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Back in Book 1 there was a passage where Edwyrd chose a different form when he turned human after defeating Talarius.
I dunno, I don’t think Talarius will forsake Tiernon, but he will likely have a change of heart and be somewhat allied to to Tommus. Of course everyone else will think he has turned except on Nysegard.
Well, isn’t what LCSpartan described basically how saints are made? They’re not imagined as different when ascended so they retain a basic human shape, but I suspect they could shapeshift if needed.
In books 1 and 2 the term unlife was never used. That being said while it makes sense for certain characters to use the term unlife because either because they was taught to use unlife instead of undead, or because they are new or new to discussing the unlife.
So, TAG, which characters are supposed to use unlife and which use undead?
Unlife – D’Orcs, Nysegard residents?, gods, really old demons (> 1000 years?)
Undead – Maelen, Jenn, Talarius (prior to Nysegard), Tiernon’s avatars (prior to Nysegard), Verigas
In fact, who in-universe KNOWS that that about the term unlife? Hephaestus indicated that the antimus is not really well known and that seems to be how we get to unlife. Antefalken did not known of the term unlife. Verigas should not know the term yet he uses it.
tl;dr – When should unlife vs. undead be used?
[quote=The Author Guy;4004]Is it still 4? I thought i changed it to 1 kilo.
[/quote]Just bumping this thread since Alpha 2 still says 4 kilos instead of 1. I don’t know if you still plan to change it or not.
Chapter 123
Without proof of [color=red]wrong doing[/color], there can be no administration of Justice.” –> [color=red]wrongdoing[/color]
—
Chapter 124
“One fears so [color=red]mistress[/color], (s) he is awaiting thy attention in the third green room.” cron replied. –> [color=red]Mistress[/color] because cron always speaks in a title case when referring to his mistress.
[color=red]baron( es)[/color] –> [color=red]baron(ess)[/color] This occurs multiple times.
—
Chapter 125
[color=red]re-seize[/color] –> this is just a poor way of saying [color=red]reclaim[/color]
[color=red]re-create[/color] –> [color=red]recreate[/color]“There will[color=red].[/color] of course, be pushback from the Elders and noble houses. –> remove the [color=red]period[/color] from after There will and change to [color=red]comma[/color]
—
Chapter 130
setting the biscuit ring half with [color=red]smear[/color] –> Maybe this is a local spelling but I always thought it was [color=red]schmeer[/color] or [color=red]schmear[/color].
—
Chapter 137
he was captured in one of our raids –> he was [color=red]once[/color] captured in one of our raids
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Chapter 138
The [color=red]stone fingers[/color] had quickly mounted a warg back party to retrieve either prisoners or corpses. –> [color=red]Stone Fingers[/color]
—
Chapter 140
“The word, ‘undead.’ It was a trigger word.” Elrose said, still seeming a bit [color=red]shook[/color]. –> [color=red]shaken[/color]
He had to admit that it felt good to have something to be proud of [color=red]post defeat[/color] at the hands of Lord Tommus. –> either [color=red]post-defeat[/color] or [color=red]after his defeat[/color]. I can tell you’ve been writing a lot of functional/technical specs. The FS/TS style of writing is creeping into your story.
[color=red]En-lieu of such thoughts[/color] he had been more than happy to accept Stainsberry’s invitation to dinner and drinks at the Good Knight’s Rest. –> In lieu is being use incorrectly here. Your sentence is saying “In view of”, not “In lieu of”. In lieu of means “instead of” or “substituting for”. In view of means “because” of “for this reason”.
That’s why words like Lieutenant can roughly mean “substitute (land) holder”. They gave orders by with the authority of another like a noble or an officer (who are still nobles). Actually, how much of Astlan’s culture has the officers as being nobles. Has there been any discussion of whether Talarius is a noble son? Does Talarius have any siblings or parents.
Er, back on track… so any of these would work as a correction:
– [color=red]Rather than focus on such thoughts[/color]
– [color=red]Instead of having to deal with such thoughts[/color]
– [color=red]In lieu of having of to deal with such thoughts[/color]I see an interesting trend in the names of Hephaestus’s worshipers / priests: Thrinarv Gottslieb and Merit-Ptah. Both roughly translate to Beloved of Ptah / God.
I like how you slip these little things in there.
[color=red]Tom shrugged, “he says he has an accursed master. No idea who though.”[/color]
“I pity the wizard.” Vargg said.
Darg-Krallnom, “Yes, this master of his, I think he said his name is Gastropé, must seriously regret binding the octopod.”
“Gastropé, yes, he has a binding on Tizzy. He summoned Tizzy when we were at Hellsprings Eternal and then Tizzy was able to contact Gastropé to pull the shamans back to Midgard.” Tom said frowning, he had not really thought to ask how that binding had come about.That first sentence needs to be removed / reworked since Tom knows who Tizzy’s accursed master is.
Actually, I need to refer back to book 1, but Jenn while not particularly religious is a follower of Danu, the all-mother the alvar worship. She’s got the same “don’t think, just obey” message the gods like to pass around. Tsk tsk.
Just don’t let the orcs find out!
Actually, I got the hasty bit. Basically she was waiting to be rescued, but the vampire bit her before that could happen. Hence “hasty”. I thought it was an amusing bit of sarcasm on her part.
[quote=The Author Guy;4503]Celsius would make so much more sense. Given that the ambient temperature of the Abyss is around 96 to 98 degrees Celsius, it seems like a more usable scale.
[/quote]It’s a completely different world / plane. Celsius wouldn’t make sense either. The boiling temperature of water at sea level varies based on the world’s atmospheric pressure and Celsius is just a 100 degree division of the boiling temperature at sea level on Earth vs. its freezing point. In fact I’m surprised people don’t notice a difference when they go from Astlan to Nysegard. It implies all worlds have roughly the same pressure.
You also have the same thing for distances on Astlan. IIRC Tom always just translated to what he is used to.
Now, the Abyss on the other hand is just plain weird.
[quote=The Author Guy;4506]
[quote=GameGraphix;3889]
Fort Murgatroid: Mid Third Period
[color=blue]”As you are, I am sure aware, this is a very…”[/color] – awkward sentence
[/quote]
Yes, I see it. Thoughts?
[/quote][color=red]As I’m sure you are aware[/color], this is a very unusual and highly [s]discrete[/s] [color=red]discreet[/color] mission.
[quote=The Author Guy;4502]
[quote=Iume;3881]
employee vs employ
[/quote]
Went through and not seeing anything wrong here.employee is a person that you employ. Not seeing that wrong, at least not in alpha-1, might have been fixed in that pass.
[/quote]You did fix this in Alpha 1.
