Beta 1 – Chapter 145
- This topic has 5 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 10 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
[quote]
A Knight Magus of the El Ohîm? Tiernon closed his eyes. So Orcus had involved the Tribunal, [color=red]this was not good he did need their interference.[/color]
[/quote]Awkward phrasing. Not just the missing “did [color=red]not[/color] need”.
Why doesn’t he need their interference? Perhaps why he is frustrated can be worked into the sentence to make it flow smoother? Or just put a period after “So Orcus had involved the Tribunal.” and then rework the rest of the text following that.
—
shook his head, better the threats you knew, [color=red]then[/color] the ones you did not. –> [color=red]than[/color]
—
It was just not in the archon’s nature, or so Beragamos had [color=red]though[/color]. –> [color=red]thought[/color]
[quote=Iume;5537]Why doesn’t he need their interference? Perhaps why he is frustrated can be worked into the sentence to make it flow smoother?Or just put a period after “So Orcus had involved the Tribunal.” and then rework the rest of the text following that.[/quote]
How about:
[i]A Knight Magus of the El Ohîm?[/i] Tiernon closed his eyes, wearily. So Orcus had involved the Tribunal, they had tried so hard to keep them out of all of this.
The Tribunal oversees conflict between pantheons.
The 5S are avoiding them very explicitly over the Nyjyr Ennead incident, and the Eris incident which is an affront to the Olympians, and the whole Orcus thing is also a bit precarious, while Orcus and Doom are not signatories, Orcus is by birth an Olympian. Zeus & Hephaestus could make an issue of it.
Hephaestus is a member of the Olympians, the Nyjyr Enneand and a few other signatories, he could cause real problems.
Tiernon etal have been trying to keep things rather hush hush. In many ways, Phaestus has a lot of keys and if he is meeting with a tribunal agent (note that Stainsberry came from Isle of Doom, where Phaestus is) Tiernon is going to suspect that Hephaestus and Orcus are bringing charges to the Tribunal.
Obviously, they are not, yet, but Tiernon doesn’t know this.
Is it just me or do I have too many characters whose names start with T’s. What’s up with that?
Taergon Thunderhoof
Tal Gor El CrookedStick
Talarius
Talbot
Talgorf
Talinea
Tamarines DarNathos Parfeuesnas Deblentre
Tar Roth Non
Targh Bowelsplitter
Tartevahst
Tartibsizlik
Tathaniel
Te Narthos al Biyam
Tegdolar
Teg-Gala
Teglessa
Temerlain
Tensom
Teodor Trumpev
Teradgor al Tiernon
Teragdor
Teresa
Tereth
Terses
Tessa
Tevin
Thadwall
Thakad Stonemason
Thrinarv Gottslieb
Tibault
Tiberious Smashfinger of Murgatroy
Tibsmith
Tiergen
Timbly
Timeron
Tisdale aka Tizzy
Tom
Tomath
Torthen
Trefalger
Treledor
Trelgon
Trendelforth
Trevin D’Vils
Trevin D’Vils
Treyfoêr
Treylin
Trian
Trig Bioblast
Tris An
Trisfelt
Trolg
Tureledor
Tylr Felbs
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.