Alpha 3 – The Rede Scenes
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Well that’s more sense but what I meant was having Vladimir and Company going “against orders” to find a snack.
Because vampires are known to want posts of tasty fresh food the go ahead of the normal recon party’s to capture a fleeing refuge or eat a soldier. You could then, instead of having Rede thinking about being forced to kill his meals, actually told to.
Well, you are assuming that the wizard Tisdale and the demon Tisdale are the same person.
But remember, Tizzy insists that he cannot shape change. I don’t know if you’ve looked at his picture, but he really can’t pass for human.
Which is why, he was wearing a giant black robe and hoodie in the dark alley when he sold Reggie the demon weed.
Although, if Tizzy is a wizard, maybe he can’t shape change as a demon, but maybe he can cast illusions and on a magic world pretend to be a human, but on earth there is no magic???????????
So, the Rede scenes manage to bulk up a lot of the chapter and don’t really add to the tension. What I’m seeing in the tension is the Citadel and their setbacks as well as any growing worries. So stuff in-between should be shortened and made into exposition.
Example – I’m not the best of writers 🙂
Grob glanced up from the plans for the Citadel’s defense. The *insert thoughts and worries about the size of the army and their strange movements*. “What is it?” he growled to the aide.
“Sir! Saint Hilda has returned from her patrol with prisoners in tow. 5 former Unlife, now cleansed, and 1 dhampyr.”
“She cleansed the unlife?” Grob’s orcan impassivity slipped for a bit at his aides re-affirmation. After centuries of neglect by Tiernon’s avatars *insert more musing followed up by a rework of the dialogue where he laughs and says “Maybe I need a new saint”*Then later have the interrogation scene as normal, but remove the POV of his father when he asks if they have someone on the inside. Instead let Rede have it slip about the mole and put the Citadel into lockdown as they worryingly search but get nothing. Unless you expect them to be able to find someone before his dad shows up. I figure it could be someone in the refugees who is capable of slipping in when the plot calls for it.
This skips all of Hilda’s fight, remove Rede self-introspection, and father POV. It is good writing, but it slows things down. This speeds this up because in two shorts scenes back-to-back you get the following escalations in rapid order: #1 – Fighting has begun, #2 – Prisoners with intel, #3 – Big bad father, #4 – Security risk, #5 – Worry over what the Unlife forces are planning.
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Alternatively since I don’t think we’ve had a Grob POV before use someone else that is an established POV and is in a position to overhear or work w/ Grob that isn’t Hilda.
Edit: Basically, to improve pacing and maintain tension this is where telling would be better than showing.
Hmm, good points.
Let’s wait until after Beta1 to fully address this pacing issue in regards to Rede.
I was actually hoping for the reverse, that Hilda “In action” would speed things up. Instead it seems to be tripping up.
I wonder if moving this stuff forward would help? I.e. get it out of the way sooner?
Maybe for speeding it up you could make them part of the “advance party” that went against orders to only do recon but Vladimir or who ever the leader was to “want a snack.”
Making sure I follow:
We could move the recon party up a day, because they were doing “advanced recon” ahead of other recon groups due to Vlad coming down with the munchies.
That would make sense.
I’d love to spend some time in Vlad’s mind at this point, in the cell, but there just isn’t space to do that.
Immortal centuries old vampire, aide to the most powerful vampire on the planet? And now he’s back to step one?
BTW This ain’t Angel or Buffy. If you get re-turned as a vampire, and then turned again? You start over at the bottom (in terms of power); you probably have a heads up in terms of memory, skill (obviously) but those abilities you’ve gained over time are lost.
Ah I get that. but not sure that doesn’t work to trip things up even more in terms of building tension at the Citadel.
I think one complaint was that it was too distracting from the main citadel plot as is.
That’s a big part of what I was going for. Previously we’ve always seen both sides of the story.
Storm Lords are the one group we haven’t seen the other side of, they’ve been “generic evil bad guys”
So one of my goals is to make them real too, and actually have individual motivations.
Sort of like Finn in SWVII, take the storm trooper helmet off.
The problem with a Tizzy input is that no one at Mount Doom knows about the Dark Apostle, or not much, nor the Mind Reaver stuff that the wizard tizzdale was doing.
I actually liked the Rede/Father scenes. Up until now the storm lords very much felt like a faceless enemy. Didn’t really connect with them. I think these scenes enhanced the plot given that we are heading to a big conflict with them. Also shouldn’t Tizzy have had some input at the meeting given that the ‘Wizard Tizzdale’ defeated the dark apostle.
[quote=The Author Guy;4918]The problem with a Tizzy input is that no one at Mount Doom knows about the Dark Apostle, or not much, nor the Mind Reaver stuff that the wizard tizzdale was doing.
[/quote]
Hmm. Surely if Tizzy killed the dark apostle then he knows about the inter-planar ward thing and would really understand the danger and try to impart some information to the council – even of its a roundabout way not revealing his involvement. Which raises the question of when Tizzy is to be revealed????? Can’t wait for beta so can read from start to end x
Or he just incarnated like Antefalken did. Of course he’d be missing from the Abyss for a hundred years or so, but that is an option. It could also be a Tisdale Jr.
Ahh….very good….
=d>
Since you came up with that idea and the thought of Tizzy disappearing.
[SPOILER]
Book 1: Chapter 73 Antefalken and Lilith talking“The kid looks identical to his ‘father.’ Tom, that’s the newbie’s name, is rather inexact on the whole issue, but Tizzy reports that they’re father and son. Boggy claims, however, that this Tom is a kid from one of the midtech Earths.”
[color=red]“Puzzling.” Lilith said, interested but obviously not too intrigued. “Well, you know better than to trust anything this Tizzy says. He’s one of the most deceitful little pests I can think of. I still don’t know why his accursed master only kept him imprisoned for a few decades in the Cenobite trap. I’d have left him there for all eternity.”[/color]
“That’s a rather cruel fate, even by your standards,” Antefalken pointed out.
Lilith just shrugged. She took another sip of brandy and continued, “So, what do you and your illustrious master Damien intend to do about this horde of demons and the Rod of Tiernon?”[/SPOILER]
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