The chopping block
- This topic has 16 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
I disagree, I believe Vaselle’s scenes are quite important. As for Tal Gor and Rupert, I feel that they had too many short interspersed scenes. Please remember that there is legitimate cost each time you switch perspectives. And when they don’t relate to the “main” events directly, they can be rather difficult to deal with.
I also found the constant “I went out to swear in more people” thing from Tom annoying. I realize that was all Tom did for a significant period of time, but there was far too much detail there and it is during that time that you could have focused on the adventures of either Tal Gor and/or Rupert. Each one should have maybe a chapter or so dedicated to their exploits. Instead, the entire thing felt extremely disjointed.
Also, if you want to talk about something to add… I would have loved to be in on the discussion between Saint Hilda and Barabus. Talking about church doctrine and how Exador was able to twist it would have been awesome (although, probably hard to write).
P.S. I see how hard you work to keep things on a logical timeline while at the same time showing different points of view. It is very admirable. That being said however, it makes for bad story telling. Especially when stories diverge and their re-merging neither imminent nor obvious.
[quote=JMX;4076]
I agree that the extra scenes add to the story world. The only gripe I have is it broke up the chapters a lot. It seemed like Some pov would only be two paragraphs. Be nice if there is a way to consolidate the side stories. So there are not quite so many pov changes per chapter. Example Maybe tell all or most of Rupert’s story at one chapter? I don’t know how much that would interfere with the timeline aspect.
[/quote]Yeah, I think that’s gonna be a major issue with some readers. The multiple POVs of so many characters. They’d say the story’s a mess. I understand how it came to be though. Since the story is like going on day by day, and the POV is moving from character to character as it shows what people are doing at a certain time and it keeps getting more complicated as more and more characters seem to be getting introduced. Sometimes I go, who the heck is this person again? Makes it hard to get attached to any of them. Especially since they just keep talking and talking and there was simply no conflict nor excitement at all.
[quote=Racue;4025]The D’orc summoning booty call is pretty unnecessary just sayin. Amusing but unnecessary [/quote]
Heh, yeah I had to skim around to find what you’re talking about and I had to agree. Unless of course, that scene was suppose to show that they have a relationship with each other.
[quote=smw;4038]I disagree, I believe Vaselle’s scenes are quite important.[/quote]
Hm depends on how much character development you want I suppose. Basically for me it goes like this – Vaselle’s feeling happy about his life. He got over the rejection he got from the brotherhood and the priesthood and doesn’t mind talking to priests anymore. (Make a shorter bar talk scene or at least more interesting – bar fight? bonding experience right there, heh) Vaselle gets hangover and tries to cover for Edwyrd from Jenn (This was boring and how relevant is it? We could just have Jenn be surprised to find Edwyrd where they were. “howd you get here? where’s Rupert?”) Vaselle wants be more useful to his Master and decides to use his skills to make Gate thingies. (This one I think the scene when he thought of it stays in. The trial run scene can be taken out. (or make them have an accident – “Kyaa!” “Er sorry lady, wrong er portal?”
The first time they use it in another scene, just add a short explanation that Vaselle made it and how it worked. ) The other stuff should be ok. (Edit) Post here stuff you think needs to be chopped off and why and also rebuttals.
Table of Contents: Just chop it off. Unnecessary waste of space and just by looking at it, would it really be helpful to the reader? If you must have one at least give per chapter a short descriptive title though this would be like a spoiler.
Preface: Chop or move to the back.
Starting from Chapter 121. Chop off Vaselle’s scenes. As for the dimensional gate invention, could probably explain how it came to be when they first used it for some important scene. Didn’t recall any in the book.
Rupert and er company, forgot his name. Could chop off their scenes as well after the shaman meeting. Don’t think we need to learn he won a drinking contest.
Chop off the too many tea time scenes where so and so were discussing the current events (or at least make em shorter) while they eat/drink something.
Chop off Damien and other people’s scenes where they don’t really do anything. Like the one where he does a disappearing act before Jenn confronts vaselle. Do we even need Vaselle to meet Teragdor? We could just get rid of the scenes that resulted from that encounter.
Rather rambling I know, it’s hard to go through all that text a second/third time.
Well that’s it for now, I have to reread per chapter first to decide unnecessary parts.
I feel like a lot of the scenes with Tal Gor were unnecessary, the only one that was needed was the fight with the Alfar.
Table of Contents:
It’s detail right now is mainly for the benefit of Beta Demons so they can quickly find sections that are being discussed.
I am ambivalent as to whether to include the details. Certainly in the paperback version I won’t. Kindle??? If people think it is useful? We can do a vote.
I need to consolidate/chop/or oomph a lot of the smaller scenes.
