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The Author Guy
MemberI think that’s probably a good idea…as long as he keeps an eye out for anyone departing for the Citadel.
Hmm, this might be interesting. What if Tiernon (or one of his avatars–whoever is reading his prayer queue) realizes that he’s got such a prayer from Talarius?
Ooh, what if he makes direct contact with Talarius–this is some serious business–quite frankly, Tiernon is rather worried about survival at this point.
What if the Olympians find out what they’ve done? What if Tom let’s their step-parents go? He knows Orcus is pissed at him?
I think the only one crapping their pants more is Sentir Fallon.
I’ve got some juicy things coming when Tom and Beragamos “talk” about the “Plane Blockage” spell. Tom assumes it’s something that Sentir Fallon did to him.
The Author Guy
MemberI actually have a fun seen coming at some point where Tom asks Phaestus “so is there a Mrs. Orcus”
And up to the Kraken…yep, it’s a dome/sphere where the beacons act like a super pentacle, each one is powered by mana pools that have an interesting linking mechanism, something that should not be possible.
You could certainly bring the kraken up outside the beacons and have it sink the ships with beacons, breaking the spell.
Of course, if they figure things out, Jacquesparrow could take his little sinking ship outside the line of boats and create a tidal wave as well.
Or at least try, there are a lot of aquamancers and sorcerers out on the ships, plus aerial support for them, demonic support for them etc.
A kraken would probably be better; if only there wasn’t that pesky issue of it getting lose and sinking a few continents.
The Author Guy
MemberThe prayer won’t be needed as Tom isn’t going to wait that long on heading over.
I do think those are interesting questions about Talarius and Edwyrd that will need exploring.
Need to go look up what book 2 says as well.
The Author Guy
MemberSweet!
Thanks a lot!
The Author Guy
MemberFixed this in the discussion during the wargames along with the discussion of his form after battle which sort of looked like Paul.
The Author Guy
MemberFixed with your rewording.
No on the vampyrs. It’s explained elsewhere, I believe, that vampyrs aren’t really good at recon work as they have too little self-control and tend to eat the first tasty thing they see, and when doing recon, that may not be the best options.
They are also very messy eaters.
These are the super toothy, blood starved, animalistic blood suckers. They are too hungry to think straight. I think it’s because they are very inefficient in processing and digesting blood. See the description of Rede’s fangs, which are like a vampires fangs. Vampyrs just drink the blood down their throat into the stomach.
The Author Guy
Member[quote=Flakes;4785]Not sure I like the Orcus is Tiernon were step brothers reveal, it seems either rushed or forced. You might want to not make the reveal but provide some sort of hint so that the reader figures it out on their own, then introduce it next book.[/quote]
So are you saying move the whole mirror section to later? Or is it simply spelling it out that’s the problem?
I also need, at some point, to explain why Phaestus sides with Tom, even though he is Nyjyr Ennead with a grudge against Tiernon.
Although that could probably wait as well.
The Author Guy
MemberI can see why you and others would think that.
I think I did not see it as such a big deal because people had discussed it in the Alpha forums already. And that had me assuming it was much more obvious than it was/is. And that’s is a dangerous assumption since no one but us has access to the forums.
The reason it had been discussed here is due to the fact that someone looked up Eris (Hephaestus’ sister) on wikipedia (after Tom finds out who they locked up for Tiernon) and discovered that (as I knew) Eris was the mother of Orcus.
Therefore, if Eris was Tiernon’s step mother, Orcus and Tiernon were step brothers.
I’d been trying to do some other foreshadowing of this with Tiernon and Torean’s discussions, and the “Olympian Tragedy” that Sentir Fallon had wrought.
Basically you need an Olympian family tree, if you have one, the surprise comes far earlier when I reveal Tiernon’s stepmother.
So I need to soften this up, move it around somehow, or foreshadow more strong. I can also just delete it.
I do agree that poor Talarius is getting a kick in the groin by this point. He’s on his knees, I could see him just falling over face forward.
This would argue, at a minimum, that the scene get shifted back to keep him from just doing himself in (except that’s a sin)
The Author Guy
MemberGood catch on that one. Will correct.
But back to your prior point. That scene was the first time he’d seen Edwyrd, I believe. He was not around when Tom was returning people to Astlan.
As far as him recognizing Tiernon, that would probably have to be told from Talarius point of view. Going through the door might be a place the POV
Let’s move this discussion to “the wedding party” which is now its own topic. We are talking over there about catatonic Talarius and where is his rage, and what needs to be done to make his soul searching cleaer.
The Author Guy
MemberHmm
Interesting thought on the balling.
Agreed on the Nimbus discussion of Zargvarst’s words.
