Alpha2 – Bunch of little things
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Well tizzy said Rupert was Edwyrd’s son, so no half-demon yet. she doesn’t know about that whole Edwyrd being Tom thing.
Tizzy did say it front of her in Chapter 63 of bk1
[quote]“Demon,” Jenn warned, “don’t try my patience. What can’t you tell?”
“Nothing, forget it. I can’t tell.”
“Tizzy.” This time Maelen was looking the demon straight in the eyes. “If you know something that will affect the boy, you’d better tell us.”
“Can’t. They wouldn’t like me telling you.”
“Who wouldn’t like you telling us?” Gastropé asked.
“Edwyrd and Rupert.” Tizzy hopped in a circle around them.
“Are you telling me you know what’s so similar about their auras?” Maelen demanded. Tizzy just smiled and nodded.
“Then tell us!” Jenn shouted.
“Nope. Shouldn’t have said anything. Sorry, forget it.” The demon kept prancing.
“Demon,” Gastropé said in his most persuasive voice. “If you want us to keep liking you, you’ll tell us.”
That stopped Tizzy in his tracks. He looked quizzically at Gastropé. “You telling me you like me?”
“Yes he is, Tizzy,” Maelen said, picking up on Gastropé’s idea. “We do. You’re really one of the nicest demons we’ve ever met. You’re good company, fun to be with.”
“Really?” Tizzy asked, trying to decide if they were teasing him.
“Certainly.” Gastropé said. “Further, if it hadn’t been for you flying all the way here, we’d have never escaped from the Rod. You’ve really helped us. So why wouldn’t we like you?”
Jenn was staring back and forth between the two men as if she thought they’d both completely gone off a mental cliff together.
Tizzy smiled and looked down at the ground. “Well, that is true. I didn’t have to do that.”
“No, you didn’t, and we really appreciate your doing so,” Maelen said.
“Would you say you’re my friends?” Tizzy asked.
“We’d like to be,” Gastropé said carefully, “but friends don’t keep important secrets from each other. Especially if not telling those secrets could hurt other friends.”
Tizzy shrugged slightly. “I’ve never had no friends except Boggy and Tom, and Antefalken—oh and Rupert, of course.”
“We’d like to think of you as our friends,” Maelen said very seriously.
“Well,” Tizzy admitted, “I suppose I could tell you the big thing.”
“Please Tizzy, it’s very important,” Gastropé said.
“Well, okay then!” Tizzy said brightly, “but if you’re my friends and I do this for you, you’ve got to promise to help me someday if I need it!”
“Certainly,” Gastropé assured the demon. “You have my word on it.”
“Mine too,” Maelen said. Tizzy looked at Jenn, twisting his head to see what her answer would be. Maelen nudged her in the back.
“Ugghhh. You people. If that’s how it’s got to be… then you have mine as well, demon,” she finally said.
“Good!” Tizzy shouted, dancing again. “Edwyrd…” Tizzy drawled.
“Yes?” Gastropé urged.
[color=blue]“Is Rupert’s father!” Tizzy announced loudly.[/color]
“What!” Jenn screeched. “All that nonsense for this garbage! How do you expect us to believe that! Edwyrd is Rupert’s cousin. There is no way Edwyrd could be old enough to be Rupert’s father. You’re crazy, demon!”[/quote]I stand corrected. I remember the scene well, just not the ending/last line. I focus in my mind on getting them to admit friendship
I was reading more into it than you said. When you said Tizzy told them Rupert was Edwyrd’s son…in my head I replaced Edwyrd with “Tom”
Yes, you are right. However, she didn’t believe it because of the age difference, and because Rupert had said they were cousins. Again “demons lie; it’s what they do”
However, it is something that I can use to help her put the pieces together. Thanks!
[quote][quote]?)While Edwyrd was surprisingly skilled, he did have Rupert’s trust, but like Gastropé he was young and inexperienced.
*)Seems off
[/quote]
Yes, I can feel it. She is suprised at how skilled he is given his age.
[/quote]
[quote]She was not sure who she was more upset with, Gastropé, Edwyrd, Damien or herself for being blind to these shenanigans. While Edwyrd was surprisingly skilled, he did have Rupert’s trust, but like Gastropé he was young and inexperienced. Damien, a Councilor of Wizardry should have had more common sense than to continue any sort of cooperation with the demon Tom.[/quote]Here is a rewrite of the paragraph. Hope you like it.
