Blurb–Back Cover Text
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I do like the succinctness.
I think the full version might actually be hard to fit on the back cover of the physical book.
Of course, I could have two different ones, particularly since 99.99999% chance that anyone buying the Dead Tree Edition will be buying it online and not on a regular bookshelf.
In the last year and a half, I think I’ve only sold 4 DTE’s via Expanded Distribution (meaning not through Amazon) my guess is that those are people who went to a local bookstore and had them order it. Everything else has been on Amazon.
[quote=The Author Guy;2747]Here is another try:
[quote]
Then of course, there are the three Arch Demons trying to steal a book that Lenamare, Tom’s Accursed Master, stole from Oorstemoth; and whose demon horde had been infesting the wizard city of Freehold. Thanks to Tom’s secret identity as the Animage Edwyrd, their demons were driven from the city and now they are locked outside the city, unable to get their hands on the book they need to seize power in the Abyss.
[/quote][/quote]
On the whole, I like this Version. Only unshure about the quoted part.
[list=1][*]Is Lenamare still Tom’s accursed master? Shure the Link is still there, but first Lenamare is too afraid to summon him and second if he tried… could he controll the new Tommus?
[*]While Tom was instrumental in bringing the Wizards attention to the demon infestation. I’m not shure if the Archdemons know about the Edwyrd – Tom Connection
[*]Finally and more important, the Archdemons are not shown hostile in the direction of Tom. More like, how did he do that, how can I bring him to tell me how he did it…[/list][quote=The Author Guy;2747]
Then of course, there are the three Arch Demons trying to steal a book that Lenamare, Tom’s Accursed Master, stole from Oorstemoth; and whose demon horde had been infesting the wizard city of Freehold. Thanks to Tom’s secret identity as the Animage Edwyrd, their demons were driven from the city and now they are locked outside the city, unable to get their hands on the book they need to seize power in the Abyss.[/quote]How about, something like:
[quote]Then of course, there are the three Arch Demons still trying to steal the book from Lenamare. Who evicted their hordes of demons out of Freehold. Their plans beginning to unravel, what will they try next?[/quote]
I see your point; I’m also trying to not tell people what is happening here; since often blurbs are like movie trailers. Just watch the trailer/read the blurb skip the entree.
I had a lucky situation with Book 1. I basically put the setup on the back and what ensued was in the book. The setup of the story was the hook to get people in.
So, I think unconsciously, meaning wasn’t seeing it as much until you pointed it out I did the same here: “this is the setup” for book 2.
Also, I think I was trying to pose it in a “classic fantasy dilemma” without people knowing that the “evil” character was the hero; and the twist.
Actually I think my biggest fear is giving away too much of the ending of book 1 before people read it. So I was trying to dance around it.
Let me think on a different approach then, similar to what you are saying.
Probably make like a really brief summary of the first part of the book with a cliffhanger sentence at the end like … how will Tom get away from trouble this time? :-k Buy the book and find out!
Yes, very good points.
I was trying to walk a balance there; I wanted to include it for reference back to book 1 and the whole plot taking place inside Freehold (other than Hilda) while Tom is away. But their reaction to Tom is not so much fear of him as fear of the consequences of what he’s unleashed.
So I need a way (I think, but maybe I don’t) to give some blurb on that part of the plot.
In point of fact, the Archdemon trio will most likely be split somewhat on Tom. Of course they are already split because we know that Bess is playing Ramses and Exador off each other (she’s sleeping with both and the other doesn’t know) and she plans to seize the book for herself and her pantheon leaving Ramses and Exador out in the cold. Although we have to assume the other two are thinking similarly.
And by the end, the Nyjyr Ennead is already starting to line up with Tom; so Bess will probably end up on his side…or there will be more schisms.
The problem is, alliances/oppositions are so complex that they are hard to describe in the blurb; so you basically have to “sound bite” them and in doing so, of course, you lose a lot of information and can actually portray the opposite of true reality.
So thoughts on fixing this paragraph?
