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When the people on the Inferno are searching for Talarius, Samwell has brought them within scanning range of Mount Doom and they have run their scans and found nothing.
There is a spot where they are looking at mount Doom: Ahead of them, highly magnified on the viewing mirror was an extremely large volcano that was sitting at the edge of their search radius;It seems strange to me that nobody took note of the storm clouds around Doom. I realize that they aren’t exactly experts on the abyss (thus not understanding just how rare this is) but even so, doesn’t it seems like someone might have been at least a bit curious about the phenomenon?
I was thinking that the only mortals with links at the Etterdam battle would have been the Doom-sworn mana wielders, warlocks and shamans-of-doom, nobody else.
Loving the updates and additions in Alpha2.
Here are a bunch of little things I found.
?) = Something off but not sure how to fix it.
M) = Small modification might be in order
S) = Spelling error
*)Suggested modification?)bulky metal container with a sealed straw on with a trigger to open once in ones mouth, within his hand
*)Seems offM)How would have gotten Tizzy’s true name
*)How would he have gotten Tizzy’s true nameM)It was like had finally grokked the whole demon business
*)It was like he had finally grokked the whole demon businessM)“Elrose means forces, being from outside the natural world
*)“Elrose means forces, beings, from outside the natural worldb(meaning: supernatural Forces and Beings)M)Elrose said, still seeming a bit shook
*)Elrose said, still seeming a bit shakenM)You’ve were talking to the D’Orcs since Murgatroy?
*)You’ve been talking to the D’Orcs since Murgatroy?M)She waved her hands over her head again in bewilderment
*)She threw her hands up again in bewildermentM)Gastropé gulped, realizing he was in a very precarious state.
*)Gastropé gulped, realizing he was in a very precarious position/situation/spot.M)Jenn asked Gastropé in what he felt a slightly threatening manner
*)Jenn asked Gastropé in what he felt was a slightly threatening mannerM)Didar An Sep also noted
*)Didar An Sep also nodded?)“Imagine my surprise to find that my dear old friend Thrinarv Gottslieb, high priest of Hephaestus?”
*)surprised by what exactly?))Our order is faithful to and respects all the Gods of Light
*)My order is faithful to and respects all the Gods of LightS)the were not common
*)they were not commonS)Thrinarv said talking another drink
*)Thrinarv said taking another drinkM)Should have ordered sooner, getting pretty dry in here.
*)Should have ordered sooner, getting pretty dry over here.M)trying to explain her relationship towards Lenamare’s demon was something she could not explain to herself, let alone a group of strange orcs and D’Orcs.
*)her relationship towards Lanamare’s demon was something she could not explain to herself, let alone a group of strange orcs and D’Orcs.?)While Edwyrd was surprisingly skilled, he did have Rupert’s trust, but like Gastropé he was young and inexperienced.
*)Seems offS)after the finished their supper.
*)after they finished their supper.M)that the alvar remove all of their forces from their territory is more than reasonable
*)that the alvar remove all of their forces from orc territory is more than reasonable?)we learned from local alvar and very specifically the aetós.
*)Sounds like the aetós are an alvaran sub-species.In ITA the orstemothian dialog was written in actual ortemoothian legal-speak. I had to use a dictionary on a number of words but, I think it really defined the ortemoothians in a big way.
I didn’t see much of that in HH and none in this book. There are a number of places with orstemoothians talking but they are all talking like regular people. I realize that the legal-speak is probably hard to write (it would be for me) but I would hate to see it dropped. In my opinion, it really ‘made’ the Orstemoothians.
I think this might have come up previously in the forum but I am not sure where.
[quote]”Really good magineering, I’d suspect.” Thrinarv said taking another drink of his ale. “Should have ordered sooner, getting pretty dry in here.” He eyeballed the bottom of his mug skeptically.
He means his mug is getting dry inside. The here is the bottom of the mug he is eyeballing.
Suggestions to rephrase more clearly?[/quote]
Current phrasing has Thrinarv making a comment about his drink and [u]then[/u] looking in his mug. Maybe try switching it around:
“Really good magineering, I’d suspect.” Thrinarv said taking another drink of his ale. He then eyeballed the bottom of his mug skeptically. “Should have ordered sooner, getting pretty dry in here.”
[quote]
Beragamos say the same balling that the Tiernon and Torean saw. Why didn’t Beragamos recognize Tom as being familar? In book 2 the suspicion of Orcus is brought up and Beragamos still didn’t recall / recognize. [/quote]
1) Many of the high-power immortals are capable of shape-changing at will into any form that they can picture in their heads.
2) As far as anyone has been able to determine (in Tierhalon at least) Orcus is long dead and gone.
3) Tom isn’t an exact duplicate of Orcus and it has been thousands of years since Beragamos has seen Orcus.Given all that, Beragamos might not have considered it a viable possibility until after he’d met Tom face to face.
I have found few other places where War Arrow is referred to as a he:
[quote]“And the barding as well, we are likely to face a lot of Unlife and War Arrow will need [h]his[/h] armor.” Stevos nodded.[/quote]
[quote]“We are not stealing a horse; we are simply returning [h]him[/h] to his rider.” Stevos said.[/quote]
[quote]“Have you two found the barding yet, we think it would be easiest to take to War Arrow and have [h]him[/h] wear the gear before we leave.” Saint Hilda of Rivenrock said[/quote]I would like to see a little more (or any) detail on what the Nimbus gang found in Murgatroy with all their fancy gear and scans etc.
They went all out of their way and spent a whole day going over the area and we didn’t hear a single thing about what they found.
Maybe you could add a bit to the scene where Gastrope and Jenn are having dinner.I was thinking that if Maelin were there, he could do some raving about the Voyager he meet and then give some detail about the scans (as a seer he would have been directly involved right?) and then have the Jenn – Gastrope conversation go pretty much the same as the original.
When I read Thrinarv’s comment about Talarius making a good candidate, I kinda thought of a few guys sitting around watching a game of pro basketball and one of them telling the other “hey man, I’ve seen you down on the court, you could totally make that team”. Not necessarily suggesting that he should go and do it, just commenting that he would be good enough to make the cut.
Talarius then wigs out because he suddenly realizes that there is an actual way that he could end up as a real live DEMON.Speaking of links being cut, how did nobody notice when Sentir fallon went to the abyss to visit Lilith? His links would have all been temporarily cut off right?