She was not sure who she was more upset with, Gastropé, Edwyrd, Damien or herself for being blind to these shenanigans. Probably Edward. While Edward was surprisingly skilled, he was, like Gastrope, still young and inexperienced. Taking a little kid like Rupert plane hoping with what now turned out to be a demon prince was stupidity on a scale that she could hardly even comprehend. And as for Damien, a Councilor of Wizardry should have had more common sense than to continue any sort of cooperation with the demon Tom
[quote]”Really good magineering, I’d suspect.” Thrinarv said bringing his mug up for a drink. After drinking, he lowered and tilted the mug, eyeballing the inside skeptically, “should have ordered sooner, getting pretty dry in here.” [/quote]
[quote]She was not sure who she was more upset with, Gastropé, Edwyrd, Damien or herself for being blind to these shenanigans. Probably Edward: while surprisingly skilled, he was, like Gastrope, still young and inexperienced. Taking a little kid like Rupert plane hoping with what now turned out to be a demon prince was stupidity on a scale that she could barely even comprehend. And as for Damien, a Councilor of Wizardry should have had more common sense than to continue any sort of cooperation with the demon Tom.[/quote]
Looks good to me.
With a quick smile and a wink at the camera, Tom stated confidently: “I don’t often drink liquefied gas, but when I do, I drink CO^2. Carbon Dioxide, it’s the drink of the working gods and demon princes both on the Outer AND the Lower planes.”
I like that. I think I will just say on a space station because I can guarantee you someone will see ISS and rather than recognize it as the International Space Station, they will think I left out an I in the name of certain group running around Iraq…
Who by the way is sitting there at the table, as you know. Astet. However, I don’t think she’d appreciate people calling them by her name.
I have to say, I’m very excited to see her in Midgard, I am dying to have her say: “O zephyr winds which blow on high! Lift me now so I can fly.”
And other seriously cheesy commands:
[YOUTUBE]https://youtu.be/jtTnCrQ_1lc[/YOUTUBE]
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
?) = Something off but not sure how to fix it.
M) = Small modification might be in order
S) = Spelling error
*)Suggested modification?)bulky metal container with a sealed straw on with a trigger to open once in ones mouth, within his hand
*)Seems off
[/quote]
Yes, do you know what I am saying? describing? It’s a vaccuum mug with a straw that has a flap that release with a trigger button on the handle.
Looking for suggestions–although may by explanation here is what I should use?
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
M)How would have gotten Tizzy’s true name
*)How would he have gotten Tizzy’s true name
[/quote]Fixed
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
M)It was like had finally grokked the whole demon business
*)It was like he had finally grokked the whole demon business
[/quote]
Thx[quote=Giwdul;4590]
M)“Elrose means forces, being from outside the natural world
*)“Elrose means forces, beings, from outside the natural worldb(meaning: supernatural Forces and Beings)
[/quote]sort of went with this:
Elrose means forces, as in beings and influences from outside the natural world, the Planes of Men.
Does that work OK?
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
M)Elrose said, still seeming a bit shook
*)Elrose said, still seeming a bit shaken
[/quote][quote=Giwdul;4590]
M)You’ve were talking to the D’Orcs since Murgatroy?
*)You’ve been talking to the D’Orcs since Murgatroy?
[/quote]Fixed and got rid of contraction as well.
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
M)She waved her hands over her head again in bewilderment
*)She threw her hands up again in bewilderment
[/quote]
Done[quote=Giwdul;4590]
M)Gastropé gulped, realizing he was in a very precarious state.
*)Gastropé gulped, realizing he was in a very precarious position/situation/spot.
[/quote]Gastropé gulped, realizing he was walking a dangerous line between truth and lies.
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
M)Jenn asked Gastropé in what he felt a slightly threatening manner
*)Jenn asked Gastropé in what he felt was a slightly threatening manner
[/quote]Fixed
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
M)Didar An Sep also noted
*)Didar An Sep also nodded
[/quote]Fixed
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
?)“Imagine my surprise to find that my dear old friend Thrinarv Gottslieb, high priest of Hephaestus?”
*)surprised by what exactly?
[/quote][quote=Giwdul;4590]
))Our order is faithful to and respects all the Gods of Light
*)My order is faithful to and respects all the Gods of Light
[/quote]Fixed.
