[Netter]

I was in the beta for Heavenly Host, so am I in the Apostles of Doom beta as well, or do I need to be re-demonified?

Would that make me a double demon? How does that work 😛

[Netter]

Does antimus act the same as animus, except ‘negatively charged’, or does it behave differently on its own?

If it behaves differently on its own, then maybe there is no anit-abyss, but the dragons are ‘demonfied’ anitmus beings, seeing as they regenerate differently. There could be a capital city of anti-demons in the abyss, and no one has found it yet (or said anything about it), because of the whole ‘horizon-into-infinity thing it has going for it. The few dragons you see could be the anti-equivalent of demons running off as far as they can to get away from Lilith.

But if there is an anti-abyss, seeing as you yourself said the abyss is centrally located Tizzy, maybe its just the flip side of the abyss… Have you tried digging down for a thousand years or so? Maybe the ‘ground’ of the abyss isn’t infinite, and there is just another infinity of pain and suffering on the other side.

[Netter]

Tizzy doesn’t have much to worry about on the death front… Even if he is wrong and there is true death, he knows we come from planes where anything like that would be hard to pull off…

What he really needs to worry about is the networking the forum demons have in their planes, along with any adjacent. Any group will only take so much, if Tizzy isn’t careful he could end up having his true name uploaded to multiple networks… and what is uploaded may never vanish!

Be careful Tizzy, or you could have nothing to look forward to but constant ‘serving accursed master whats-his-name’ for the next 1,200 years or more. True name easily accessible across multiple planes and temporal speeds, for any wizard to use whenever they feel like it?

Sounds like the kind of nightmare you hate, the kind with peace, and those cloud bears that shoot rainbow brainwashing beams from their navel.

[Netter]

There are down sides, like TAG said…

Now we Beta Demon’s live with the knowledge that we will never again have ‘5 Fruit Pie’, as 3 of the 5 ingredients no longer exist.

The pie wasn’t a lie, it was one of the best confections in existence, but sadly it is no more than a Tizzy-cookie dream now…

[Netter]

Ooo! I like that one, change my vote from ‘Children of Doom’ to ‘Legacy of Doom’!

[Netter]

Eh, I have put my vote in. I check the boards fairly freequently, but dont post much unless I have something to add, or for the beta revisions.

My vote was for ‘Children of Doom’ but maybe for the wrong reason… It immediatly reminded me of ‘Childred of Dune’, and I though it went well with some of nods to other tropes and series through the books 😛

My second favorite is ‘Heir of Orcus’.

[Netter]

I thought the book was only being published in low mana planes, so whats the problem 😛

I dont think its too early to call him a Dark Lord, because at this point while he isnt calling himself that yet, everyone who knows about him thinks he is. They all think he must be thousands of years old, and have some long thought up plan conceived in hiding, for such a powerful demon to be unknown. If not ‘Dark Lord’ then some other menacing title is going through peoples minds. Demon Prince, Arch Terror? It should be fine as long as its clear people think that about him, not Tom thinking it himself.

As for too much information, I see what you mean, and I have always found summarizing fairly hard. How to give a hint of what happened, and what will happen, without giving everything away and also leaving a hook to interest people?

From the original blerb above, I think the bit about Lenamare could be taken out, as people who havent read the first book wont know who he is. I think who expelled the demon army and archdemons from Freehold isnt as important as the fact that it happened. On the reverse end I think it is ok to leave Talarius’s name there.

[Netter]

Here are two slightly different versions of my try at a blurb. I tried to keep them in the same tone as the blerb for the first book as much as I could.

****

Thomasedwardperkinje, ancient and powerful Dark Lord, finally putting his centuries long strategy into motion, to kill or conquer the mortals on the plane of Astlan… Or at least that is what a lot of powerful people believe…

But no good deed goes unpunished, and trying to help some people and break from being a demon ‘stereotype’ goes worse than Tom could have imagined. Now lots of important people think he, the only weeks old demon, is an ancient power bent on taking over Astlan with a demon army.

It doesn’t help that he kind of DID uncover a demon army along the way. Or that he possessed a bunch of priests, and kidnapped a holey Knight after kicking his butt. OR that he stole mana from a god and defied death to do all that…

Now it’s not just important people that Tom has to worry about, as powerful beings in ‘heaven’ and ‘hell’ are looking for him now, and there may be nowhere in the Abyss he can hide. Given that his new friends (as well as everyone else in this new section of the multiverse) seem crazy, Tom will need a miracle to get out of this alive. Lucky for him, he just stole one.

***

Thomasedwardperkinje, ancient and powerful Dark Lord, finally acting after centuries of planning, begins meddling with the mortals on the plane of Astlan… Or at least that is what a lot of powerful people believe…

Really Tom has only been a demon for a few weeks, and is struggling to adapt to a life of eternal slavery to mages and everyone thinking he is an evil monster. It doesn’t help that while trying to find his footing (hoofing?) in this new world, he accidently causes people to think he is leading a demon army on a campaign of destruction, THEN uncovers a real demon army.

Humiliating a religious warrior order, possessing priests, kidnapping their Holy Champion, and stealing mana from a god hasnt seemed to calm the situation…

Powerful beings in ‘heaven’ and ‘hell’ are now looking for Tom, trying to find out what he is really up to, while he just wants to crawl under a rock until it all goes away. But there ARE plans, from both above and below that could affect the multiverse, one of which includes Tom specifically.

Tom and his new friends, who he is convinced are crazier than the rest of this messed up world, will need a miracle to stay alive. Luckily, he just stole one.