Hi,
I need a book description or blurb, for the back cover; Amazon book description.
I am more than open to suggestions from you guys! Submit your own ideas!
Here is a first pass from me; feel free to comment/redo/suggest something else entirely.
[quote]The Council of Wizardry Besieged!
Two armies surround Freehold, the capital of the Council States. The first is the Rod of Tiernon, the military arm of the Church of Tiernon; the second is the Oorstemothian Skyfleet. They have come to Freehold in pursuit of the mysterious Lord Edwyrd and his demon army only to find the city infested with over one thousand lesser demons, completely unbeknownst to the Council of Wizardry!
To make matters worse, Sir Talarius, Knight Rampant of Tiernon, discovered that the demons were led by not one, but three Arch Demons! In a highly unusual alliance, the Oorstemothian Skyfleet, the Rod of Tiernon and the Council of Wizardry aligned to expel the demon horde from the city.
The ever impressive Councilor Lenamare, performed one of the most legendary feats in the history of Conjury and successfully compelled all demons, including the Arch Demons, to flee in terror from the city and into the arms of the waiting armies where the panicked demons could easily be slaughtered.
Or mostly slaughtered. Councilor Lenamare’s own Greater Demon fled the city as well and in doing so ran directly into Sir Talarius. The two fought a truly legendary battle; Talarius appeared to defeat the vile demon only to have it resurrect itself and perform an unholy miracle the likes of which had never been seen in the multiverse. The Greater Demon committed the unthinkable, the untenable, the supreme blasphemy against the god Tiernon and his forces.
Now, with the Rod reeling after an unexpected, unprecedented, unforeseeable and humiliating tragedy, the Avatars of Tiernon have noticed the Greater Demon’s treachery! An Intervention is clearly called for and the Heavenly Host must assemble to ensure that Justice and Honor are restored and that Evil does not prevail! [/quote]
Most of that blurb happened in the last book…?
Don’t often (or ever) read blurbs of books in an series (other than the first), so not shure if that is considered normal.This text sound more like an, what happened in the first book to me.
The point where I had to read the first one, was the references of the teenager who is suddenly an Demon.
So maybe more like:Tomas the 16 year old Teenager Greater Demon stole from an God.
Now, everybody is asking – Wizards, Archdemons, Archons, the Gods – how did he do it.
Who the abyss is this guy anyway?Obviously you would write it better (and longer) o:)
Here are two slightly different versions of my try at a blurb. I tried to keep them in the same tone as the blerb for the first book as much as I could.
****
Thomasedwardperkinje, ancient and powerful Dark Lord, finally putting his centuries long strategy into motion, to kill or conquer the mortals on the plane of Astlan… Or at least that is what a lot of powerful people believe…
But no good deed goes unpunished, and trying to help some people and break from being a demon ‘stereotype’ goes worse than Tom could have imagined. Now lots of important people think he, the only weeks old demon, is an ancient power bent on taking over Astlan with a demon army.
It doesn’t help that he kind of DID uncover a demon army along the way. Or that he possessed a bunch of priests, and kidnapped a holey Knight after kicking his butt. OR that he stole mana from a god and defied death to do all that…
Now it’s not just important people that Tom has to worry about, as powerful beings in ‘heaven’ and ‘hell’ are looking for him now, and there may be nowhere in the Abyss he can hide. Given that his new friends (as well as everyone else in this new section of the multiverse) seem crazy, Tom will need a miracle to get out of this alive. Lucky for him, he just stole one.
***
Thomasedwardperkinje, ancient and powerful Dark Lord, finally acting after centuries of planning, begins meddling with the mortals on the plane of Astlan… Or at least that is what a lot of powerful people believe…
Really Tom has only been a demon for a few weeks, and is struggling to adapt to a life of eternal slavery to mages and everyone thinking he is an evil monster. It doesn’t help that while trying to find his footing (hoofing?) in this new world, he accidently causes people to think he is leading a demon army on a campaign of destruction, THEN uncovers a real demon army.
