Next Alpha
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Maelen: I like this thought. It gives me more to work with, with him and the Nimbus crew. I am going to pursue this line.
Well,
[SPOILER]
Your expectation is close but not exactly on the nose, things are a bit crazier than that, OK, quite a crazier than that…but your general conclusion as to who are Apostles of Doom are not wrong, it’s just a bit more complex. At least if I can work out the details I want plausibly.This will be a turning point that should be much bigger than just a battle. And it will have driving consequences for the other alliances, or potential alliances.
It’s a huge battle, but it’s not about the victory so much as how it changes the dynamics, relationships and points of views of those involved. Or at least some of them.
[/SPOILER]
And this is where a better mind-set for Talarius helps.
Although I am having more trouble than I might expect playing Ruiden into this. This was what I was working on today. Ruiden’s character is getting ill-defined or rather became less defined/more emotional after seeing his father. So call it personality development.
He was very robotic/golem like in Book II. Clearly very loyal to Talarius, and driven to find him, but rather single minded as a golem or robot might be. With his father in the picture and back with Talarius, he is suddenly more revealed as more emotionally open. Revealed as a bit more child like perhaps. I say this based on what you see in the book now and his discussion with Talarius.
He has always been intelligent, but never really spoke that much/at all to Talarius before. He had always worked as a partner to guide himself, and was empathic, but I don’t know that he really “spoke” to Talarius. He might have, and I think that needs to be adjusted one way or the other. Is Talarius surprised by Ruiden talking to him,or only surprised by how much more talkative he is?
In my mind, his stint as a sword golem has made him much more autonomous, and thus has more opinions of his own. I think this should be tied into the Talarius story as it’s clearly a new relationship between the two that needs to be worked out.
My expectations of the end of Bk3 is NOT win @ Nysegard + cutscene of Baron. That has little to do with the overarching plot of alpha0 that I’ve read. Nysegard is a key component, but it is a plot DEVICE to help with framing Tommus’s and Talarius’s interactions.
My expectation for the end of this book is that Talarius is given a quest by Tom backed by the approval of Bergamos (that guy is politcally savvy and he needs to show it) & Tiernon. Something along that sets up Talarius to be the one correcting the corruption or redeeming Tiernon’s forces. Talarius is still a worshiper of Tiernon but his time in Doom and self-examination helps him to realize that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. He is not at odds with Tiernon, just wants to bring people onto the path of honorable behavior.
Thus Talarius becomes an unofficial Apostle of Doom (we’ve yet to see an apostle of doom) because it was Tommus that charged him with the mission.
Edit: Of course other forces of Tiernon might not see it that way. They may see Talarius as corrupted which sets up a great conflict and thus is what makes it a quest worthy of his own redemption.
Here’s a bit more feedback….
Maelen…
When Maelen meets Tom / Edwyrd in bk1….he “Looks” and “Sees” different things about Tom….I assume he does this because it was unusual for him to run into another “Animage” of such power….which leads to some interesting conversations / situations later in the book….
In bk2, Maelen doesn’t meet any other self proclaimed Animages, so these situations / conversations don’t appear…
But in bk3, Maelen meets up with more “Animages” in the form of Hilda as a Healer and Beragmos as a Voyager…..I would assume that he would do the same “Look” and “See” with these two….but there is only a passing mention of Maelen wanting to talk to them in Chapter 117.
I would think that Maelen would be getting a little suspect about all of these powerful Animages that he doesn’t know (as a Seated member of the Society of Learned Fellows) coming out of the woodwork…
I enjoyed the interaction between Maelen and Tom / Edwyrd in bk1…missed it in bk2, because they went their separate ways…..and was hoping to see it occur again in bk3.
I didn’t provide these pieces of feedback because I was waiting on the final 20% since they would likely tie in, but seeing as you are doing a re-write + finishing the final 20% I may as well provide them.
– End of bk2 it is revealed that Tizzy has been plotting and pulling strings. No follow up in bk3. Yes Tom has his speculations, but you revealed Tizzy’s machinations to the reader. The big build up at the end of bk2 and it seems forgotten by Tizzy in bk3.