I know, one big thing that needs to be done is better resolve the Nimbus/Stone Finger stuff. For the moment, to get to Beta 1, I have been focused on the Citadel stuff. Thinking that a partial wrap for Tal Gor/Jenn/Gastrope can come in Beta
One big thing to keep in mind, with the Nimbus/SF stuff, AND with Rede…we are running out of space, and what I can add, or have to cut is going to depend a lot on what the final “Beta” word count is going to be.
Not sure I can go much over 275K words.
Also, I’ve been thinking about an Appendix listing various gods and their avatars in the book. It’s getting hard to keep track of who works for who.
Problem is, that sort of appendix eats space, white space. And that’s the real problem. One solution would be to raise the price of the paperback a few dollars.
While the binding of the book maxes at 800 pages, any more than about 600 pages pushes the price of the paperback up, particularly overseas in extended distribution. As it is, keeping the price at $19.95, I end up making about 25 cents to 50 cents per paperback sold in a “real bookstore” in some countries (Not at Amazon though, paperbacks sold via amazon make about the same everywhere)
The Author Guy
Member[quote=Giwdul;4804]Loving the updates and additions in Alpha3. Sooooo looking forward to the big battle!!!
Here are a bunch of little things I found.
?) = Something off but not sure how to fix it.
M) = Small modification might be in order
S) = Spelling error
P) = Punctuation error
*)Suggested modificationM)Talarius had not known Ruiden could even speak,
*)Talarius had not even known Ruiden could speak,M)reopened diplomatic relationships with Mount Doom.
*)reopened diplomatic relations with Mount Doom.M)The fierd did not bother them,
*)The fierd light did not bother them,
*2)Fierd did not bother them,M)compared the full pomp of the Courts of Princes
*)compared to the full pomp of the Courts of PrincesS)the very air is charged beyond anything I have every experienced
*)the very air is charged beyond anything I have ever experiencedP)“As in an attack.” Valg’s mother asked
*)“As in an attack?” Valg’s mother askedM)They had a lot inter-plane travel they wanted to do
*)They had a lot of inter-plane travel they wanted to doM)battles with unlife resorting in significant mana generation
*)battles with unlife resulting in significant mana generationM)However, that was not a conversation of Barabus to deal with
*)However, that was not a conversation that Barabus had to deal withM)They both scrunched their faces up, and after a moment the one he did not recognize said. “Yes, I see him!” The orc said; this one’s voice sounded familiar.
*)They both scrunched their faces up, and after a moment the one he did not recognize said. “Yes, I see him!” This one’s voice sounded familiar.M)the one had seen yesterday in Krallnomton
*)the one he had seen yesterday in KrallnomtonS)orcs or demon orcs.” Herod said shaking
*)orcs or demon orcs.” Heron said shakingM)as the people starting to chant and dance.
*)as the people started to chant and dance.
[/quote]
All fixed thanks!
[quote=Giwdul;4804]
?)“Perhaps,” Hilda cautioned, “yet do not discount the amount of mana that the various off plane avatars would have deployed through their Illuminaries, we don’t need to have as many ‘boots on the ground’ so to speak.”
*)This statement from Hilda seems off. She is personaly an expert on Unlife (she should know exactly how effective Illuminaries vs avatars are) and is talking to two VERRY senior avatars with thousands of years of experience in that particular multi-melina war. This statement seems a bit arrogant on Hilda’s part wich seems quite out of character for her.
[/quote]
Well she’s trying to say that they suppled a lot of mana to a larger number of priests than there were D’Orcs on the ground.Perhaps, if she said it more humbly and they countered with the effectiveness of saints in combat?
[quote]
“Perhaps,” Hilda cautioned, “yet I am not sure I would discount the amount of mana that the various off plane avatars would have deployed through their Illuminaries. An avatar working through priests can be in many places at once; priests, as proxies can greatly magnify an avatars ability to exert influence.”Dashgar nodded in agreement. “That is, of course, the argument that has been made by Sentir Fallon”
“And is certainly true on an ongoing basis. However, during major battles, D’Orcs and avatars are far more potent than mortal priests. Also, Orcus had shamans, wizards, and druids, working with him.” Inethya said.
[/quote]
[quote=Giwdul;4804]
M)They do what it takes to keep us from expanding, but they have not tried the sort of large scale attacks against us
*)They do what it takes to keep us from expanding, but they have not tried the sort of large scale attacks against us that we saw several thousand years ago.M)Given that the strength of the Unlife our people are encountering, they
*)Given that the strength of the Unlife our people are encountering has been increasing, they
[/quote]
Odd how my keyboard is now missing entire sentence fragments that must have been in my head. So obvious when you point it out! Thanks[quote=Giwdul;4804]
S)I would aid if I could, be we all know the politics of that
*)I would aid if I could, but we all know the politics of thatM)“A victory he could not win? Inconceivable!”
