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[quote]I agree it would be funny. I’m thinking the wedding night might cause her head to blow! When he got undressed and took off his human suit![/quote]
If he does it after penetration the head isn’t the only thing that’s going to blow, but I suppose that might be to gory for the readers…:-k“This author guy lost a few things transcribing my story for people in your world.” – Are you talking about marbles, Tizzy? 🙂
P.S. The book is seriously good, though, and Tizzy’s the best, and Jen is really too uptight and annoying most of the time.
Also, its unclear how Tom uses striking techniques of tae kwon do considering most of those are done using fists which he should be unable to make what with those claws of his getting in the way. I think thats the last of the bugs in the story. Now if only the bugs with the site could be fixed(I’m using my phone here with firefox and it’s a royal pain to log in ](*,) )
Oh. This reminds me. There’s another ‘bug’ in the book: the second time Antifalken meets Lilith they discuss Tom as if they discussed him before, but there’s no mention of it in the first scene or at any point after that. Hope you’ll fix this in the later editions.
As to the appendix… I don’t think you need hyperlinks there. Like I said before it’s needed for fan fiction and to make fan fiction one needs to actually be a fan which implies reading the damn book cover to cover 🙂
[quote]He probably should have shown a reaction like “Why the hell am I living in a cave, when there is a city I could live in?”[/quote]
Personally my first reaction would be “There’s a city here??? WTF??? Why didn’t Tizzy or Bogey even mention that there was one?” I don’t actually remember it being mentioned in front of Tom until after he brought his kid to the Abyss (at which point, btw, he should’ve noticed his kid talking about something he’s never heard of considering how much of reader’s attention you attract by mentioning it). Same for the “boom tube”.Oh, and another bug I just remembered was about demon sight. At first it seems that a demon needs to shapeshift his eyes to use the sight, but then Tom uses it while he’s looking for invisible demons along with whats-his-name which should be noticeable when you walk around with a person for two hours, considering how different demons’ eyes are. And further in the book I think Tom uses it again in human form in public and no one notices.
You generally inserted chapters with descriptions of the various types of magic, moon cycles, day names etc. For the fans interested in creating fiction based on this setting this is obviously a treasure chest of information they need to know so that their stories wouldn’t conflict with each other. Most readers however aren’t going to create fan fiction and this serves as a distraction from the main story. Personally I read a few of these chapters and then generally skipped them. I would recommend either putting all this lore into a separate book (or just on the website) or into an appendix at the end of the book. It won’t distract the reader from the story that way.
Also, there are a few contradictions in the book. For example, at first no indication is given about whether or not Tom knows of the Courts of Chaos, so when they are first mentioned and there’s no reaction from Tom it makes me think “why the Hell isn’t Tom asking questions?”. I can’t speak for all of the readers, but it’s probably a good idea to have all the new stuff explained to Tom first, so that the reader isn’t confused about what Tom knows and what he doesn’t know. After all the readers are likely to associate themselves with Tom, seeing how he’s from ‘our’ Earth and such. Later in the book it’s mentioned (or implied?) that Boggy and Tom had been in a bar fight. A bar, apparently, located in the City. Again it’s implied that Tom has been there already, however when he travels with Antefalken he asks questions that a person visiting the City for the first time would ask. This just sows confusion about what Tom knows and what he doesn’t know, making it hard to follow his progress. It would be nice if in the next book the reader gained knowledge about the world of Astlan (or rather the knowledge that Tom gains about the world) through Tom, rather than through the perspectives of other characters and the “special chapters”.
P.S. It would be nice if you had an RSS feed with updates on the site (although sending an announcement through the forum should also be possible), so that when the next book comes out I could buy it straight away (I wrote a review on goodreads, by the way, hope you register there as an author)
I have an idea you might want to use to get editing done faster: crowd-source it. Set up a private wiki for beta-readers where they can read the novel beta and edit grammatical errors. Would be even better to allow that on a per-paragraph basis.
It’s pretty clear that the rules say that what you have to do to create a demon is find a soul on the astral plane, sever the tethering cord, infuse the astral body with mana (e.g. through the binding spell) and do some sort of forming. In essence it seems possible to do this not only to inhabitants of other worlds but also to the inhabitants of Astlan. So. Has anyone in the world thought of trying that? Surely there has to be a wizard out there that’s twisted enough to come up with an experiment of substituting an unbound demon with a human soul.
The nails are 9 inches in length. That’s a little longer than the diameter of his hooves. I can’t imagine how one makes a fist with nails that long 🙂
That said, I understand that this isn’t something that’s easy to fix since the fist has been mentioned so many times now.Although I can see a few strikes that could be made more brutal if one were to have claws on his fingers.
The popup is a different page in this case. IIRC, cookies from a page in a frame aren’t accepted by modern browsers by default. If you can, put the log in box on a separate page or in a “div” layer that can be hidden/shown when needed (can be made to look just as it does now, but the mechanics will be different). I’m not familiar with DNN, so can’t really recommend anything specific.
P.S. As a workaround the users can right-click on the popup and choose something like “open frame in new tab” from the popup menu and login on that page.
