Alpha 1 – Chapter 139
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This part doesn’t feel right for Sentir Fallon: “An archdemon named Exador.” Sentir Fallon said. “The same archdemon involved in this whole Astlan— Lord Tommus thing?” Lilith asked in surprise. “The same.” Sentir Fallon nodded. “He was the also the Arch-Vicar General of the Rod when the Dark Apostle was consumed by the C.O.D. battling the wizard Tisdale.” Lilith shook her head. “What an amazingly small multiverse!” “I’m sorry, but did I just hear you say that you had an archdemon in charge of Tiernon’s military forces in Astlan?” Aodh asked with visible surprise. “It was a mutually beneficial.
It’s like people are tied too closely together rather than having coincidence. It feels fake and forced just make Sentir appear more sinister.
Before this scene Sentir came across as someone who was foolish but wanted to serve Tiernon. With this scene it makes me think that he wants to undermine Tiernon.
Basically before now I viewed Sentir’s deal w/ the devil as one born of desperation. What I have been imaging since book2 is that he was ordered to stop Orcus but decided that it was too hard because of Mount Doom and the treaty. He might be able to sneak, but he’d need a war party to cut him. Even then banishing him from Etterdam wouldn’t be enough, so he needed to remove Orcus for good.
Thus he comes up with a plan. He is against Orcus so naturally he has reached out to a possible ally – Aodh who is leading the forces against Orcus. But he needs someone inside the Abyss. He is reluctant but chooses Lilith. Better the devil you can deal with / know / predict than the chessmaster Orcus.
Thus far he has skirted the rules set by Tiernon but not crossed them.
Eventually he realizes that only Unlife / antimus can get stop Orcus but such a thing is an abomination, that such a thing cannot be crafted by him, and so he wrestles with the idea but his desire to end Orcus pushes him into making a deal and taking that first step to damnation. He contacts the Storm Lords and in exchange for reducing Tiernon’s forces on Nysegard and removing Orcus they’ll craft him an antimus weapon.
He uses it and the rest is history.
HOWEVER, at no point since then have we seen him be so zealous as a make a deal with a demon and help it impersonate a priest of Tiernon let alone use it to attack other GODS. Orcus was a demon, a powerful demon. But when did Sentir fall so far to so easily defy Tiernon.
It just doesn’t fit and feels very out of character. Not to mention that he’d have to arranged for Exador to take control somehow and I’d be very surprised if Exador didn’t know this. Yet we’ve nothing else except this scene tying Exador and Sentir together.
It would seem better to have less of a connection / more degrees of separation and more of an unfortunate coincidence. Otherwise this feels very skewed.
Edit: Next thing you know we’ll be seeing Tom’s [b]father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate[/b] as a reincarnated priest of Tiernon with the inside scoop and perfectly willing to help him enter Tierhallon after a short convincing argument about it being for the better good.
Yes, this reveal about Sentir and Exador feels a lot like that.
Hmm,
Will review it and smooth it out. I may be trying to force things too fast.
The big key is that there are things that are actually tied.
The corruption of the Church(es) that Tiernon and Torean are worried about. I.e. the ethical question-ability of how the Rod behaved fighting Tom. They cheated, they laos used a negative energy weapon.
The slaughter of the Nyjyr Ennead followers: That is completely against the rules for Tiernon and Torean, there was no justice. The Rod was corrupted (by Exador and the Dark Apostle–although how Bess doesn’t know this is an interesting question–if she did Exador would be dead already)
It also ties out to the political corruption of Church Officials under the Anilords, recall (maybe-I think it’s here and not in CoA) that they succumbed to the anilords and basically allowed Etonia Eternia to become subject to the anilords.
And most of this is coming from Sutekh, [SPOILER]God of Chaos a.k.a. Set who is the one ultimately responsible for the destruction of the Nyjyr Ennead and the the “fall from grace” of the Churches of Tiernon and Torean.[/SPOILER]
[SPOILER]Sutekh is also a god of the Storm Lords btw.[/SPOILER]
Now on top of this, you have Aodh who is out to get Orcus as much as Lilith; albeit for different reasons. [SPOILER]Aodh is afraid of ending up in Tartarus, or more precisely Orcus using his Doomlagues to project his power onto the Outer Planes and “arrest” all of the gods and lock them up.[/SPOILER]
There is some real question, I admit, as to how culpable Sentir really is. Is he hapless pawn in over his head or what?
Let me think on this and someway to rework this scene.
[quote=The Author Guy;4451]Hmm,
Will review it and smooth it out. I may be trying to force things too fast.
The big key is that there are things that are actually tied.
