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Saw the mention of the voting on Amazon and jumped over to vote. b4 is ending, B2 is coming, and B3 writing has started. Whoo!
Oh, I see. I got Beta 2 mixed up with Release 2. I just saw you mention Release 2 in the Beta 2 Status thread and was rather perplexed.
If the main arc of Book 2 is to have Tom go from fake to real you’re going to need to extend the ending from beta 1 a lot more. Even with Tom defeating Lilith’s forces he doesn’t feel powerful, rather he just got lucky. For me to feel that Tom’s power is now real he’d need to confront his enemies, lay down the gauntlet, and tell them to [s]piss off[/s] please leave.
Edit: Basically, Tom needs to present and assert himself to the outside forces rather than just those within Mount Doom.
Also, why did Tizzy & Arg-nargoloth not meet and have their discussion until the end of Beta 1? I would have thought they’d get together when Tom first arrived and talked. Start the Tizzy conspiracy sooner and have reader on the lookout for his manipulations and start playing with Tom vs. Tizzy moments.
So basically, you’ve the middle of the book to the end of the book for Arg-nargoloth to determine that Tizzy kept his promise. And then you’ve got the beginning of the book to the middle of the book for the heavenly host to determine that Tom is Orcus.
Hm, now that I write this I think I understand why the story felt somewhat disconnected. It’s like Heavenly Host is two books following each other and the events in part 1 are not prominent in part 2. Hopefully when I read Beta 2 it will feel more interwoven.
[quote=The Author Guy;2401]
I just got the 2nd Edition pushed to people this week, and this morning I got a reader asking why some mistakes he’d flagged in his notes were still there.[/quote]Beta 2 is live?
Change it so that dying in the Abyss isn’t permanent, but dying anywhere damages a demon. The more the damage the harder / longer it is to recover. So, what happens if you damage a damaged demon? Maybe it becomes even harder to hold together and they just eventually dissipate when the soul is attacked instead of a body.
Or, if you go that route with the D’Orcs have them dying several times until finally fading or suiciding by refusing to reform and then you get this really tragic group given the 4000 year history. Slowly being ground away, returning only to be beat down again.
Unfortunately it’d require a [b]major[/b] rewrite to Book 2, but it wouldn’t need Book 1 to be revised and you might be able to into an style of immortal warfare. If you do it well it could provide some very interesting strategies and combat styles, e.g., more suicide attacks if it gets your side to win, that could really help the book to stand out.
Jenn’s & Gastropé’s thoughts were boring. Nothing came to life when reading their parts. They need to be more lively or interact with demons.
Also, why didn’t Tom spare a thought for Jenn & Gastropé? They may not know he is Tom, but he knows that they are in trouble even if he & Rupert have fled.
Have them fall into a dangerous situation. Have Jenn step up and be a [s]man[/s] woman by saving Gastopé. Jenn is becoming quite good at handling her fears.
The roller coaster ride is one of the elements. I mentioned it specifically because that scene made me think things were too silly and out of place regarding my how I viewed Astlan. But it was also that scene that made me first realize that I didn’t really care about the Jenn & Gastropé side story and when I first felt the urge to skip ahead.
I get that it is relevant, but does knowing every step of the journey actually matter or is it being in the right place at the right time? [u]Especially[/u] since none of it ties into anything for Book 2. It seems like whole Jenn & co. journey resulted in 2 things. First, they know about the D’Orcs. Second, they are at wargtown. Everything else is fluff.
Basically, anything between the time they left Freehold & the time they get the message about the D’Orcs can be saved for when a particular detail matters.
Honestly I think a lot of things would work better (and require less text) if you expanded the Book 2 timeline to be another month rather than a week. That way you could put people in the right places at the right times and have them just pop-up and be ready to intersect w/ Tom’s or Hilda’s story.
Possible Book 2 endings that would have hooked me (depending on the build up) for Book 3:
– Talarius admitting his hubris and asking Tom to setup a meeting for his return.
– Hilda or someone from Talarius & co. wanting to setup a meeting w/ Tom.Basically ramp up the tension on Tiernon & co. vs. Tom and then just with the promise of resolution. But not the Oosters. Leave them in the wings waiting to crash the party and screw things over in their zealousness. I mean, this book is called “Heavenly Host” and the conflict is Tom vs. Heaven’s forces.
The POV for this scene is Iskerus, but the way the text starts implies this POV is Barabus. I was confused by the shift to Iskerus mid-scene and had to re-read it.
