Alpha 3: Final Alpha Released
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[quote=Flakes;4785]Not sure I like the Orcus is Tiernon were step brothers reveal, it seems either rushed or forced. You might want to not make the reveal but provide some sort of hint so that the reader figures it out on their own, then introduce it next book.[/quote]
So are you saying move the whole mirror section to later? Or is it simply spelling it out that’s the problem?
I also need, at some point, to explain why Phaestus sides with Tom, even though he is Nyjyr Ennead with a grudge against Tiernon.
Although that could probably wait as well.
As for why Phestus sides with Tom, why not just have him say “I knew your parents. And I can’t stand your brother.” and leave it at that. Have him refuse to explain. It hints at something mysterious, obviously not the New Jersey parents. But leave out the mirror scene or move it to book 4. Right now it is way too soon.
I can see why you and others would think that.
I think I did not see it as such a big deal because people had discussed it in the Alpha forums already. And that had me assuming it was much more obvious than it was/is. And that’s is a dangerous assumption since no one but us has access to the forums.
The reason it had been discussed here is due to the fact that someone looked up Eris (Hephaestus’ sister) on wikipedia (after Tom finds out who they locked up for Tiernon) and discovered that (as I knew) Eris was the mother of Orcus.
Therefore, if Eris was Tiernon’s step mother, Orcus and Tiernon were step brothers.
I’d been trying to do some other foreshadowing of this with Tiernon and Torean’s discussions, and the “Olympian Tragedy” that Sentir Fallon had wrought.
Basically you need an Olympian family tree, if you have one, the surprise comes far earlier when I reveal Tiernon’s stepmother.
So I need to soften this up, move it around somehow, or foreshadow more strong. I can also just delete it.
I do agree that poor Talarius is getting a kick in the groin by this point. He’s on his knees, I could see him just falling over face forward.
This would argue, at a minimum, that the scene get shifted back to keep him from just doing himself in (except that’s a sin)
[quote=The Author Guy;4790]Going over all of these in a first pass.
One thing about having it now with Talarius is to see his world view destroyed/broken even more. Suddenly his god up in heaven is the step brother of this Edwyrd guy who’s just a normal “Joe”It should be extremely demoralizing to him, I would expect.
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It might have more impact if Talarius recognized Tiernon in the the image first, he might even be able to identify the other 5 siblings in the image – he would surely know what his god looked like – he would have seen status etc of Tiernon at the very least…
What form is Orcus in, in the image (too early in the morning to remember) – is he in his Demon form or human form?? If it is human, it might have more impact on the later scene when Edwyrd is giving his new robes a test drive and is talking to Talarius……
Also, can’t remember if Talarius has even been in the same room (since coming to the Abyss) as Tom when he has been in his Edwyrd form…..again, this might have an impact on the scene with the memory mirror and the the New Robe Test Drive scene
Actually, I have vague memories of Talarius finding out the Tom was Edwyrd in bk2….sometime around the whole oathtaking of the D’Orcs in Mt Doom.
Another early morning thought…
In what I’m now calling the “Emperor’s new Robe” scene (aka Chapter 143: Isle of Doom, Krallnomton: Early Third Period)
[quote]”And that is where I recognize you from. You are not that different from the form you took at the end of our battle.” Talarius said.[/quote]
This conflicts with the description of the human form that Tom used at the end of the bk1 fight…
[quote]Tom was moved, a little. He relaxed and allowed himself to shift to human form. He didn’t shift to Edwyrd—he wasn’t that stupid—rather, he shifted to a young man a few years older than himself. Someone who looked vaguely like his friend Paul, but a bit more fit and a bit older.[/quote]
Tom purposely went with a human form unlike his normal appearance – he went with one modeled on a friend – I don’t think there was a description of what Paul looked like in bk1 – but I doubt he actually looked like Tom.
Good catch on that one. Will correct.
But back to your prior point. That scene was the first time he’d seen Edwyrd, I believe. He was not around when Tom was returning people to Astlan.
As far as him recognizing Tiernon, that would probably have to be told from Talarius point of view. Going through the door might be a place the POV
Let’s move this discussion to “the wedding party” which is now its own topic. We are talking over there about catatonic Talarius and where is his rage, and what needs to be done to make his soul searching cleaer.
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