[quote]
He had almost said, when Tom had first taken him hostage before remembering that Stainsberry was there beside him.
[/quote]
Stainsberry was in the command center right? So wouldn’t he have heard Tom admit to being the demon that kidnapped Talarius? Isn’t the secret out?
—
“Yes?” The Leftenant asked. –> leftenant? Not 100% sure on whether The Leftenant is a proper noun or not.
—
[quote]
“What do you want demon?” Hilda demanded. The demon tilted its head, its mouth splitting into a hideous, and deeply terrifying, grin. “Why to be of assistance!”
“To be of assistance?” Jacob shouted in shock.
[/quote]
Why is a member of the Citadel shocked that demons accompanying Orcus Lord of the Light want to provide help? They wouldn’t be shocked by D’Orcs providing help right? I get why they wouldn’t trust summoned demons because they’d be of the Courts of Chaos and thus less trustworthy, but these are troops brought by Orcus and thus members of Doom.
—
“Why to fight by your side, you do understand the stories we shall be able to tell? Heaven and Hell, united to battle the Unlife? This is [color=red]glory[/color]!” The demon laughed. –> glorious
—
[quote]
“Do we have a choice?” Praelgeis hissed back. “If we are to salvage this, we need to break out the Doom Busters. The only way to get them here before we are all ashes is to use the Tomb Gate.”
[/quote]
“Break out” doesn’t fit the liches. Perhaps “ready”, “release”, or something else. The liches give me this old but somewhat formal / no nonsense attitude. Using “break out” just doesn’t fit them.