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Yes, very good points.
I was trying to walk a balance there; I wanted to include it for reference back to book 1 and the whole plot taking place inside Freehold (other than Hilda) while Tom is away. But their reaction to Tom is not so much fear of him as fear of the consequences of what he’s unleashed.
So I need a way (I think, but maybe I don’t) to give some blurb on that part of the plot.
In point of fact, the Archdemon trio will most likely be split somewhat on Tom. Of course they are already split because we know that Bess is playing Ramses and Exador off each other (she’s sleeping with both and the other doesn’t know) and she plans to seize the book for herself and her pantheon leaving Ramses and Exador out in the cold. Although we have to assume the other two are thinking similarly.
And by the end, the Nyjyr Ennead is already starting to line up with Tom; so Bess will probably end up on his side…or there will be more schisms.
The problem is, alliances/oppositions are so complex that they are hard to describe in the blurb; so you basically have to “sound bite” them and in doing so, of course, you lose a lot of information and can actually portray the opposite of true reality.
So thoughts on fixing this paragraph?
[quote]I wonder how the safety features are handled in that ship. Could it be acquired/boarded?[/quote]
It’s basically a ‘flying’ submarine. Presumably, but not without casualties. What do you think the chances of capturing the Red October are? I keep seeing an Oorstemothian saying “it is time” from the conning tower. They then all start singing songs from Mount Doom.
I really liked that movie. :d/
[quote]So far we saw two bonded Djinns, both to rulers. Is that an coincident? [i] Etc.[/i][/quote]
I see it more like the TV series, these guys are emissaries/assistants/advisers. First role is as confidant/information source/advisor; yes technically they will obey orders (within their power) formulated as a wish; but there are limits/rules that are TBD as far as Tom is concerned; presumably Randolf knows them all. Typically the real advantage of djinns is knowledge. What one djinn knows, they all “can” know; not automatically etc but they can know; see Tamarin’s knowledge of the Council.
For me, wishes are very dangerous. As a DM from the last century, my general “wish” rule is, I am going to do everything in my power to make you regret a wish. Djinn’s don’t necessarily do this though. If they like you and are ‘in sync/agreement’ with the wish, you will get it; if you are are abusing it/things; they are going to interpret it how they please within the rules. So your best bet is to ensure the djinn is aligned/sympathetic to you.
“Bad avatar” depends on context. Aodh is a good alvaran avatar; but really not a nice person. Sentir Fallon is highly suspect and is the one known corrupted avatar. Beragamos, I think, is pretty legit. Everyone else is their own self and we have to see how they react. But by and large they will all (including SF) will do what they think is correct. Now, what correct IS, well…
I think you have a very critical point with Tizzy, the book and his spoken word. Good luck Lenny!
As far as Egyptians…could be corruption, not clear yet. They are working with archdemons, avoiding the princes and major court people. I would guess that they are not per se “anti-Lilith” but don’t want her involved. Whatever they think the book is, Lillith having it would be counter productive to their goals. (If she knows what it is/or what they think it is; she will want it for herself)
At the moment, they really just want to erase the Etonians (Tiernon and his siblings) from the multiverse and regain their rightful place. Or so it would seem.
Hi,
As previously mentioned, I am listing all the Beta Demons in the front matter credits.
By default I will use your Display Name here on the site (name NOT email)
If you would prefer some other name (e.g. real name, email, spelling corrected version) post a note here.
T-A-G
Here is the last part of 84.0 for now.
Does this work better?
[quote]“A demon granting mercy?” Moradel sounded incredulous. Hilda had been as well, but Trisfelt proceeded with a logical explanation, so she used his explanation.
“Well, the demon tried to grant Talarius mercy; it allowed him to surrender, whereupon the demon shape changed into a human male.” This evoked some discussion, but not as much as she would have expected. “He then walked over and was, apparently accepting the Knight’s surrender, when Talarius pulled Excrathadorus Mortis on the demon and stabbed him.” The room broke into a loud round of cheers. They were all, of course, familiar with the ancient Excrathadorus Mortis dagger. It was legendary and over four thousand years old.
Hilda coughed again, loudly. The room went silent, realizing she was not done. Hilda grimaced. “Well this is where the Pool drain comes in…” The room was deathly silent. “Apparently, at this point, the human shaped demon began pulling mana from the priests he’d compromised and used Divine Mana to cleanse the wound, and heal himself.” Literal pandemonium broke out as people began arguing about the obvious impossibility of this.
