[Giwdul]

Here is a second bunch of little things I found.

?) = Something off but not sure how to fix it.
M) = Small modification might be in order
S) = Spelling error
P) = Punctuation error
*)Suggested modification

M)But if are a good demon
*)But if you are a good demon

M)or enhanced states being.
*)or enhanced states of being.

S)And when the find him, they will bind him
*)And when they find him, they will bind him

M)He is pure animus on the astral plane which is transferred into the newly created D’Orc form.
*)He is pure animus on the astral plane which is transferred into, and fused with, the newly created D’Orc form.

M)I could probably better understand you better.
*)I could probably understand you better.

M)see their shocked expression.
*)see their shocked expressions.

M)I spent my mortal life combating his many crimes against the orcs, and after my death, I continued to defend our lands from their barbarous incursions.
*)I spent my mortal life combating his many crimes against the orcs, and after my death, I continued to defend our lands from the barbarous incursions of the vile Los Alfar.

M)Jenn blanched at this, as did, of course, Gastropé, but Maelen and Elrose also seemed disturbed.
*)Jenn blanched at this, as did, of course, Gastropé, even Maelen and Elrose seemed quite disturbed.

M)dropping into an overstuff chair
*)dropping into an overstuffed chair

M)Elrose said going to the tea cart to pour himself a cup of tea
*)Elrose said going to the refreshment cart to pour himself a cup of tea

M)sending messengers to broadcast their offer
*)sending messengers to broadcast their threats

M)Things were escalating, the Storm Lords advance units were within a day’s march, for the advanced forces.
*)Things were escalating, the Storm Lords advance units were within a day’s march, for the faster moving troops anyway.

M)including the Teragdor
*)including Teragdor

M)There are still quite a number of groups on the roads. They will also be acting as a shield
*)There are still quite a number of refugee groups on the roads. Our troops/soldiers will also be acting as a shield

?)ghasts, ghosts and yes, dhampyrs.
*)ghosts are undead? I had the impression that they were regular spirits who had not ‘passed on’ for some reason or other. Specters maybe?

M)Like the ones Phaestus and Völund, and several Council members.
*)Like the ones Phaestus and Völund, and several Council members use regularly.

M)store it in library vault
*)store it in the library vault

M)In light of day
*)In the light of day

M)Fortunately, the ground growth was not that bad
*)Fortunately, the under growth was not that bad

M)Holy Sight was fine both in the dark and allowing her to see the animus
*)Holy Sight was fine in the dark and also allowed her to see the animus

M)The boy shouted about ten feet ahead of them and entering a clearing.
*)The boy shouted from about ten feet ahead of them as he entered a clearing.

M)Hilda thought to herself as she brushed through his arm,
*)Did she somehow become immaterial and literally go ‘through’ his arm?
*2)Hilda thought to herself as she brushed his arm aside

M)already at working on her next move.
*)already at work on her next move.

M)you are not very good one
*)you are not a very good one

M)He was a messing eater, slipping blood all over.
*)He was a messy eater, slopping blood all over.

M)struggling vampires popped off from her and fell
*)struggling vampires jerked away from her and fell

M)turned to Jacob and the boy where also huddling on the ground.
*)turned to Jacob and the boy who were also huddling on the ground.

M)but it comes with the territory a fear.
*)but it comes with the territory I fear.

S)their tear streamed faces.
*)their tear streaked faces.

M)I do not know about you guys, I need a Bloody Tatiana
*)I do not know about you guys, but I need a Bloody Tatiana

M)had gathered for breaking their fast.
*)had gathered for breakfast. (Might want to separate ‘breakfast’ from ‘breaking their fast’ because these are religious/holy persons who probably do real honest to god Fasting)
*2)had gathered to break their fast.

M)but the father does not infect the mother and is alive through the term
*)but the father does not infect the mother and she is alive through the term

M)to find Talarius in his full armor—which made sense since the sitting room was not as cool as the knight’s bedroom—with his sword leaning against the arm of the chair.
*)to find Talarius slouched (or ‘sitting bolt upright’) in a chair with his sword leaning against the arm rest. he was in his full armor—which made sense since the sitting room was not as cool as the knight’s bedroom.

