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[quote=Tizzy;367]
Vampires are godless, vicious, bloody, killing machines without heart, soul, compassion or remorse. .
You know “good folks” really fun to party with.
[/quote]
Thanks for the compliments Tizzy but I disagree about being bloody and without ‘heart’. First, being a messy eater might be entertaining to scare prey but it’s ultimately impractical. Second, I have ‘heart’ but I can assure you it’s shriveled and dead–like my ex-wives. And third, the lack of soul, compassion or remorse usually follows being a lawyer so it’s kind of redundant. But really, thanks anyway.I think you forget something my friend…I am a lawyer. And not just any lawyer either. Oh no!I’m a fucking contract lawyer and now that I know where to find that bastard I’m going to throw the Book at him. For those of you who don’t know what the Book is, it is an inescapable torture device which holds all the most serene, non-violent and extremely boring facts and knowledge of all Existence. Worst of all, it contains no less than three million math essay questions. Either Cheney gives me my virgins or he spends all of eternity memorizing the Book’s contents. :d/ Victory is soon to be mine!
They stole my Book! Those BASTARDS! Tizzy, would you be willing to loan Tom to me for..say…a day? As we all know, you are his unequivocal lord and master and I daresay he could never resist your…charm. Yes, let’s call it ‘charm’. In exchange for Tom’s services I offer you the Staff of Ecstasy. I’ll leave you to guess what it is and does.
Do we have a deal?Well, Tizzy, if you really want to knock ’em dead you can always tell them where you stash your pipe. I’m sure they’d be suitably…surprised.
[quote=Tizzy;275]Well, clearly none of your friends are mortgage lenders or work for credit card companies, banks, investment firms or tech startups otherwise they would realize that this is simply Standard Operating Procedure in the business world.
:^o[/quote]
You forgot insurance agencies.
Except, you know, communicable STDs and the general stigma associated with signing a contract in blood and the manner used to obtain the blood and the general unpleasantness involved in the whole situation, your own irate fury at being screwed over, etc., etc. Did I miss anything?
I agree. You’re definitely certifiable. However I think the both of us forgot one giant bloodsucking problem: lawyers. They have to be demonic or undead in some manner
I suppose now is a bad time to mention my degree in law and that brief span of time as an attorney:-({|= …
Allow me to put it this way…I don’t have a soul to sell, I didn’t give it away and that ‘brief span’ covers closer to three centuries. The only unfortunate thing is, I have to return to law school to refresh my degree every now and then. Dear gods, college is more expensive than my ex-wife! Sadly, she disappeared under mysterious circumstances.:-({|=
However, I haven’t had yet managed to be referred to as a ‘business consultant’. Perhaps I’ll put it next on my list.By the way, when you were still alive, did you ever consider becoming a vampire? The hours are murder and the side-effects are rather damning but the fiscal and female benefits are rather numerous and my cold, dead heart has never been more satisfied. Of course, the stakes are quite high, but it is oh-so worth it. Hmm…now that I think about it, is it not perfect for a demon and vampire to work side-by-side; or, at least, fang-in-claw? They sell you their souls, I bite them, they die, you get what you want, I get an undead slave to further my empire. The idea is so tempting…
But alas, I fear I would never be able to ally with such a vulgar creature as you Tizzy. There are some things even lawyers won’t do. And before you ask, yes, sleeping with Hilary Clinton is one of them.
🙁 I was laughing first you immortal bastard, even if you were technically born before I was! Also, if you guys don’t mind selling your soul a second or(97th time or so) I’ve got free chocolate!=p~ And yes, the free is a misnomer because all you have to do to get it is give me your eternal soul which I will then sell to your original contractors for more chocolate.:-k I’m sensing a never-ending cycle here…oh well, it’s chocolate. Your eternal souls are definitely worth me getting more of it. Now fork them over or SUFFER!!!! :d/