[Netter]

Hmm…

Since hell HAS frozen over (at least for a little bit), the multiverse is going to need a new saying… Maybe ‘When Lilith gives to charity?’

[Netter]

Maybe a small addition to Arg-nargiloth’s after battle monologue in 115.0, about getting the D’Orc troops to round up the various dismemberd demon pieces to capture and deal with later, or something similar. Then in book 3 the demons are stored somewhere (or still outside but under guard) literally pulling themselves together.

As I read the current changes as most of the demon army was wiped out permanently with the additional troops and active Doom defenses.

[Netter]

One thing I wasnt clear on at the end of the fight in Beta 4, is if Tom still took a large number of Lilith’s demons into his group to spare them from ‘final death’ once he was done with the Chaos Knights. Were all of the ‘enemy’ wiped out, or will their capture and allegiance be in book 3?

I thought the recruitment of the unwilling soldiers was more in Toms character than wholesale slaughter, given he has an alternative, and seems to go along with the kind of ‘Dark Lord’ he wants to be. It also nicely filled the ‘Doom needs more bodies’ requirement, as I doubt the Nyjyr Ennead would be moving significant forces into Doom from their moon, even with Hephaestus wanting to move in.

[Netter]

Saw this thread and thought it would be ok to post the notes I have all at once like above. If you still want them in seperate threads let me know. I have checked to make sure none of mine are duplicates to other peoples notes, but may have missed some.

(87.2B) “We need [h]to [/h] all the expertise we can get…” Take out the ‘to’

(83.8) “He is a threat to [h]use[/h]. The anilords were a threat to us…” Threat to us?

(86.6) “It [h]was [/h]definitely [h]was [/h]embarrassing for the poor incubus…” Remove one of the ‘was’, it seems to work either way.

(92.24) “Every moment I sit here listening to these demons [h]was [/h]pure torture” Talarius thought to himself”
Correction to ‘is pure torture’?

(94A.4)
“Really hot fire can in theory damage [h]liches them [/h]but their intense coldness acts like very good armor…” Either ‘damage them’ or ‘damage liches’ and remove the them.

“Peter ignored [h]the lightning[/h] laughed, as did Penelope…” and laughed.

(97.0) “Our problem has been that just [h]having experienced[/h] priest, pretending…” change to ‘an experienced priest’?

(97.1) “Well it will not [h]be problem[/h] for a D’Orc hunting party…” be a problem.

(97.2) “He certainly did not want to go as far as he had [h]with rod[/h] of Tommus.” with the rod of Tommus.

(98.5) “An archdemon has free reign over multiple planes and thousands of [h]year[/h]…” change to years.

(98.7) “It appeared that numerous branches had [h]started show[/h] signs of overzealousness in the pursuit of justice and righteousness.” Either ‘had started to show’ or ‘had started showing’.

(99.0) “Randolf shook [h]his at[/h] the very odd title.” Shook his head?

(99.3) “… upon which Exador, Ramses the Damned, [h]and woman[/h] with an unknown woman were all having…” to ‘and an unknown woman…’?

(100.3) “Not all [h]of allies[/h] have been completely reliable.” Our allies?

(102.3) “I have to get back to [h]open gate[/h] for the next hunting party…” Open a gate.

(105.0) “so” [h]Tom “[/h] We want to…” Tom said?

(110.2) “Interesting” Antefalken mused. “[h]There[/h] is all way before my time…” ‘This ia all…’

(110.3) “She is in the bottle? So Tamarin is a girl. Why did you keep calling her an it?”

Tizzy had been calling the Djinn ‘hir’ previously, not it, he called the golem an it, but then switched to hir when speaking of the Djinn. Im guessing hir is a between form or ‘her’ and ‘him’, but sounded out sounds like her. So would Tom really be surprised at the Djinn being a girl? Maybe replace the hir with it, so the Djinn isnt referenced to a gender until the link is formed.

(110.4) “He hoped that they were just rusty with their instruments and were not actually [h]try[/h] to get such an extreme hard-core industrial sound.” trying

(114.9)
Entropy doesn’t seem to be the right word, as I understand it entropy is actually the cooling and lessening of energy in the universe over time, and is also called the ‘heat death’ of the universe. Tom weakennig them by draining energy (fire), and all the other wording, implies a stirring up and agitation of energy, not its dying off.

[Netter]

Since when is a long book a bad thing? 😛

One of the things I hate most is when I go to a book store and see thin books. I always want MORE. Its one of the reasons I cant read short stories, unless they are smaller side stories of a larger series, because its over just as I get into it.

I hate the attention span the current ‘general audience’ has these days, and the tendency of editors/publishers to recommend cutting down book size (from what I have read from various authors).

I have also read some reviews where they put in ‘the book being too long’ as a negative. Not that any of that length was badly written, but that it was too long and they had trouble keeping their attention on it >_< This is why we cant have nice things...

[Netter]

I loved the grove part, and the two Aetos were two of my favorite new side characters.

I see what people mean about the rollercoaster part, maybe make it a primitive train or minecart syste, detail the beginning then cut to their arrival and how J&G hated the speed/experience?

For the cloud ship ride, maybe Tom (or Tizzy checking for Tom) could check up on them during the ride?

[Netter]

I like his introspective moments as well. He is just a teenager, dealing with all this crazy, and now people actively trying to kill him instead of benig in danger.

He keeps his calm in front of everyone, since this whole house of cards has been built on people thinking he is an old experienced demon. Without the introspection I think he would come off as taking all of this far too calmly.

One of the problems with beta demons, we all have different ideas and preferences as to how a scene/book should go 😛 At the end, there are just a few left, standing on top of the corpses holding their bloodied edit version.

[Author]

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