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  • #1213

    The first 40% percent of the book are somewhat boring, we need a little bit action or drama

    1. Lilith could send some goons to apprehend our favourite knight rampant. They could succeed or not. If they succeed Tom could confront Lilith.
    2. Jenn is told about Rupert being a demon in disguise.
    3. An group of animagi mind reaver want to start a war between Oorstemothian and the Rod in Freehold. Wouldn’t that be fun.
    Speaking of animagi: The plural of succubus is succubi and the plural of incubus is incubi. Not succubae.

    A few of the reaction sections have following sections, in which the reaction sections are discussed in a more private setting. Maybe you can cut those out and add the important content of the reaction sections to the following sections, in which….

    I know you want create a feeling of disbelieve, shock and panic. I think it’s enough to say that our favourite trio is freaking out over it and that Lilith is astonished. They are the most powerful and most experienced, it’s almost a given that the Oorstemothian and the Rod will freak out too. So instead of retelling how incredible it is to reverse the dagger, maybe you should just tell us what actions they take. That should be disconcerting enough.

    The council giving Exador a chance to prove he’s not a demon is a rather ridiculous occurrence. I mean, if he fooled them for a few thousand generations, why wouldn’t he be able to pass their tests?


    That is basically the point the council comes to later in the book…so they are rather stuck on what to do.

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