– Rupert’s team and Tal Gor’s advance on the Doomalouges. What’s the point from the perspective of the bk3 main plot? Tal Gor’s team is only there to set off the conflict w/ the alfar. If it missing then perhaps change it so that Tom gets a report they made it and then the Baron arrives. Basically crash Tom’s high from success.
– No follow-up from Baron of Chaos
– The origin of Rupert is touch upon several times in bk1 & 2. Barely (twice) in bk3. Feels forgotten mostly beause Rupert is not as front & center as in bk1 and bk2.
[quote=Iume;4156]I Otherwise cut out the journeys of Tal Gor, Fer Rog, and Rupert. Those are parts where tell works better than show. [/quote]
Yes I definately agree. I found it very orc story heavy – almost like a spinoff because it didn’t seem to follow on from the 1st two books very much.
I saw this pacing problem coming and its part of why I was hoping to get a synopsis for the main story and the side stories. The problem is that you are aiming for Tom’s big challenge being Nysegard but in reality it is when the gods come knocking. This is throwing off the timing because you are aiming for the wrong thing. Make Nysegard a major part but in the rewrite play up the brewing conflict with Tiernon by building on book 2 and us that focus to help extend the timeline.
Otherwise cut out the journeys of Tal Gor, Fer Rog, and Rupert. Those are parts where tell works better than show.
The purpose of writing is to present a book that you want others to read. The purpose of this Alpha/Beta is for you to get feedback on the draft of your story before you present a final product to the public at large.
So, basically, give us what story you want feedback on. If you want to have this book be about the Doomalagues, Tiernon’s and Orcus’s relationship as the Forces of Good, and beating back the Unliving, then go ahead with that. If you want to switch the focus, then feel free to do that instead.
Basically, take your time and proceed as you want. This is your book and your work. Once you figure out how you want to go, then feel free to provide a new date as to when we can expect a draft to read. Until then, we’ll wait.
That’s a question I am actually debating.
I’ve actually mainly been percolating on suggestions people have made, and that’s the problem with releasing the alpha before a first “end point”
I get a lot of great ideas for earlier things, but if I implement those, I know there will be repercussions for the later stages so I get torn about whether to back fill first to make the last 20% richer on the first pass or do I “get it done” and then enrich everything later.
In particular the following things are gnawing at me.
Ruiden’s role, his silence through much of the middle of the book.
Tiernon/Torean make them less clueless, heighten the stakes and overall tension.
I am seriously thinking about moving some things up in terms of the Lords of Chaos and also with Net and the alvar.In particularly that last bit was being introduced in the last 20% as setup; however if I introduce it sooner to bring tension up, then that has some repurcussions on the storyline for “the Apostles” Tal Gor, Rupert/Fer Rog, Ragala-nargoloth, etc.
The crux of my problem with them is as follows:
I need time for the Unlife armies to build and surround the citadel. Even with magical transport, an undead army only moves so fast. Zombies don’t jog, they shamble. Unless you want to jiggle all the flesh off their bones, in which case they are skeletons, you can’t move them that fast.
But, that means more time as Tal Gor and the Nimbus crew are in proximity near the Astlan Doomalogue, plus other stuff for the otherworld shamans.
If I nudge the Alvar sooner, then this escalates the action for the Apostles, bringing it into this book. But then I start running out of room at the end of the book for the Nysegard battle.
*Cough* Talarius knew Ruiden was sentient, did not know it was sapient. Sorry, I had to add this since in bk1 & bk2 you had this oddity for the exact usage of words like decimate being 10% which correct but not common usage.
It could be interesting to see Tom start to analyse and manipulate the summoner bond from his side….start pushing the boundaries…see what he could do in preparation for either removing it or reversing it
would certainly freak Lenmare & Jehenna out and add some urgency for them to get the book open….
You also really haven’t done anything with the link between tom and his summoner in a while. I get that Tom hasn’t been summoned in a while, and probably won’t considering Damon has been scrying the Abyss, but Tom can certainly still use it.
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