Moradel had to let this rage on for 10 minutes before he got them to quiet down. “Anything more Hilda? Where did the demon go?”
Hilda grimaced, preparing to give more bad news. “Well, that wasn’t the totality of the mana drain…” The room stayed silent. “Apparently the demon then used the Divine Mana to reverse Excrathadorus Mortis.” People began yelling at this point, since it was beyond impossible.
“Enough!” Moradel shouted at the room after another ten minutes. “Hilda, we all find this hard to believe, but fine, for now…please explain why things seem so calm on the battlefield now.”
“Well, apparently after doing this, the demon opened a portal to the Abyss under Talarius and dropped him through it.” People gasped, Hilda continued quickly, “The demon then sent his minions through before leaping through himself and sealing it behind him.” Hilda gestured that she was finished. “Which is my I say the demon tried to grant Talarius mercy; Talarius refused it.” The room once again became pandemonium.[/quote]~(86.3)
Quote:
Boggy frowned; this was very clearly frown Talarius thoughtShould be an “a” between clearly and frown.
~[94A.10]
Quote:
If he had to guess, all three were fiends like Tizzy.Only two other demons came through with Tizzy so that should be “both were fiends like Tizzy.”
~(96.2)
Quote:
“He is my hostage.” Something true! He will not harm you, nor will you harm him. He is part of my strategy. He glanced at Talarius,The highlighted portion should be in quotation marks since Tom is talking to the D’Orcs.
Your main complaint in beta was:
“I hate Jenn and Gastrope’s story; remove it; remove the Grove and the Nimbus or cut them down to almost nothing.” You also weren’t that happy with too much Hilda.
I did cut out the roller coaster. But cutting out the Grove and Gastrope’ and Jenn storylines sabotages stuff that comes later. I have to set things up for future events; otherwise there is no backstory or I have to spring it on people. That’s the [b]forest[/b]; you wanted me to start cutting down half the trees in it.
The POV’s were mentioned, but all about they are distracting us from Tom; not that they were confusing and certainly I saw no major complaints on the rehashing that said that exactly.
Here is the thing, Tom was stuck in a cave for several days while Talarius recovered and he figured out what to do. Now in book 1, he also spent a lot of time in the cave, and we sort of skipped over it in time and just said that he made furniture. We could do this because nothing else was happening. So time could jump a couple days for everyone.
This time, when he was stuck in the cave for several days, a LOT of other stuff was happening, a lot of stuff that was setting up future books and reactions from observers; the reaction scenes were things that lots of people had requested in various forums here and on Amazon and Goodreads had asked for; so I wanted to deliver. So while he is doing nothing, I covered the important stuff other people were doing.
What was I supposed to do during that time period? Have pages and pages of the guys in the cave navel gazing and having odd conversations with Tizzy and arguments with sleeping Talarius? I could have covered more Reggie, but that too would have been distracting to you.
You mentioned something in the review about the sex bothering you?
This is why I want you to try writing a book, a book who’s story you believe in and that you want to tell. I have constraints; the constraints of the story itself. You want me to toss them out because you don’t understand them. I can’t do this and still have “the story”
Now everyone wanted more action, more battles; I gave you all that. But you still weren’t happy.
Honestly, I had and have no idea what you wanted. You just told me what you didn’t want, which was like half the book. You don’t ever tell me what’s good; only what’s bad. So I have no idea what it is you actually want; just what you didn’t want. You are the reviewer of “No” but you can’t articulate why you say “no” you just say “no”
“I hate Hilda; I hate the Grove; it’s boring; it’s not going anywhere, it doesn’t add to the plot.” [b][i](FOREST ALERT–this is what you call the straw man)[/i][/b] I kept telling you yes it does add to the plot/story; you just can’t see it yet. But you said “cut it out anyway” and when I said I couldn’t; you didn’t work to make it better/more interesting you just went away.
So whatever, the books will march on and I will get feedback, input and even direction from those that want to provide it. But Rosver, it’s my story and I have to tell it. I will be guided by others, but I can’t please everyone. It just isn’t possible. If you don’t like it and don’t want to add constructive criticism that improves the book but only hack it to pieces, that’s your right. I’ll take it under advisement; but I’d really prefer you to be helpful and constructive and not so negative, defensive and curmudgeonly.