I adored all of it. The details lovely. In paperback you can get rid of some of the scenes, the booty call yes, maybe a few of tal gors, though they were really nice for building up for his battle with the alfar, and like one of vaselles. But for kindle? No reason to. Its world building, it was relevant, and entertaining. Your not constrained to word number in ebooks i think?
Really a small thing in overall aspect of everything but chapter 124 sentence 3 you said “their shared quarters were a narrow metal walled chamber approximately 8 feet deep, 8 feet deep and at best, 8 feet wide.” i could be wrong but i don’t think that 8 feet deep needs to be in there twice.
[quote=kyler;4037]Really a small thing in overall aspect of everything but chapter 124 sentence 3 you said “their shared quarters were a narrow metal walled chamber approximately 8 feet deep, 8 feet deep and at best, 8 feet wide.” i could be wrong but i don’t think that 8 feet deep needs to be in there twice. [/quote]
Can you repost this as its own topic please? I don’t want to miss it in the what to maybe axe section.
[quote=LCSpartan051;3982]I feel like a lot of the scenes with Tal Gor were unnecessary, the only one that was needed was the fight with the Alfar.[/quote]
Yeah I found there to be far to much Orc stuff whilst not enough of beloved characters from boos 1 and 2
Yeah, Jen and Gastrope’ have not had much to do, that will change in book 4. Same with Lenamare, Trisfelt and the Council.
I hope to oomph Freehold some more. Lenamare and Freehold definitely have more stuff going on in the background. Jenn/Gastrope’ etal are sort of stuck on their cloud for the moment. Their stuff is just about to start picking up.
Depending on how much space we have left after the big battle and the earlier “oomphing” we may be able to get them into play now that they are in the same region as Tal Gor again, otherwise that stuff kicks off in Book 4.
A lot of my original ordering/plan kind of went into disarray during the HH’s beta reading. I ended up moving the Storm Lords up much sooner, which in turn delayed some of the Nyjyr Ennead stuff, for which the Nimbus was needed sooner.
That’s one reason I talk about Beta Demons needing to be able to handle alternate realities/timelines. The story has taken a bit of a shift due to input from the last beta. The destination is still the same, it’s just how we get there.
[quote=Lhans;3963]
Table of Contents: Just chop it off. Unnecessary waste of space and just by looking at it, would it really be helpful to the reader? If you must have one at least give per chapter a short descriptive title though this would be like a spoiler. [/quote]
I can agree with this. It wasn’t much of a concern for me though, I simply ignore TOC.
[quote=Lhans;3963]Preface: Chop or move to the back.[/quote]
Agreed. While it was interesting it was dry and somewhat boring. Although, having read it, I did find it come in handy later on in the story. So I do think it is valuable, just not at the front. Though, I did like the timeline.
[quote=Lhans;3963]Starting from Chapter 121. Chop off Vaselle’s scenes. As for the dimensional gate invention, could probably explain how it came to be when they first used it for some important scene. Didn’t recall any in the book. [/quote]
WhAAAT???? No No No, I love Vaselle. I was happy to see so much of him. I liked the explanation of the dimensional gate invention. Maybe there was a bit tooo much information that could be simplified or condensed, but I enjoyed actually seeing someone work through the “technology”. So much just “happens” that it was a refreshing perspective.
[quote=Lhans;3963]Rupert and er company, forgot his name. Could chop off their scenes as well after the shaman meeting. Don’t think we need to learn he won a drinking contest. [/quote]
I disagree, Rupert and Rog are cute and fun and add another facet to the characters in the story. I would also imagine that Rupert still has quite a part to play in the arc, we don’t want to lose them. However, if we actually saw more of them in relation to Tom, creating a stronger link, I think the parts they have would feel more in place instead of out of place.
[quote=Lhans;3963]Chop off the too many tea time scenes where so and so were discussing the current events (or at least make em shorter) while they eat/drink something.[/quote]
As long as it’s not chopping out wine time, I suppose I agree 🙂
[quote=Lhans;3963]Chop off Damien and other people’s scenes where they don’t really do anything. Like the one where he does a disappearing act before Jenn confronts vaselle. Do we even need Vaselle to meet Teragdor? We could just get rid of the scenes that resulted from that encounter. [/quote]
Because Jen is so minimal in this story that scene did seem a little odd. But, I felt it necessary to include Damien as his being at the party/battle in 2 was very obvious, we have to have it tied off or at least referenced in 3 for continuity. I personally enjoyed Vaselle and Teragdor meeting. It also leads to possible future information shares 😉
So, my 2cp so far. In my next read I’ll look for things that seem like they aren’t necessary.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.