M)After that they will discuss and discuss it.
*)After that they will discuss it.
*2)After that they will have a few rounds of discussion.

M)He cannot be a very trustworthy?” Jenn asked.
*)How trustworthy can he be?” Jenn asked.

M)and two apostles to fill them in the first results
*)and two apostles to fill them in on the first results

M)Vampires are tricky to capture, extremely hard to capture and generally resistant to Truth Sight.
*)Vampires are tricky to capture, extremely hard to contain and generally resistant to Truth Sight.

M)Talarius voice boomingly echoed in the vast room.
*)Talarius’ voice boomed, echoing in the vast room.

M)he could atone, cured and resume his life.
*)he could atone, be cured and resume his life.

M)define known forms that we have paintings or statues of to help us remember.
*)define known forms that we have memorized and then have paintings or statues made to help keep them consistent.
*2)define known forms which we then have paintings or statues of to help us remember.

[Giwdul]

Looks good.[thumbup]

[Giwdul]

Is there any way you could do a ‘classification of unlife’ insert / appendix? Maybe something like the classification of demons that you put in book 1?
I am asking because it is a subject that I am not very up-to-speed on and, everyone seems to have a different opinion on the powers, abilities and methods of creation for the various types of undead/unlife critters.
We have seen various people talking about some of them here and there but I think that a specific ‘classification’ section would be sweet.

[Giwdul]

Awesome! Thanks!

[Giwdul]

[quote]Thrinarv shrugged, “My people have a more casual relationship with our gods than you humans, or the alfar.” He nodded his head sideways to Stainsberry.
“I actually don’t follow any single god, as you know.” Stainsberry said. “Our order is faithful to and respects all the Gods of Light.”
“So when you die? Where do you spend eternity?” Talarius asked, puzzled.[/quote]
The way this conversation flows, kinda reads like the [h]our[/h] is referring to Thrinarv, Stainsberry and Talarius not the El Ohim.

Maybe something like this:
[quote]
“The El Ohim actually don’t follow any single god, as you know.” Stainsberry said. “Our order is faithful to and respects all the Gods of Light.”[/quote]
Or this:
[quote]
“I actually don’t follow any single god, as you know.” Stainsberry said. “My order is faithful to and respects all the Gods of Light.”[/quote]

Or, maybe I am getting caught up on something that is exactly the way it should be?

[Giwdul]

Hey TAG

I have another list of little stuff.
Should I add it to this topic or create a “Bunch of little things #2” topic?

[Giwdul]

As far as the wedding photo reveal went, I liked that scene. I think a big bomb like this dropping on Talarius is just the thing to finally kick his butt onto a completely new track (apostle of Doom).

As far as using the kraken to fight the storm lords. I am not clear on exactly how they ‘release’ those things. Couldn’t they pop the kraken into that wormhole thingamajig, set the coordinates and just hit the eject button and launch him out wherever (onto whomever) they want?

BTW. Would the dark apostle character (or exador) have taken something like the Gateway to Tartarus into account when designing his wards? Would it be possible to somehow open the wormhole to the oubliette inside the wards?

[Giwdul]

If the wards are like a dome, why not just aim up above them?

Tom: I hope we don’t all regret this too much.
Phastus: Regret what? Drop[ing a 23.5 billion ton rage monster on those Storm Lord characters from 8 leagues up? Yea, we probably will regret it sooner or later.
Arg-Nargoloth: Super awesome though!!!
Tizzy: “Yeah!!” Claps hands.

Storm Lord 1: What is that up there?
Storm Lord 2: It’s a cloud.
Storm Lord 3: No, it’s some high flying bird.
Storm Lord 1: Actually, it’s coming down really fast, it kinda looks like…… OH CRAP!

[Giwdul]

Loving the updates and additions in Alpha3. Sooooo looking forward to the big battle!!!

Here are a bunch of little things I found.