The corruption of the Church(es) that Tiernon and Torean are worried about. I.e. the ethical question-ability of how the Rod behaved fighting Tom. They cheated, they laos used a negative energy weapon.
The slaughter of the Nyjyr Ennead followers: That is completely against the rules for Tiernon and Torean, there was no justice. The Rod was corrupted (by Exador and the Dark Apostle–although how Bess doesn’t know this is an interesting question–if she did Exador would be dead already)
It also ties out to the political corruption of Church Officials under the Anilords, recall (maybe-I think it’s here and not in CoA) that they succumbed to the anilords and basically allowed Etonia Eternia to become subject to the anilords.
And most of this is coming from Sutekh, [SPOILER]God of Chaos a.k.a. Set who is the one ultimately responsible for the destruction of the Nyjyr Ennead and the the “fall from grace” of the Churches of Tiernon and Torean.[/SPOILER]
[SPOILER]Sutekh is also a god of the Storm Lords btw.[/SPOILER]
Now on top of this, you have Aodh who is out to get Orcus as much as Lilith; albeit for different reasons. [SPOILER]Aodh is afraid of ending up in Tartarus, or more precisely Orcus using his Doomlagues to project his power onto the Outer Planes and “arrest” all of the gods and lock them up.[/SPOILER]
There is some real question, I admit, as to how culpable Sentir really is. Is he hapless pawn in over his head or what?
Let me think on this and someway to rework this scene.[/quote]
Yeah I thought Sentir Fallon knowing about Exador in the church didn’t fit. He seems loyal to Tiernon but is willing to break the rules for the greater good. Allowing an Arch Demon to be Arch Vicar General in a perfect place to corrupt doesn’t fit for me.
Well for my two cents….
He and his buddies did slaughter something like 16,000 Dorks permanently/ate their souls with that dagger–as it says somewhere, maybe HH, maybe AoD–it followed all his links and ate their souls….
Or so we believe….
And there were probably around 100,000 orcs,giants, trolls, etc. All killed.
So that’s not very nice.
But that’s all OK, because those types are “evil” and Sentir Fallon is a ‘good guy’
You misspelled D’Orcs, Tizzy.
And we don’t know for a fact that is what happened. I know someone says that, but that doesn’t make it true. It’s a guess.
We only know that something in excess of 14,000 D’Orcs were killed along with 100,000+ other mortal creatures. It was a pretty massive slaughter/defeat.
However, we do not know that all their animus was sucked up by the dagger, they could have just been killed and their way back to the Abyss blocked.
We will know more about this by the end of the book.
OK,
I softened a few points and completely eliminated the part about working with Exador in Astlan. I think this gives him more plausible deniability, makes him a bit less evil, more just entangled.
Does this help him stay more in character with his previous self?
[quote]
“You seem rather morose today.” Lilith commented to Sentir Fallon as the three of them sat watching Etternon, the local star rise above the horizon while sipping local ice-wine. They had been discussing their next steps.“Things are getting awkward on Nysegard.” Sentir Fallon replied sourly.
“Awkward?” Aodh asked. “There are many words for that wasteland, awkward is not typically one of them.”
Sentir Fallon snorted. “The Storm Lords, whom you may recall have been of considerable assistance to us, are making a very significant advance upon one of the largest resistance cells, a place called the Citadel of Light.”
Lilith groaned, shaking her head. “How overly melodramatic!”
“Yes, well, in any event, they have been raising forces and planning a huge purge upon the Citadel for the last few thousand years and are now putting it in place.” Sentir Fallon said. “I have been working diligently to withdraw Tiernon’s forces from the plane in order to both assist them and to cover my own—our own—dealings with them; I don’t want to lose too many avatars and saints…it’s a long story, tangled web issues you might say.”
“And so your betrayal of Tiernon is making you sulk?” Aodh asked.
Sentir Fallon shook his head. “We have discussed this many times, it is not a betrayal. Not if I can keep the casualties to a minimum and over a long enough period. It’s called managing the situation so that all parties arrive at a mutually agreeable state.”
Lilith rolled her eyes, “Whatever you need to call it to keep your stomach calm. What’s the issue that has you so concerned?”
“The heir of Orcus in Nysegard?” Aodh asked.
Sentir Fallon grimaced in semi-disagreement. “Not so much. While Orcus was an ally of the Citadel of Light, this Tommus has a very real and current grudge against Tiernon and his forces. Further, I believe he is still too weak to risk his own resources on assisting the Citadel. No the problem is on Tierhallon’s side.”
“What do you mean?” Aodh asked. Lilith was staring straight ahead into the rising Etternon.
