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You know this problem kind of exist in book 2 as well. Whatever answer you have will need to avoid contradicting it.
The only time Ruiden is a character is a short scene in Chapter 119. The reason he talks to help Talarius with his struggle. Yet all the other times later in the book that Talarius struggles with faith vs. evidence Ruiden says nothing.
Nor does Ruiden make any comments about Nysegard or the potential for a fight.
I think Ruiden would serve as a good way to stand in for the reader is exploring Talarius’s struggle and should be more active in this book.
The Abyss, The Outpost: Late 6th Period
We’ve previously established that there are many earth-like worlds called Earth. Yet they talk about a specific world without trying to establish which. Like they expect everyone to know which.
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Etterdam, Nart Camp: DOA + 10, Late Fifth Period
Pointless scene. It ties to nothing nor does provides anything to the plot.
Tizzy shifted his eyes to Valg, looking at him slightly askance. “There are 4 kilos of demon weed in here! I should think that should be enough.”
Valg blinked, shook his head and stared pointedly at the tiny bag. “Four kegs? How?”
Why is called kilos and then kegs? Is this a drug specific measurement?
“Denubian CraftmanshipTM is well known, they are some of the best builders and engineers in the universe.
universe or multiverse? In fact, it would probably be a good idea to check all instances of “verse” to make sure it is correctly localverse vs. multiverse. I’m not sure in what situation one says universe.
“I am really not comfortable with this.” Barabus told his compatriots as they walked through the gates of the melted castle. [color=red]A small contingent of demons, several of whom had been actively attacking the Inferno about two hours ago.[/color]
So, what about that small contingent of demons? Orphaned sentence from a removed paragraph?
So, when we learn that there are D’Orcs is Nysegard we also learn two things. First, the have died while fighting since Orcus left and have returned to Nysegard. They returned to the Abyss when they died.
If Nysegard had shamans that could summon slain D’Orcs why didn’t they summon the other Mt. Doom D’Orcs to help with battle? Why were they unable to keep in regular communication with Mt. Doom if they had shamans capable of summoning D’Orcs?
It seems very odd that the D’Orcs would just sit about. True, they had no way to leave w/o shaman’s summoning them but you would think the D’Orcs would rotate people to Nysegard to help w/ fighting while leaving a garrison force behind at Doom.
The impression given in the book 3 from the D’Orcs stuck in Mt. Doom however is that none of the Nysegard D’Orcs visited during Orcus’s absence and none in Mt. Doom went to Nysegard. So… where did the D’ORcs slain in Nysegard wind up in the Abyss before being summoned back?
Agreed, but why didn’t Tiernon punish Sentir for killing Orcus and making Tartarus vulnerable? Sentir overstepped his authority and placed the multiverse in jeopardy.
Edit: Why did no other gods get upset with Tiernon for his subordinate placing the multiverse at risk? Why no paranoid gods wonder what Tiernon was up by presumably ordering his subordinate to kill Orcus?
Iskerus and Barbarus have more of an impact / character progression than Randolf. Randolf’s only scene is meeting Damien when he returns and revealing that he always knew Exador was an archdemon.
Edit: But I’ll wait on your write up their conflicts that they wanting to resolve. Randolf had zilch conflict.
So, for the “sitting it out” characters, rather than making a scene from their POV perhaps it could be re-written from the POV of one of the more major characters and the sitting it out person reveals what needs to be know from their eliminated POV?
I think a LOT of scenes could be reworked to be from another main POV and have those old POV reworked so the character is secondary and doesn’t detract from our mains.
Use the unique link feature add as a bookmark in your browser? Delete said bookmark when you consider it resolved?
Well, the demon weed is just to loosen the soul so if the person is dead then the soul is already loose. The prep & ceremony is just to gather mana. I have no idea why Mount Doom’s mana pool wasn’t enough though.
So… why did no one get angry at Sentir for causing trouble with Tartarus and potentially releasing its prisoners? Why did Vulcan make no mention of anyone trying to approach him nor did he make mention of attempts to collect payment.
It’s like “Oh, Orcus is dead. Let’s wait and see.” Business partners (aka the 9) should have been trying to do more than just keep the prisoners. They should have been trying to run a business. What problem did they face simply because there was no Orcus? Did they feel guilty that they couldn’t actually “run” it? It’s like the business died w/ Orcus.
[quote=GameGraphix;3889]
Library of Doom: DOA + 13, Early First Period
[color=blue]It was like had really grokked…[/color] – should be “It was like he had really grokked”, although I have absolutely no idea what “grokked” means….can only guess from the context
[/quote]If you want to grok this you need to read Heinlein’s “Stranger in a Strange Land” (origin of grok).
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Additional errors:
Tardis -> TARDISASAP.: -> Remove : at the end. (Chapter 133)
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Edit: This is either a conversion problem for the epub format or it exists in the main file but sometimes the text is full justified instead of left justified.
