Fixing Bigger Issues
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Yeah,
There are a lot of things I want in like Rupert/Tom and so many things, but I somewhat struggle to get it all in, keep the pace moving and not end up with a 1000 page book.
I will see about adding some more Tom/Rupert early on. Hey, they are stuck in a cave together, maybe some father/son bonding?
Of course, I would think most actual tweens like Rupert would go “ugh”
As for Tamarin being female, romance with her is not out of the question. I also point out that (while not obvious) Zelda is quite young for a D’Orc. 🙂
Actually, she is very young for her job, but it was hereditary. In the grand scheme of the Abyss, Tom and Zelda are the same age to rounding error. Of course, it doesn’t take much more rounding error and Fer-Rog is the same age as his mother. After 25,000+ years, age differences of say 20 years are 0.08% Less than a tenth of a percent in rounding error.
Beta 3 versus Beta 2
I liked the non throwing away troops Lilith better in Beta 3, but I liked the non cliffhangery ending of Beta 2 better.
I would put the attack either in the next book, or give us an resulution of the battle.
Or at least only mention the Chaos Knights in Book 3, those are an mean teaser.In a way, the ending of beta 3 is better, but also worser than beta 2.
Beta 1 and 2 for me the ending is somewhat cheesy and corny but otherwise it fits the overall expository tone of the entire book. Beta 3 ending on the other hand is intense. It is the most interesting event that ever happened in the entire book… only to be cut short. What a bitch.
Beta 1 and 2 leave you much uninterested, while beta 3 leaves you annoyed.
Yeah, the Knights of Chaos are a rather mean thing to do. But I wanted to “wake things up” from the coma of the original last battle.
They are freaking nasty. I have had them around for a long time in alternate universes (meaning stories of mine) and toyed with bringing them in later. They are really from the same story line as the Mercenaries (but not dependent on)
They evolved in my imagination after reading too much Michael Moorcock and Roger Zelazny
In fact, the reason for adding in the new scene with Sam and Rosencrantz is because I fear Tom may need Sam’s help to defeat the Knights of Chaos. He will literally need all hands on deck, and it is a HUGE freaking nasty battle.
To put them in to book 2 would require a large number of pages and would require me to move the other cliffhangers ahead too (such as Gastrope’ & Damien/Orcs, Hilda & Jenn, etc and VERY huge move forward for Talarius and Ruiden. [SPOILER] As soon as Talarius hears that there are KofC out there, he is going to grab Ruiden, want to retrieve War Arrow (his flying horse) and charge into the Maelstrom–battling KofC would be like a dreamgasm for him.[/SPOILER]
It would probably mean another 70-100 pages.
BUT a huge complaint was the “hook” leading into book 3. I.e there wasn’t one.
So is this too big a hook for the fish to swallow?
Thoughts on what to do?
[quote=The Author Guy;2595]It would probably mean another 70-100 pages.[/quote]Well, I wont object to an additional few pages. :-” =d>
[Quote]Yeah, the Knights of Chaos are a rather mean thing to do. But I wanted to “wake things up” from the coma of the original last battle.[/Quote]The Problem [b]I[/b] have with them, is we get an Name and nothing more. I don’t know who/what/why/anything about them. Only an big question mark and then the book ends.How about an report about the impending attack with the numbers 2000+Knights of Chaos in this book.
And in the next book he gets an detailed report 2000 normal demons and X amount of Knights of Chaos?Naturally I prefer the extra 70-100 pages, but just in case you dont want to do them o:)
Also, the Forum works again!
@The Author Guy
Hmmm… Why don’t you put more into the ending. Let Tom start fighing them a bit before cutting off. You seem to try a cliffhanger but ending with just naming the enemy doesn’t make much of a cliffhanger since I don’t really know who the enemies are or know if Tom is really in trouble. It might just be some demon who stink to high heaven that makes other demons dread fighting them… or Tom could have just run away… or it was just a joke to give Tom a heart attack… for all I know. A little fight would clarify that he is really in trouble and show how much in trouble Tom really is. After all, that what cliffhangers do. Put the protagonist in a dire situation (like hanging from a cliff) then comes the big:
[color=red][size=8][b]To be continued…[/b][/size][/color].
Yours is equavalent of our protagonist walking towards the edge of a cliff then suddenly the ‘To be continued…’ appears. :-s
Hmm, good points. Let me think on how I could do this.
And btw, 2000+ Knights of Chaos would be enough to conquer several planes of existence.
Most of the reinforcements are demon warriors. A platoon (15-30) of KofC is more than enough to send an archdemon into hiding on a distant plane and would cause most demon princes to barricade themselves in a “Safe Room” and surround themselves with all of their henchmen as Knight Fodder.
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