?) = Something off but not sure how to fix it.
M) = Small modification might be in order
S) = Spelling error
P) = Punctuation error
*)Suggested modification

M)Talarius had not known Ruiden could even speak,
*)Talarius had not even known Ruiden could speak,

M)reopened diplomatic relationships with Mount Doom.
*)reopened diplomatic relations with Mount Doom.

M)The fierd did not bother them,
*)The fierd light did not bother them,
*2)Fierd did not bother them,

M)compared the full pomp of the Courts of Princes
*)compared to the full pomp of the Courts of Princes

S)the very air is charged beyond anything I have every experienced
*)the very air is charged beyond anything I have ever experienced

P)“As in an attack.” Valg’s mother asked
*)“As in an attack?” Valg’s mother asked

M)They had a lot inter-plane travel they wanted to do
*)They had a lot of inter-plane travel they wanted to do

M)battles with unlife resorting in significant mana generation
*)battles with unlife resulting in significant mana generation

M)However, that was not a conversation of Barabus to deal with
*)However, that was not a conversation that Barabus had to deal with

M)They both scrunched their faces up, and after a moment the one he did not recognize said. “Yes, I see him!” The orc said; this one’s voice sounded familiar.
*)They both scrunched their faces up, and after a moment the one he did not recognize said. “Yes, I see him!” This one’s voice sounded familiar.

M)the one had seen yesterday in Krallnomton
*)the one he had seen yesterday in Krallnomton

S)orcs or demon orcs.” Herod said shaking
*)orcs or demon orcs.” Heron said shaking

M)as the people starting to chant and dance.
*)as the people started to chant and dance.

?)“Perhaps,” Hilda cautioned, “yet do not discount the amount of mana that the various off plane avatars would have deployed through their Illuminaries, we don’t need to have as many ‘boots on the ground’ so to speak.”
*)This statement from Hilda seems off. She is personaly an expert on Unlife (she should know exactly how effective Illuminaries vs avatars are) and is talking to two VERRY senior avatars with thousands of years of experience in that particular multi-melina war. This statement seems a bit arrogant on Hilda’s part wich seems quite out of character for her.

M)They do what it takes to keep us from expanding, but they have not tried the sort of large scale attacks against us
*)They do what it takes to keep us from expanding, but they have not tried the sort of large scale attacks against us that we saw several thousand years ago.

M)Given that the strength of the Unlife our people are encountering, they
*)Given that the strength of the Unlife our people are encountering has been increasing, they

S)I would aid if I could, be we all know the politics of that
*)I would aid if I could, but we all know the politics of that

M)“A victory he could not win? Inconceivable!”
*)”A battle he could not win? Inconceivable!”
*2)“A victory he did not think he could claim? Inconceivable!”

M)because that would one seriously large mana beacon
*)because that would be one seriously large mana beacon

M)Heavy breathing, muttering along with snarls of low rage came from a clearing
*)Heavy breathing, muttering and snarls of low rage came from a clearing

M)Tamarin was there as was Vaselle, however, showed no sign of realizing he was present. Given that he was technically Dream Walking, although he might have suspected the djinni to notice.
*)Tamarin was there as was Vaselle, however, they showed no sign of realizing he was present. He wasn’t surpprised, given that he was technically Dream Walking, although he might have expected the djinni to notice.

M)“Our order is faithful to and respects all the Gods of Light.
*)“My order is faithful to and respects all the Gods of Light.

M)that is something we learned the aetós,
*)that is something we learned from the aetós,

M)his tusks move with head.
*)his tusks move with his head.

M)training with their respective states
*)training with their respective saints

M)against Sentir Fallon, several of his avatars along
*)against Sentir Fallon, several of his fellow avatars along
*2)against Sentir Fallon, several of his saints along

M)that they befall the same fate
*)that the same fate befall them

S)chair to continue face Tom
*)chair to continue facing Tom

M)in strange world simply proceeded
*)landing in a strange world, he simply proceeded

M)and Tom made no mentioned of it
*)and Tom had made no mention of it

S)Prince Arial
*)Prince Arial is used in several places instead of Prince Ariel

M)These are the words of Lord Tommus as spoken to the demon soldiers whose leader, Lilith the Jilted Bride, abandoned them to their certain defeat
*)These are the words of Lord Tommus as spoken to the commander of the demon soldiers whom Lilith the Jilted Bride abandoned to their certain defeat

M)All attributes I would attribute to an orc.
*)All traits I would attribute to an orc.