Humiliating a religious warrior order, possessing priests, kidnapping their Holy Champion, and stealing mana from a god hasnt seemed to calm the situation…
Powerful beings in ‘heaven’ and ‘hell’ are now looking for Tom, trying to find out what he is really up to, while he just wants to crawl under a rock until it all goes away. But there ARE plans, from both above and below that could affect the multiverse, one of which includes Tom specifically.
Tom and his new friends, who he is convinced are crazier than the rest of this messed up world, will need a miracle to stay alive. Luckily, he just stole one.
I really like the tone you use.
Biggest thing is one should not write out his true name in print, and on the back of a book cover; otherwise a whole bunch of wanna be wizards are going to try and conjure him. This could become inconvenient for him.
Second thing, and it’s one that I am fighting with myself, is the use of “Dark Lord” Clearly that is true for Book 3 (which I am working on, so it is now stuck in my head and I keep trying to put it in blurbs) but if I try to [b][i]unremember[/i][/b] ‘book 2’ I have to ask is it “Too early to call him a Dark Lord” before he takes over Mount Doom?
He refers to himself that way on the throne, but that’s half way through the book.
I am almost thinking I should have wrote the blurb before the book as I now have too much information that may not be appropriate to share before the book happens. I need to recapture the shock and confusion people had at the end of Book 1. Which of course is tricky since different people had different ideas of what Tom was.
Thoughts?
Here is another try:
[quote]
The dishonorable, cheating Forces of Good have been defeated!Tom Perkinje, the reluctant Greater Demon and recent transplant from Harding NJ to the Abyss has defeated and captured the not-so-valiant Sir Talarius, Knight Rampant of Tiernon and the holy army, the Rod of Tiernon, that helped him cheat in battle with Tom.
Unfortunately, to do so, he had had to hack the mana streams between the god Tiernon and his High Priests, and now his buddies are telling him that Tiernon is going to send a Host to investigate this unprecedented event. Oh, and the fact that he reversed a Holy Artifact of Tiernon has not gone unnoticed either. The folks upstairs are not pleased.
His actions have completely disrupted the plans of not only the Rod of Tiernon, but also the Sky Fleet of Oorstemoth who had thought to bring Tom to justice for defending himself and his friends. The two armies are now looking to unite to rescue Talarius and arrest Tom.
Then of course, there are the three Arch Demons trying to steal a book that Lenamare, Tom’s Accursed Master, stole from Oorstemoth; and whose demon horde had been infesting the wizard city of Freehold. Thanks to Tom’s secret identity as the Animage Edwyrd, their demons were driven from the city and now they are locked outside the city, unable to get their hands on the book they need to seize power in the Abyss.
Tom has managed to anger both the Forces of Good and the Forces of Evil. Super. Now, if he could just figure out what to do with his hostage?
[/quote]I thought the book was only being published in low mana planes, so whats the problem 😛
I dont think its too early to call him a Dark Lord, because at this point while he isnt calling himself that yet, everyone who knows about him thinks he is. They all think he must be thousands of years old, and have some long thought up plan conceived in hiding, for such a powerful demon to be unknown. If not ‘Dark Lord’ then some other menacing title is going through peoples minds. Demon Prince, Arch Terror? It should be fine as long as its clear people think that about him, not Tom thinking it himself.
As for too much information, I see what you mean, and I have always found summarizing fairly hard. How to give a hint of what happened, and what will happen, without giving everything away and also leaving a hook to interest people?
From the original blerb above, I think the bit about Lenamare could be taken out, as people who havent read the first book wont know who he is. I think who expelled the demon army and archdemons from Freehold isnt as important as the fact that it happened. On the reverse end I think it is ok to leave Talarius’s name there.
Well, it turns out that people now bittorrent ebooks, so there is no longer a way to ensure that stuff stays where you publish it; it’s possible someone on a higher mana plane may have a TOR connection and be able to torrent the book…
Of course, if that’s the case Tom is already screwed since his name is in the book….hmm…probably should have thought this out and redacted his name in book 1; you know like a black marker bar thing.
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