Alpha Reporting – Chapter 126
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I know you are addressing Talarius’s venture to Nysegard when he first discovers the portal, but you also have this line:
however, Tom was not going to risk the knight returning to the Planes of Man and contacting Tiernon.
If Tom wasn’t going to risk then presumably he’d do SOMETHING thus requiring Talarius to sneak. Of course Tom would be a bit worried when he finds Talarius on Nysegard, but I presume he would accept it as a done deal, too late fix, worry when something comes of it. Might want to throw something regarding this into a later chapter.
The first 2 scenes of Chapter 126…
Isle of Doom (Nysegard): DOA + 5, Late Third Period
Mount Doom: DOA + 5, Earlier Third Period (Shortly before previous scene)
Story line seems a bit disjointed…..I think it would read better to either switch the order of the scenes or to stop the Isle of Doom (Nysegard): DOA + 5, Late Third Period scene as the volcano explodes…and tack the rest of the scene to the end of the Mount Doom: DOA + 5, Earlier Third Period (Shortly before previous scene)
Hope this makes sense…..
[quote=Iume;4261]This is awkward sounding because how you twice used D’Wargs in the sentence reads as a bad case of redundancy.
“D’Wargs!” Valg’s mother shouted seeing that along with the D’Orcs came a huge outpouring of D’Wargs![/quote]
Is this any better? Bordering on Oorstemothian….
“D’Wargs!” Valg’s mother shouted upon seeing a huge outpouring of winged wargs in addition to the horde of D’Orcs. There were no D’Wargs currently in Nysegard, so for most, they were creatures of legend.
Yep.
Chapter 126 – Mount Doom: DOA + 5, Earlier Third Period (Shortly before previous scene)
“Tom had purposefully chosen to keep Talarius in the dark about Nysegard. He was sure the knight would want to go along, and could probably be quite useful; however, Tom was not going to risk the knight returning to the Planes of Man and contacting Tiernon. One mission at a time was his current motto.”
“D’Wargs!” Valg’s mother shouted upon seeing a huge outpouring of giant winged wargs in addition to the horde of D’Orcs. There were none of the legendary creatures in Nysegard; yet all knew of their legendary prowess and loyalty.
Agreed, I noted the same thing for that scene.
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Also, what happened to the RockSmashers of Nysegard from book 2? No mention in book 3.
Hmm….not sure about the rocksmashers, they may just not be mentioned.
Investigating the order. Am currently reviewing all issues, will “thank” people when it is dealt with so we know it is done.
This is awkward sounding because how you twice used D’Wargs in the sentence reads as a bad case of redundancy.
“D’Wargs!” Valg’s mother shouted seeing that along with the D’Orcs came a huge outpouring of D’Wargs!
According to his commanders, Nysegard had been greatly favored by D’Orcs. This was due to the fact that the situation in Nysegard, for a very long time, had been very clear cut. There had been no questions of politics, diplomacy, negotiating, no chance of peace short of outright victory; in Nysegard it was a pure battle for survival. There were no wishy washy labels of good or evil, no FOG or FOE; there was only Life and Unlife.
This seems like Tom’s interpretation of what the D’Orcs told him about fighting on Nysegard, but did they really “worry” about things like politics, diplomacy, and peace when NOT on Nysegard? It implies they did.
Also, wishy-washy not wishy washy.
What is the latest estimate? Friday? I figure you are still working the final 20% while incorporating the changes.
Yes….it was you!
It is your fault!!!!
Because of this the book will not come out until July 2017!!!!!
:d/
Just joking. Obviously. July 2017 is when I am supposed to get CoA:ITW out the door…
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