M)I guess I am just too taken aback by his play, that I am not putting the pieces together
*)I guess I am just so taken aback by his play, that I am not putting the pieces together

M)“And what might that be?” Antefalken asked.
*)“And what might those questions be?” Antefalken asked.

M)I am simply saying is that there is more
*)I am simply saying that there is more

M)having a bit of a crisis of conscious
*)Is this supposed to be: crisis of concience?

M)There had been a saint and an avatar investigating his abduction?
*)There had been a saint and an archon investigating his abduction?

S)Beragamos Antilles
*)Beragamos Antilles was used several times instead of Beragamos Antidelles as per HH.

M)every direction we have had sent wardens to look
*)every direction that we have sent wardens to look

[Giwdul]

Really looking to that next alpha.

[Giwdul]

[quote][quote]?)While Edwyrd was surprisingly skilled, he did have Rupert’s trust, but like Gastropé he was young and inexperienced.
*)Seems off
[/quote]
Yes, I can feel it. She is suprised at how skilled he is given his age.
[/quote]
[quote]She was not sure who she was more upset with, Gastropé, Edwyrd, Damien or herself for being blind to these shenanigans. While Edwyrd was surprisingly skilled, he did have Rupert’s trust, but like Gastropé he was young and inexperienced. Damien, a Councilor of Wizardry should have had more common sense than to continue any sort of cooperation with the demon Tom.[/quote]

Here is a rewrite of the paragraph. Hope you like it.

She was not sure who she was more upset with, Gastropé, Edwyrd, Damien or herself for being blind to these shenanigans. Probably Edward. While Edward was surprisingly skilled, he was, like Gastrope, still young and inexperienced. Taking a little kid like Rupert plane hoping with what now turned out to be a demon prince was stupidity on a scale that she could hardly even comprehend. And as for Damien, a Councilor of Wizardry should have had more common sense than to continue any sort of cooperation with the demon Tom

[Giwdul]

[quote]”Really good magineering, I’d suspect.” Thrinarv said bringing his mug up for a drink. After drinking, he lowered and tilted the mug, eyeballing the inside skeptically, “should have ordered sooner, getting pretty dry in here.” [/quote]

[quote]She was not sure who she was more upset with, Gastropé, Edwyrd, Damien or herself for being blind to these shenanigans. Probably Edward: while surprisingly skilled, he was, like Gastrope, still young and inexperienced. Taking a little kid like Rupert plane hoping with what now turned out to be a demon prince was stupidity on a scale that she could barely even comprehend. And as for Damien, a Councilor of Wizardry should have had more common sense than to continue any sort of cooperation with the demon Tom.[/quote]

Looks good to me.

[Giwdul]

Yeah, that sounds good.

[Giwdul]

From what I have pieced toogether about what the knights rampant do, “Truth sight” does seem like something that Talarius would probably have/be able to use.

From HH, Ruiden seems to have some pretty incredible perceptions including some type of “truth sight” and the ability to see through most types of migical disguises. I would think that he could function as some type of lie-detector for Talarius if he were interested enough to pay attention to the conversation.

[Giwdul]

In AOD Talarius is using “Holy truth sight” to determine the truthfulness of the people on the isle of doom. However, in ITA he had no magical ability to determine truthfulness:

AOD: Talarius questioning people from isle of Doom
[quote]The people he had talked to, and trained, had all been good people who had not believed they were lying to him when they praised the D’Orcs and Lord Tommus. He’d checked with [h]Holy Truth Sight[/h];[/quote]
ITA: Talarius questioning Rupert
[quote]Unfortunately, he’d had no way to determine if the child was telling the truth, short of his own instincts and experience. [/quote]

[Author]

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