“Imagine my surprise to find that my dear old friend Thrinarv Gottslieb, high priest of Hephaestus was in town?”
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
S)the were not common
*)they were not common
[/quote]Fixed
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
S)Thrinarv said talking another drink
*)Thrinarv said taking another drink
[/quote]
Fixed[quote=Giwdul;4590]
M)Should have ordered sooner, getting pretty dry in here.
*)Should have ordered sooner, getting pretty dry over here.
[/quote]
“Really good magineering, I’d suspect.” Thrinarv said taking another drink of his ale. “Should have ordered sooner, getting pretty dry in here.” He eyeballed the bottom of his mug skeptically.He means his mug is getting dry inside. The here is the bottom of the mug he is eyeballing.
Suggestions to rephrase more clearly?
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
M)trying to explain her relationship towards Lenamare’s demon was something she could not explain to herself, let alone a group of strange orcs and D’Orcs.
*)her relationship towards Lanamare’s demon was something she could not explain to herself, let alone a group of strange orcs and D’Orcs.
[/quote]Fixed
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
?)While Edwyrd was surprisingly skilled, he did have Rupert’s trust, but like Gastropé he was young and inexperienced.
*)Seems off
[/quote]Yes, I can feel it. She is suprised at how skilled he is given his age.
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
S)after the finished their supper.
*)after they finished their supper.
[/quote]Fixed
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
M)that the alvar remove all of their forces from their territory is more than reasonable
*)that the alvar remove all of their forces from orc territory is more than reasonable
[/quote]Fixed
[quote=Giwdul;4590]
?)we learned from local alvar and very specifically the aetós.
*)Sounds like the aetós are an alvaran sub-species.
[/quote]
“Prince Ariel and the nobility did not tell us about the other groups, that is something we learned the aetós, and a few local alvar.” Trevin said.Thanks! Suggestions on the one’s I don’t know what to do are more than welcome!
Whole sentence is awkward; here is another try.
Tom shook his head looking at the bulky high tech sealed thermos mug with a flip open straw triggered by a button on the handle, in his right hand. He ran his tongue around his tingling mouth. “That is a truly unique taste!” He marveled looking up at his hosts.
Great idea!
I started thinking along these lines while describing it. I was thinking in Astlanian terms, but since it’s Tom he can use modern terms. Thermos is better yet!
Thanks
[quote]Yes, do you know what I am saying? describing? It’s a vaccuum mug with a straw that has a flap that release with a trigger button on the handle.
Looking for suggestions–although may by explanation here is what I should use?[/quote]Maybe describe it as something like Tom has seen before like a Thermos with a straw – like this
[img=http://www.thermos.com/imgs/product_imgs/BS535BL_Enlargement.png]Image 1[/img]
[img=http://www.thermos.com/imgs/insets/BS5354TS3_10oz%20SS_StrawSippy_Charcoal_Inset_Cropped.jpg]Image 2[/img]
[quote]Blue Foogo® Vacuum Insulated Straw Bottle
Phases™ drinkware features interchangeable parts that fit all Phases cups
Phase 3 for children ages 18m+
Thermos™ double wall vacuum insulation for maximum cold temperature retention
[color=blue]Hygienic push button lid with pop-up silicone straw is easy to open[/color]
Kid-proof design – durable stainless steel interior and exterior
Contoured body is easy to grip
Sweat-proof won’t leave water rings
Dishwasher safe[/quote]and then have him ask how they prevent the liquid CO2 from escaping…Phaetus could then explain how he “borrowed” the idea from a High Tech earth where they make 1 way value straws for children’s cups to prevent spills
[quote=The Author Guy;4602]I need to come back to digest all of this–to many other fires today to do it justice.
however–Jenn should not have been in any group where Tizzy said Rupert was Tom’s son.
That would have given Jenn the idea that Rupert was a half demon. That would be a bad thing for much of my logic, in book 1,2,3 ack ack ack
[/quote]
Wasn’t that book one when they conned Tizzy in to telling them why Edwyrd and Rupert were magically similar – he said Rupert was EDWYRD’s son NOT Tom’s
Yes, it was. And that’s what was said here, but in my mind I read Edwyrd and thought Tom.
See, even I can’t tell them apart at this point….
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