[Flakes]

Since the undead have been planning this and building up forces for over 1000 years I am picturing a division of undead archers using arrows that are enchanted with the same draining of Excrathadorus Mortis.

http://www.avclub.com/article/genuinely-terrified-performance-try-shooting-real–231613?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=ShareTools&utm_campaign=default

[Flakes]

I mean, I didn’t want an avatar to die simply because it could happen. I wanted an avatar to die so that Hilda and company, cut off from their god and afterlife must actually come to grips with their own mortality again. If You can only have Heroism if there are consequences, then for the brief moment befor Tom gets there, there is an actual chance for people, avatars included to act heroicly.

[Flakes]

There is something that you might want to think about.

I could be wrong about this, but In this book, I get the feeling that you are avoiding the conflict. You describe action either before it happens, or more often than not, have characters reflect upon the excitement from afar after something happens. Very rarely do you simply get in there and start swinging swords or chucking fireballs.

[Flakes]

That’s why I suggested introducing a token saint or other archon at the start of the book, and have them make friends with the team then bite it at the end. Maybe one of the Biddies who used to make fun of Hilda shows up to apologize for making her life miserable and maybe even kiss ass a bit. She joins the team, does something heroic in battle and then dies without being able to be saved.

I just keep thinking you have your characters vulnerable for the first time, you should use it. You say, the bergermeister would only be slightly easier to kill than Orcus. Well in a similar situation Orcus died, there is real peril here, take advantage of it.

[Flakes]

If you did an Abyssmal shift spell, do you control what part of the abyss gets switched. It might be inconveinient if someone cast that spell in battle and a big part of the battlefield became the courts of chaos. Is there a Heavenly switch spell?

[Flakes]

As for why Phestus sides with Tom, why not just have him say “I knew your parents. And I can’t stand your brother.” and leave it at that. Have him refuse to explain. It hints at something mysterious, obviously not the New Jersey parents. But leave out the mirror scene or move it to book 4. Right now it is way too soon.

[Flakes]

Have you thought of visions? Maybe not Tom have the vision but everybody on Neigurd or in Mount
Doom of Orcus being cut off and maybe another hinting at the relationship. Mix it in with the Avatars being cut off parallell it like a flash back so that as the avatars of Tirenon get cut off Tom and co relive Ocus being cut off? Maybe start the invasion as soon as they are cut off since frankly it seems like it is a major demoralizing factor and why give your enemy time to maybe counter it?

[Flakes]

Also, time is mispelt on pg 366 as in Logi is a decent kid most of the tie

[Flakes]

Not sure I like the Orcus is Tiernon were step brothers reveal, it seems either rushed or forced. You might want to not make the reveal but provide some sort of hint so that the reader figures it out on their own, then introduce it next book.

[Flakes]

Actually, the reason I brought it up was that they have to be in the astral plane (not killed except for D’Orcs) and when they get reformed they are still in the material plane. The actual sending them to the Abyss seems like a superfulous step. That said the change in the encryption key does make sense. And since at least D’Orcs swear to serve Orcus, well it makes sense you cannot be the servant of two masters.

[Flakes]

Just thinking about something. If Demons are just humans who have been conjured by a wizard, then can there not be worshipers or even priests of a diety, say teirnon, who have been summoned and demonified? If a priest of Talarion has been turned into a demon can they use god mana? Or does the link that you get from being a worshipper of a god draw you towards that god and protect you from becoming demonified?

I’m basically reading the part where the knight rampant is watching the ceremony. I know there are orc priests of teirnon on neiguard and at one point orcus made D’orcs from orcs on Neiguard. I just keep wondering how freaked out he would be to bump into a D’Orc priest of Teirnon.

[Flakes]

Going through on my 3rd read.

Noticed that earlier in the book you have an army of demons in total fear of the tortures that await them when lilith get ahold of them again. It is the fear of liliths torture that keeps the demons in line and the reason why the returning demons give up what they know about tom so quickly. Then later in the book torture becomes sort of a kinky sex act, and who would ever use Torture to gain information.

[Flakes]

Hypothetical question. Not that I want to see it happen.

In theory could Tom use his D’Orc making ritual and his link to grab Lenamare’s soul, drag it into the abyss, and make him into a demon?

[Flakes]

Wouldn’t the Knights of Chaos simply just reform like demons and what not on their own plain? The last person to reform would know what happened last. Or if they are sucked into the doom, Can Tom not just separate them from the Doom and give them back in exchange for concessions or tribute?

[Flakes]

I think your problem is more Torean than Tirnan. The clueless factor probably revolves around how omnipotent you wanto make them. What I question is this, unlife had been slowly flowing up to Tiernon and maybe poluting his well? Has this been acting like a corrupting agent like a poison? Is it like a kind of heavy metal poison that builds up over time and can kill you or like touching mercury that causes dementia. Torean probably hasn’t been corrupted by unlife? Maybe Tiernen doesn’t realise his problem and it takes an outside god to notice?

[Author]

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