Beta1 – Bunch of little things

[Iume]

When Tergador destroyed the lich.

[The Author Guy]

[quote=Giwdul;5541]Arch-Diocate Iskerus brought her[/quote]

Killer catch!

[GameGraphix]

Also, noticed that you started to use the word “dragged” instead of “drug” in the last chapters …..but we now have both terms in the book – need to decide on one term to use and find and replace the others

[LCSpartan051]

Also, why to the Lich’s want to know what an Apostle is? They are trying to re-create the Dark Apostle’s work, so they should know what the title means.

[Giwdul]

[Giwdul]

Awesome new additions. Loved it!

Here are a bunch of little things I found. I went through other threads and tried to make sure that I am not double-reporting issues that other people have already brought up.

?) = Something off but not sure how to fix it.
M) = Small modification might be in order
L) = Larger modification might be in order
S) = Spelling error
*)Suggested modification

M)we forced to act in good faith
*)we were forced to act in good faith

M)what has that to do with Nysegard
*)what has that got to do with Nysegard
*2)what does that have to do with Nysegard

M)as that is the closest location to the knight we have
*)as that is the closest location we have to where the knight is being held

M)but it does compete for them in terms of collecting the mana
*)but it does compete with them in terms of collecting the mana

S)launching arrows and cross bolts
*)launching arrows and crossbow bolts

S)You swore the would be cut off!
*)You swore they would be cut off!

M)popping out of brain tumor after
*)popping out of a brain tumor after

M)Makes feel like less of a failure
*)Makes me feel like less of a failure

S)then waiting for word from saviors
*)than waiting for word from saviors

M)Karis drew back in shock, too surprised by the gateway that had been dead for over four thousand years, and thought to be inoperable opened!
*)Karis drew back in shock and surprise as the gateway that had been dead for over four thousand years, and thought to be inoperable opened!

M)wearing flowing robes with arcane symbols
*)wearing flowing robes covered with arcane symbols
*2)wearing flowing robes embroidered with arcane symbols

M)difficult to keep all of insanity straight
*)difficult to keep all of the insanity straight

M)Arch-Diocate Iskerus brought him
*)Arch-Diocate Iskerus brought her

M)fading in, even as he faded out
*)fading in, even as he’d faded out

?)a man in his late-twenties
*)Seems like Talarius would be older than this. Late thirties maybe?

S)given then a show of force
*)given them a show of force

M)We have none.
*)We have nothing.
*2)We have no means to get them out.

M)part a new standard
*)part of a new standard

S)Lester Garflog
*)Lesteroth Garflog

L)The Unlife was using the chaos to maximum effect. Their resources would quickly be exhausted before too long. The Citadel was heavily reliant on heavenly resources.
*)The Unlife was using the chaos to maximum effect. Their main army was quickly moving in, building and fortifying siege emplacements. Their advance units were starting to put pressure on the wall defenders. The defenses of the Citadel, always heavily reliant on heavenly resources, were now woefully under powered.

L)The big problem was that the local avatars could not easily store great amounts of mana, so they would have to work to carefully time worship services and mana expenditures. They would be on a very tight budget in terms of mana usage. Every drop would count, there would be nothing to spare.
*)The first of the main problems was that the local avatars could not easily store great amounts of mana, so they would have to work to carefully time worship services and mana expenditures. They would be on a very tight budget in terms of mana usage. Every drop would count, there would be nothing to spare. The next problem was that the manual processing and distribution of mana would be fully occupying the avatars. They would be, effectively, incapacitated and thus completely unable to aid in the direct defense of the Citadel.

M)I really hope we are going to Nysegard to battle the Storm Lords.
*)I really hope we are going to the Citadel to battle the Storm Lords.
-)Talarius is already in Nysegard when he says this.

M)justice that the same fate befall.
*)justice that the same fate befall them.

M)Makes feel like less of a failure
*)Makes me feel like less of a failure

M)other Orcus and perhaps Sentir Fallon
*)other than Orcus and perhaps Sentir Fallon

M)there must be over well over three thousand demonics
*)there must be well over three thousand demonics

M)commune who where were frantically casting spells
*)commune who were frantically casting spells

M)something I had every seriously considered.
*)something I had ever seriously considered.

M)without using every piece of mana you can get your hands on.
*)without using every shred/drop of mana you can get your hands on.

M)He pointed over to the second tower where their vision could see the Death Cheaters dancing.
*)He pointed over to the second tower where their enhanced vision showed the Death Cheaters dancing.

S)he was exhausted form battling
*)he was exhausted from battling

?)He and Talarius had actually been out longer than most.
*)He and Stainsberry had actually been out longer than most.

M)the central command center tower
*)the central command tower
*2)the central tower housing the command center

M)information we have been working on is suspect.
*)information we have been working with is suspect.
*2)information we have been going on is suspect.

M)Time for his step-brother to pay his share
*)Time for his step-brother to start paying off his debts.

M)That’s sounds like huge circle.
*)That sounds like a huge circle.
*2)That must be one huge circle.

M)with the army is now located is in the Abyss?
*)with the army is now located in the Abyss?
*2)with the army on it is now located in the Abyss?

[Iume]

It should be dragged.

[GameGraphix]

IMO is should be “dragged” – every time I see “drug” in this context it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard [-o<

[The Author Guy]

[quote=Giwdul;5541]Seems like Talarius would be older than this. Late thirties maybe?[/quote]

I agree, completely, and have felt that way since book 2, however, when I introduced him in book 1, I said he appeared to be in his twenties….

(I was in my twenties at that time and made him my age–as long as I can remember I’ve felt old and used that as my definition of old)

It really screws with the Melissance timeline.

Hmm, but maybe he’s just an actor on the CW or Beverly Hills 90210 and looks 10 years younger than he is.

[The Author Guy]

Changed the age thing a bit:

The knight without the cloak, the one with the giant sword on his back, took off his helmet to reveal a man who appeared to be about thirty with a broad grin who quickly moved forward to embrace the arch-diocate. [i]How could a man so young be the greatest Knight Rampant in Astlan, such a reputation would take decades?[/i] Teragdor wondered.

“Iskerus! I would never in a million years have expected to find you in Nysegard!” The knight proclaimed.

[The Author Guy]

[quote=Giwdul;5541]with the army is now located is in the Abyss?[/quote]

How is?

So, then the plain that was here, with the army on it, is now located is in the Abyss?” Diocate Aeris asked.

[The Author Guy]

Massive list, thanks Giwdul!

[The Author Guy]

[quote=GameGraphix;5545]Also, noticed that you started to use the word “dragged” instead of “drug” in the last chapters …..but we now have both terms in the book – need to decide on one term to use and find and replace the others[/quote]

All dragged.

[Iume]

plane, not plain unless we’re grassland.

[Giwdul]

[quote]How is?

So, then the plain that was here, with the army on it, is now located is in the Abyss?” Diocate Aeris asked.[/quote]

M) is now located is in the Abyss?
*) is now located in the Abyss?

In the DoA series ‘plain’ tends to refer to a whole plain of reality not a flat cleared chunk of realestate. Maybe use ‘clearing’ or ‘field’ instead of plain.

[Author]

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