Sentir Fallon sighed. “I have worked to keep both Tiernon and Torean’s forces out of Nysegard and the fray, as I’ve said. However, this Hilda, who is investigating this Tommus demon and Sir Talarius has managed to insert herself into the Citadel of Light and has drug Inethya, the Prophetess of Nysegard and Dashgar the Attendant Archon as well as another of our Saints and several saints and archons of Torean into the entire mess.”
“So they are going to be there to defend this Citadel?” Lilith asked.
“It appears so, they are also working to coordinate with the avatars of the other Siblings.” Sentir sighed before taking another sip.
“And you can’t stop or discourage them?” Aodh asked. “I thought you were in charge of that localverse.”
“I am, but there is only so much I can do without raising questions; and Beragamos went over my head and got Tiernon’s explicit approval.” Sentir Fallon scowled as he said this.
Lilith shook her head and looked to Sentir. “Beragamos will not be there will he? That would be a route!”
“Indeed!” Sentir closed his eyes and shook his head. “Fortunately, he is not going. However, I am still left with two possibilities.”
“Two possibilities?” Aodh asked.
“Yes, either the Storm Lords will fail in their plan to revive the works of the Dark Apostle Stoivenychas, and will suffer serious losses at the Citadel thanks to divine intervention from Dashgar and Inethya and the other avatars…” Sentir said before Aodh interrupted.
“Which would make them very unhappy with you.” Aodh said.
“Indeed, and thus complicate other things.” Sentir shook his head.
“Or? The other possibility?” Lilith asked.
“Or they succeed in reviving the work of the Dark Apostle Stoivenychas and the Five Siblings take an incredible, mind numbing defeat that will be extremely uncomfortable to deal with.” Sentir said.
Lilith shrugged. “However, you will have advised against it, and have been overridden by Tiernon himself. It will not be your fault.”
“Yes, but it will raise questions and discussions I would rather not have to deal with.” Sentir Fallon replied.
“So, what is the probability that they can recreate the works of the Dark Apostle Stoivenychas?” Aodh asked.
Sentir shrugged. “A few centuries or so ago, I would not have given it much of a chance. A lot of his work was lost with him. Clouds Of Disintegration are very good at eliminating things.” Sentir sighed. “However, they have another ally who has considerable experience with the work they are interested in.”
“Who?” Aodh asked.
“An archdemon named Exador.” Sentir Fallon said.
“The same archdemon involved in this whole Astlan—Lord Tommus thing?” Lilith asked in surprise.
“The same.” Sentir Fallon nodded
Lilith shook her head. “What an amazingly small multiverse!”
[/quote]
Yes that is better, but didn’t you just revert to the Alpha0 version with some typos corrected?
Also while you making changes: That would be a[color=red] route[/color]!” should be That would be a [color=red]rout[/color]!”
Seriously? I have no idea…it’s about all I can do to keep it straight. that’s why beta is so incredibly important. I need people to keep me sane.
Otherwise I’d be Tizzy.
Hey, don’t be all in a tizzy over the writing process. Sure this story is your demon to bear, but take a break if need be.
Anyways, I did a copy and compare of the text for this scene Alpha1 v2 you posted and Alpha0. It is just alpha0 with typos fixed. Oh well. It didn’t really need fixing before.
I also did a comparison of Alpha1 and Alpha0.
Now, the main things you added in Alpha1 are:
[list][*] Sentir was behind Exador
[*] Lilith & Aodh learning that Exador was in charge of Tiernon forces at one point
[*] The reveal of Tisdale[/list]With #1 and #3 removed #2 could still be of import. Only, I’ve yet to see the final 20% and have no idea how relevant such a revelation would be for the upcoming chapters. Also, no idea if Sentir is still meant to be behind Exador but will that be revealed later in this or a future book.
Seriously? That’s all the difference in that scene…I swear I had added a bunch of other stuff…
sheesh…
Yeah, I am going to scale back the Wizard Tisdale references. That has always been in the timeline that there was wizard named Tisdale that slew Diemeron Hunter Master, the Mind Reaver.
I just started emphasizing it in the text, but as has been said, probably went a bit overboard on that.
We still have no “proof” they are the same person. In particular, Tizzy is well known to be unable to shape change or do any magic.
Interestingly–not sure if it made it into the book, but the drug dealer that sold Reggie the joints was in addition to smoking a pipe, a very large/bulky robed fellow in a dark alley.
The implication is that it was Tizzy as is in a big robe. Sort of like “The Dread Pirate Roberts” storming the castle in the Holocaust Cloak (his extra limbs hidden under the cloak) in TPB
My sort of point in bring it out in this book was that the wizard Tisdale was a human (or a demon in human form)
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