Alpha 1 – Spelling, gramma and other issues….as I find them
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[b][size=6]Chapter 124[/size]
Section: The Inferno[/b]
[color=blue]The remainder of the fleet was not chartered and used to patrol and protect the Holy Etonian Empire’s interests at sea.[/color] – this should be “The remainder of the fleet [b]that[/b] was not chartered[b], was[/b] used to patrol…”New:
[quote]“Fortunately, that is not something we have to deal with.” Gaius smiled allowing his obsidian-like chainmail to fade from sight; leaving him clad only in a tunic and pants.
“Indeed.” Gadius agreed allowing his own pearlescent chainmail to similarly vanish. Officially, their armor and principle weapons were kept in Bags of Safekeeping; unofficially, they had other means of storing their principle armament.
“I am not sure what we are going to say if it turns out, as Sera suggests and Bags of Safekeeping do not work in the Abyss.” Gaius said.
[/quote][quote=GameGraphix;4491][b][size=6]Chapter 124[/size]
Section: Courts of Chaos, Exador’s Penthouse[/b]
[color=blue]”They are currently preparing a cleanup exercise against [b]one the[/b] larger…”[/color] – missing “of” – “against one of the larger”[/quote]There was a bit more in this section than just that, also needed to work on some consistency with later
[b][size=6]Chapter 117[/size]
Section: Murgatroy[/b]
[color=blue]Beragamos shrugged, “I don’t [b]beleive[/b] so….[/color]” – spelling / typo mistake – should be “believe”[b][size=6]Chapter 120[/size]
Section: Nysegard Storm Lord Aerie: DOA + 2, Astlan Fourth Period, Sixth Period Local[/b]
[color=blue]The Storm Lords were able to repidly close on the cloud ship and get [b]of[/b] a number….. [/color]- spelling / typo mistake – should be “off”[b][size=6]Chapter 121[/size]
Section: Mount Doom[/b]
[color=blue]”We are at the bottom of an infinitely deep pit.” Tizzy [b]sated[/b]. [/color]- spelling / typo mistake – should be “stated”[color=blue]Tom felt a tingle from his rod alerting him to the activation….[/color] – you might want to think about rewording this sentence – I started laughing when I read this, I thought I slipped into reading a badly written porn novel
[quote=Iume;4484]I’m just going to link back to this post of Alpha0’s general spelling errors since several were not fixed for Alpha1.
http://www.astlan.net/Default.aspx?tabid=388&g=posts&t=239%5B/quote%5D
Thanks, completely missed most of that…
Ahh,
I think I really get the problem. I think my use of iridescent in book 2 was wrong. In bright sunlight it appears iridescent because it’s very white/luminous and refractive.
In the Inferno, it’s not so iridescent, need a better word/description.
Same basically true for the blackish armor.
[quote=GameGraphix;4490]Small thing – description of Gaius & Gadius armor in Chapter 124
In this chapter you describe the armor as:
Gauis – black ivory chainmail
Gadius – ivory chainmail
This is different from the descriptions in bk2.
Gadius = iridescent chain mail
[quote]Sir Gadius and Peace Bringer solidified on the shore of the small island along the coast of Norelon, en route to Keeper’s City. Gadius pulled his helmet off, placing it under one arm as he moved to a large rock to rest. His iridescent chain mail rattled under his surcoat as he sat. Peace Bringer wandered over to a patch of tasty-looking grass and began munching.[/quote]
Gaius – obsidian chain mail & black leather
[quote]“However do they keep these smoothly paved streets so clean?” Gaius asked Gadius, gesturing at the boulevard of clean white stone pavement, curbs and planters. His obsidian chain mail and black leather gauntlets made a sharp contrast to the white stone as his arm swept out.[/quote]
[quote]Two knights of near identical height and weight, one with alabaster skin and fair hair dressed in shimmering white mail and a white tabard trimmed in silver, the other with a deep midnight complexion and tightly cut, military style black curly hair, dressed in obsidian black chain mail with a black tabard trimmed in gold. Both tabards were emblazoned with the Rod’s symbol, as were their great cloaks.[/quote][/quote]
To confirm, I got the colors right, it was the ivory/obsidian difference yes?
The thing is, they reverse colors in unicorn form. The chainmail is actually unicorn horn (their own–it’s part of themselves)
So it comes down to what unicorn horn is made of/looks like, which is actually none of those things but…
So the black knight is a white unicorn and the white knight is a black unicorn. FYI. So Gaius is a white knight on a white unicorn and Gadius is a black knight on a black unicorn.
You know somewhere I wrote up the mating habits of unicorns, which is pretty weird. Have I posted that anywhere I wonder? Just remembering this. Wondering where it is?
[color=blue]Tom felt a tingle from his rod alerting him to the activation….[/color] – you might want to think about rewording this sentence – I started laughing when I read this, I thought I slipped into reading a badly written porn novel[/quote]
#-o
Yeah, I searched, found, read, thought the exact same thing, and then read your suggestion fully. Yep!
Going with “Tom felt a vibration from his rod alerting him to the activation..”
is that better or should I rework some more?
[b][size=6]Chapter 124[/size]
Section: Courts of Chaos, Exador’s Penthouse[/b]
[color=blue]”They are currently preparing a cleanup exercise against [b]one the[/b] larger…”[/color] – missing “of” – “against one of the larger”Small thing – description of Gaius & Gadius armor in Chapter 124
In this chapter you describe the armor as:
Gauis – black ivory chainmail
Gadius – ivory chainmail
This is different from the descriptions in bk2.
Gadius = iridescent chain mail
[quote]Sir Gadius and Peace Bringer solidified on the shore of the small island along the coast of Norelon, en route to Keeper’s City. Gadius pulled his helmet off, placing it under one arm as he moved to a large rock to rest. His iridescent chain mail rattled under his surcoat as he sat. Peace Bringer wandered over to a patch of tasty-looking grass and began munching.[/quote]
Gaius – obsidian chain mail & black leather
[quote]“However do they keep these smoothly paved streets so clean?” Gaius asked Gadius, gesturing at the boulevard of clean white stone pavement, curbs and planters. His obsidian chain mail and black leather gauntlets made a sharp contrast to the white stone as his arm swept out.[/quote]
[quote]Two knights of near identical height and weight, one with alabaster skin and fair hair dressed in shimmering white mail and a white tabard trimmed in silver, the other with a deep midnight complexion and tightly cut, military style black curly hair, dressed in obsidian black chain mail with a black tabard trimmed in gold. Both tabards were emblazoned with the Rod’s symbol, as were their great cloaks.[/quote]
[quote=The Author Guy;4488]QR: Thanks, hope this QR won’t count as a reply and make it disappear…[/quote]
Nope, it did. Never done a QR before.
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