*)”A battle he could not win? Inconceivable!”
*2)“A victory he did not think he could claim? Inconceivable!”
[/quote]
Went with “War he could not win” as it ties out to what Tiernon had just said.Thanks!
[quote=Giwdul;4804]
M)because that would one seriously large mana beacon
*)because that would be one seriously large mana beaconM)Heavy breathing, muttering along with snarls of low rage came from a clearing
*)Heavy breathing, muttering and snarls of low rage came from a clearingM)Tamarin was there as was Vaselle, however, showed no sign of realizing he was present. Given that he was technically Dream Walking, although he might have suspected the djinni to notice.
*)Tamarin was there as was Vaselle, however, they showed no sign of realizing he was present. He wasn’t surpprised, given that he was technically Dream Walking, although he might have expected the djinni to notice.M)“Our order is faithful to and respects all the Gods of Light.
*)“My order is faithful to and respects all the Gods of Light.
[/quote]He means Our “Order” like an Order of Knights.
So I think I should capitalize Order to be clear he doesn’t mean that he has been ordered.Does that work? Or?
[quote=Giwdul;4804]
M)that is something we learned the aetós,
*)that is something we learned from the aetós,M)his tusks move with head.
*)his tusks move with his head.M)training with their respective states
*)training with their respective saintsM)against Sentir Fallon, several of his avatars along
*)against Sentir Fallon, several of his fellow avatars along
*2)against Sentir Fallon, several of his saints alongM)that they befall the same fate
*)that the same fate befall themS)chair to continue face Tom
*)chair to continue facing TomM)in strange world simply proceeded
*)landing in a strange world, he simply proceededM)and Tom made no mentioned of it
*)and Tom had made no mention of itS)Prince Arial
*)Prince Arial is used in several places instead of Prince ArielM)These are the words of Lord Tommus as spoken to the demon soldiers whose leader, Lilith the Jilted Bride, abandoned them to their certain defeat
*)These are the words of Lord Tommus as spoken to the commander of the demon soldiers whom Lilith the Jilted Bride abandoned to their certain defeatM)All attributes I would attribute to an orc.
*)All traits I would attribute to an orc.M)I guess I am just too taken aback by his play, that I am not putting the pieces together
*)I guess I am just so taken aback by his play, that I am not putting the pieces togetherM)“And what might that be?” Antefalken asked.
*)“And what might those questions be?” Antefalken asked.M)I am simply saying is that there is more
*)I am simply saying that there is moreM)having a bit of a crisis of conscious
*)Is this supposed to be: crisis of concience?M)There had been a saint and an avatar investigating his abduction?
*)There had been a saint and an archon investigating his abduction?S)Beragamos Antilles
*)Beragamos Antilles was used several times instead of Beragamos Antidelles as per HH.
[/quote]He even gets his own name wrong in correcting someone else! Ack #-o
[quote=Giwdul;4804]
M)every direction we have had sent wardens to look
*)every direction that we have sent wardens to look[/quote]
Super thanks! Fixed in document!
The Author Guy
MemberOK,
So as expected, the Wedding Party came as a massive shocker both to readers and to Tom and Talarius.
I am spinning this off for more discussion.
If people are Greek Scholars, or just obsessive about Greek Mythology, the Wedding Party is no big surprise, but for everyone else it can be a jaw dropping shock.
In particular, the shock to Talarius’ mental health may be so bad that he locks himself in his room and lets the Citadel go its own way.
So, let’s discuss what we like/don’t like and what should be done to either give hints sooner, move the scene back, cut the scene, or what?
Biggest point for me, right now, is that Talarius has just been hit with a nuke on top of everything else crumbling in his world.
The Author Guy
Memberyes, but there have been a number of things, like the revelation from Sekhmekt regarding a) being a god and b) what the Five Siblings did to their people.
But a big thing was/is: Tom has challenged his hubris and his fear of it (which is a sin and a downfall of many a knight–from book 1). There is no logical reason for a Demon Prince to be doing all of this to a simple mortal.
I suspect I need to have him do more soul searching earlier to explain this, even if the scene vanishes. We need to understand his weary/worn down thought process better.
The Author Guy
MemberWell, she knows he’s the guy who restarted Doom and that implies a prince.
But I do think she needs more “shock” factor work. She’s not really putting it all together and freaking out like she should be.
The Author Guy
MemberMissed this I believe.
Note that the initial message doesn’t have a “thank” that means I didn’t fix it.
Thanks for bringing this back up!
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