boys tend to gravitate to non-traditional female careers….I know when I first started studying IT, especially writing code – it was a male dominated field (90%) male
[quote=The Author Guy;5299][quote=GameGraphix;5296]Why not have them turn up while TOM is in the big battle at Nysegard…..then you can progress their story from the end of bk 3 into the beginning of book 4[/quote]
I think because if they show up during Nysegard, Arg-nargoloth won’t be so relaxed and might assume it’s part of a plot to take Tom down. During Nysegard, Doom is at full battlestations, paranoid of another crippling attack.
As it is now, he sort of slaps them with the back of his hand telling them to bug off. A warning shot.
However at red alert, he might hit them with a whole bunch of gravity canons to destroy them rather than take any risks.
[/quote]
If you want to do it before the battle – how about at the same time that Tom is showing off his new clothes to Talarius
Just thinking about the Inferno and it’s run in with Mount Doom…. I can’t remember anyone actually telling Talarius that a flying submarine had turned up looking for him….when is he going to find out????
[quote=The Author Guy;5286]Doh.
2) Tom can’t be home when the Inferno shows up at Doom.
[/quote]
Why not have them turn up while TOM is in the big battle at Nysegard…..then you can progress their story from the end of bk 3 into the beginning of book 4
Some early morning thoughts / questions….
[list][*]Why is Tom in hand-to-hand combat in the battle??? He does have access to mana, so he could be doing some animagic(sp) – or at the very least take on the form of the Living Flame like he did in the first book – this would be an effective form to use to battle undead and ice dragons. We haven’t seen Tom perform any animagic during the book, like bk1 or bk2.
[*]Some one mentioned the need for the transition scene for Tom before the battle….could be interesting to have a “suck it up buttercup, it’s time to put on the big boy pants…you have a lot of people depending on you,…you’re the only one that can do it” scene….and it would be interesting for Talarius to give the slap around the face for the following reasons:[list]
[*]Now that Talarius knows how demons are created and that Tom is only 17, he has been treating he more like a human….I’m sure that Talarius has had to mentor/train young men as Spires or Knights-in-Training, especially before a battle….this would be something that he would have done before
[*]It could also act as an epiphany for himself to get through some of his own self doubt that he has been struggling with[/list][/list][quote=The Author Guy;5233]
The thing is, the Storm Lords pulverized the cities on the Isle of Doom. So they have some heavy artillery to bring to bear–if they were prepared for such a battle, and I am not sure they are. I don’t think they brought their D’Orc smashing equipment. They were relying very heavily on the beacons to cut off the priests and then use traditional air and ground troops.
Now they are in trouble. Do I let them pull out the heavy stuff, the stuff they probably wouldn’t have lugged half-way around the world?[/quote]
The Storm Lords know that Tom / Orcus is in the fight…and they know that Tom’s staging area was the Isle of Doom – instead of bringing their big guns own to the Citadel to fight….they could try to get Tom to withdraw by threaten the Isle of Doom with the big guns…..we then have a fight at two locations and Tom and Co. having to co-ordinate between the two…
The Storm Lords don’t know from where or how the priests & avatars are getting mana – so they don’t know of that there are others outside the interdiction…
but one way to get allies to withdraw forces / support from a your enemy is to threaten their base of operations or supply line – forces the ally to reassess their priorities on what is more important – their own resources or their commitment to their ally
Yep…but TAG did mention that the big guns where on the other side of the planet, still there from when they trash the cities on the Isle of Doom – so I’m assuming that they are closer to the Isle of Doom then the Citadel….
They would only need a way of real time communication to set something up
Would be a good way to bring Sekmekt, Phaestus and their avatars into the fight without directly working with the 5S
