Netter Edits
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Saw this thread and thought it would be ok to post the notes I have all at once like above. If you still want them in seperate threads let me know. I have checked to make sure none of mine are duplicates to other peoples notes, but may have missed some.
(87.2B) “We need to all the expertise we can get…” Take out the ‘to’
(83.8) “He is a threat to use. The anilords were a threat to us…” Threat to us?
(86.6) “It was definitely was embarrassing for the poor incubus…” Remove one of the ‘was’, it seems to work either way.
(92.24) “Every moment I sit here listening to these demons was pure torture” Talarius thought to himself”
Correction to ‘is pure torture’?(94A.4)
“Really hot fire can in theory damage liches them but their intense coldness acts like very good armor…” Either ‘damage them’ or ‘damage liches’ and remove the them.“Peter ignored the lightning laughed, as did Penelope…” and laughed.
(97.0) “Our problem has been that just having experienced priest, pretending…” change to ‘an experienced priest’?
(97.1) “Well it will not be problem for a D’Orc hunting party…” be a problem.
(97.2) “He certainly did not want to go as far as he had with rod of Tommus.” with the rod of Tommus.
(98.5) “An archdemon has free reign over multiple planes and thousands of year…” change to years.
(98.7) “It appeared that numerous branches had started show signs of overzealousness in the pursuit of justice and righteousness.” Either ‘had started to show’ or ‘had started showing’.
(99.0) “Randolf shook his at the very odd title.” Shook his head?
(99.3) “… upon which Exador, Ramses the Damned, and woman with an unknown woman were all having…” to ‘and an unknown woman…’?
(100.3) “Not all of allies have been completely reliable.” Our allies?
(102.3) “I have to get back to open gate for the next hunting party…” Open a gate.
(105.0) “so” Tom ” We want to…” Tom said?
(110.2) “Interesting” Antefalken mused. “There is all way before my time…” ‘This ia all…’
(110.3) “She is in the bottle? So Tamarin is a girl. Why did you keep calling her an it?”
Tizzy had been calling the Djinn ‘hir’ previously, not it, he called the golem an it, but then switched to hir when speaking of the Djinn. Im guessing hir is a between form or ‘her’ and ‘him’, but sounded out sounds like her. So would Tom really be surprised at the Djinn being a girl? Maybe replace the hir with it, so the Djinn isnt referenced to a gender until the link is formed.
(110.4) “He hoped that they were just rusty with their instruments and were not actually try to get such an extreme hard-core industrial sound.” trying
(114.9)
Entropy doesn’t seem to be the right word, as I understand it entropy is actually the cooling and lessening of energy in the universe over time, and is also called the ‘heat death’ of the universe. Tom weakennig them by draining energy (fire), and all the other wording, implies a stirring up and agitation of energy, not its dying off.
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