You have great insight and a keen mind, I just wish you’d use it to build rather than tear down.
I see your point; I’m also trying to not tell people what is happening here; since often blurbs are like movie trailers. Just watch the trailer/read the blurb skip the entree.
I had a lucky situation with Book 1. I basically put the setup on the back and what ensued was in the book. The setup of the story was the hook to get people in.
So, I think unconsciously, meaning wasn’t seeing it as much until you pointed it out I did the same here: “this is the setup” for book 2.
Also, I think I was trying to pose it in a “classic fantasy dilemma” without people knowing that the “evil” character was the hero; and the twist.
Actually I think my biggest fear is giving away too much of the ending of book 1 before people read it. So I was trying to dance around it.
Let me think on a different approach then, similar to what you are saying.
Actually, to be more clear.
If Sentir Fallon had realized/recognized the corrupting influence of the dagger, he would not have given it to a Rod member or anyone. He’d have hidden somewhere far far away and sealed off.
Hi,
Just got cover art from Jacob this morning and added text as per 2ed cover (still playing with text)
[img=http://www.astlan.net/Portals/9/DOA_THH_Cover_med.jpg]The Heavenly Host Cover[/img]
And yes, it’s a montage rather than an actual scene…
T-A-G
Yeah, I have to read that part of book 1 again. But yes, you can kill a demon permanently in the abyss, you just have to do more damage or so much damage that they can’t regenerate from it.
The point of the discussion was that dragons didn’t regenerate as fast, but they could would reappear somewhere else and regenerate slowly. Whereas demons you had to really go after, but you could eventually kill them or chop them into so many pieces they couldn’t regenerate.
What is not clear to Tom for example: Is beheading a demon enough to kill it permanently in the Abyss? Which part would regenerate? This will start worrying him.
On the other planes if things get too much to regenerate, demons fade back to the abyss. But in the abyss there is no where to fade to.
So presumably you could do enough damage that there wasn’t enough left for the demon to regenerate from.
Now, that being said, they are MUCH hard to kill in the Abyss than in other planes, but you can kill them. On other planes you would have to do a special ritualistic slaying or use something like the dagger or a C.O.D. (presumably) to kill the demon. But in the Abyss, sufficient damage alone can do it.
A nuke like Lenamare’s on Astlan would send the demon to the Abyss. the same nuke in the abyss would permanently kill the demon.
Probably should flesh this out better.
Hi,
One thing you do not see in the front matter of the Beta Edition is the credits for the Beta Demons.
All Beta Demons will be listed in the front matter with thanks.
By default, I will use your Display Name unless you state otherwise.
If you want to use a different handle, your email, your name, your true name (Given that Lenamare is reading the book, I don’t recommend this) post a reply to this topic.
T-A-G
How to report problems/issues/comments/corrections to the book.
The book has chapters 80 through 111.
Inside of each chapter are ~ which are shifts of scene or character point of view
For the purpose of BETA editing, each ~ has a (Chapter#.Scene) notation
E.g. 83.3 is Chapter 83 Scene 3.
You will note that there is actually a 0 Scene in every chapter. This is the first scene in each chapter before the break.
So if there is something to report in Chapter 83 before Scene 1 use 83.0
So, what I want people to do is this.
First person with an issue with a scene, create a topic in this forum called (Chapter#.Scene) Issues
E.g. (83.0) Issues
People with comments on the issue, or MORE issues with the same Chapter/Section, add to the topic. I.e. let’s keep all issues with a given scene in one place.
Any other issues that are multiscene or over all, just post with a descriptive topic name.
Also my motto for the last few months has been
If I have time to read, then I have time to write…so write is right!
Previously I had very little control on the X-Ray. Now whether that’s because it’s just not obviously documented or they don’t give it to us is a good question that I need to explore.
There are a lot of weird features that are only obvious if you use the platform a lot.
For example, for years, I’d read Kindle books on my iPad, about a month after using a kindle paperwhite I got to see the first book, I realized that I could see all public comments and notations that people had made.
I am like…this is so cool. I really wish Amazon had a beta program that used that feature. Where you could create a group of users to share your comments with and then have a mechanism to distribute ebooks just to beta readers (for free) I’d pay up for that feature, as I am sure a lot of authors would
So let me take a look at Xray. I’ll do that while the book is at the Editor and I’m otherwise biting my nails…
