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Tom mentioned that when he mastered fantasy he will start sci-fi, But will that actually happen in this series?
We have been teased with mentions of a intelligent and powerful martial artist monkey who talks in riddles, But he has yet to make an appearance and I for one hope he will be introduced early on in the next book.
Talking about an awesome monkey character but not introducing him just seems wrong.In chapter 116 it switches between Samael and Lesteroth with no clear indication of a change in perspective,
Try some like
*****
to separate the two.
The Insurance Man Cometh, The Insurance Man Cometh.
You could have the cover art as an image of a shadowy obscure demon with a ton of paperwork, It would fit well with HH’s drunken saint cover art.
I have to agree, at this stage the biggest problem is that the story doesn’t immediately continue onto book three, Which is more of a problem when it is one long continuous book split up into several smaller ones, The only way to get past this is to just start on the next book.
In short please write book three I must read more of DOA.
If you are going to cut down on Tom’s story in book 2, Then you really need to include at least one good and violent fight for Tom, That could be used to impress the D’Orcs and cement their loyalty to him.
I know this book is mainly about dealing with the fallout of the events in book 1 and introducing new characters for the next book, But with this books title i was expecting/hoping for at least one good old fashioned FOG vs FOE fight in some form.
In the first book Jenn & co where part of the major plotline, But in the second book it feels slightly shoehorned in, There’s a lot of content of them but with very little development with the minor exception of the burgeoning teen romance of Jenn & Gastrope, You could either cut down on Jenn & co or liven up their journey with something like aerial cloud combat.
More fully exploring the friendship of Rupert & Fer Rog would be nice, It’s mentioned that Rupert teaches Fer Rog shape changing through the help of a link, But you kind of gloss over that a bit and it sounds like it could be more interesting than most of the other secondary plotlines.
Overall i loved the book and i want to make a couple of points
Liked the progressive build up of hints about tizzy and how it will most likely reveal him to be both the creator of the multiverse and its source of demon weed
The Randolf and Crispin romance kept him from being completely forgettable which he needs
If you cut out some of the fluff from the middle like Jenn & co travel and the rod POV it might help the flow of the book a bit, Since it kind of slows down a bit between the initial first reactions and tom getting mount doom (epic), You could also add a few chapters to the end of the book to make up for the cut content, Unless of course it was just before a big scene that is being saved for book three
Please don’t have Trisfelt call harry potter true crime in 83.3, since the magic in those books is different to the magic in your books (i know it’s nitpicking but i wanted to say it)
Very surprised how few errors there are before being sent for editing
I’m probably going to be rereading this a lot since it’s been a while since I’ve had something good to read, So I might come up with more things to say soon
Astlan is a planet, with X rotational speed, gravity etc, so it should have a normal consistent flow of time, but the abyss is just a plane of existence so it probably doesn’t rotate, also since its not a planet its gravitational force should be very different to astlan.
so for the flow of to even slightly match up. it should mean that magic effects the flow of time in the abyss, but it might not be that consistent, so could that result in tom experiencing annoying time skips e.g. one day in the abyss equal ten in astlan or vice versa?
just a thought.
Tell us the names of these Anti-Spame Gods, So we can pray to them for protection, O wise demon.[-o<
