(87.3) Issues
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While it does give the point 1, those info doesn’t make the story richer nor does those info have any consequence, unlike Tom’s.
Point 2 is already established, having dozens of such scenes is just a waste of space.
Point 3, while important, is just not that important to require a scene; especially when it is just repeated allover again in other scenes further down. You can cut this scene out and we will still know about the link in the scene where he show it to Jenn and Maelen. Not to mention, this scene is rather dull.
First six paragraphs is info dump.
[quote]“Could things get worse?” Gastropé muttered to himself, right before a knock came at his door. [color=red]Gastroé[/color] shook his head and called out, “Come in!”[/quote]
Misspelling
[quote]Trevin blinked and shook her head, looking him in the eyes again. “Uhm, no, afraid I didn’t. I was just noticing the [color=red]binding spell[/color] you had extending off into the nether regions and into the Abyss. Very skillfully crafted, I must say. I can honestly say, I am impressed.” She grinned at him.[/quote]
I think you might mean a link. I can’t really vission a spell extending to the nether regions.
[quote]Gastropé shook his head slightly as if to clear it. He quickly spoke the words necessary to invoke his wizard [color=red]site[/color] and stared down to his chest. He had to focus it a bit, but the Enchantress had been right! There was some sort of link spell emanating from his chest and extending off into the aether.[/quote]
Sight?
Also, I think you should cut this scene off and just use flashbacks and reference when he discuss the link with Jenn. This scene essentially just put the link into Gastrope’s attention. That is just too small a matter to dedicate a scene for it.
Thanks, got the errors.
As for this scene’s value and info dump.
I think “info dump” may be spelling out the problem.
This scene serves multiple purposes:
1) Gastrope”s background, family history; his concerns (student loans) trying to make him real for 20 something students with load debt
2) More creepy predatory behavior from your favorite character Trevin 🙂
3) Expose the linkSo perhaps the real problem is that it’s too explicative? And that there might be better ways of revealing this information?
Of course Tom does this sort of thing (mental anxiety dump) all the time…
See and I thought it was the empathy scene for Gastrope’ I.E. humanize him.
BTW Server being a bit wacky, web server IIS, zonked shortly after this post of yours, and now I am running some updates on it, there will probably another downtime during the windows update/reboot.
It is actually an empathy scene but those stuff is so unrelated to the current situation that I just gloss over it. Maybe you could bring some of these things up in scenes where they would have more weight.
ARGH!!!
I had this semilong post written and was editing and somehow hit some stupid keys and the chrome window closed, eating my stupid post.
I hate that. It’s been happening a lot with this new funky keyboard I got.
Anyway….argh argh argh now I have to repeat myself. This is why I hate live writing in web editors, it’s so easy to lose a long post.
Anyway, I am not saying I won’t use him. :-”
I was saying that just because someone has a name doesn’t mean they have to show up again.
The greater shadow as been around for some time, he was always going to show up, and will show up again. He’s involved in this plotline all the way through.
In this scene Exador learns that Trevin will be exiting the Grove on the Nimbus heading towards Murgandy. He has been spying on the Grove because they were a pain to the Anilords (and Ramses) and are a pain to him in his dealings with people on the other side of the Grove. Further, his allies in Nysegard hate the Grove.
So after hearing this from the greater shadow, he says he’s going to tell his allies in Nysegard.
During the attack, Trevin says that the storm liches must have had a spy because there is no way they could normally have that many resources at the exact location in time to attack on this scale.
Later, Exador talks about his allies getting their butts kicked, and how they are unhappy with him; but it’s not his fault if the didn’t supply adequate resources. He wonders why he even bothers with these folks.
So, anyway, the long story and part of the visions of Elrose and Maelen is that Freehold will be in the center of the conflict; one big reason they see themselves at the center is because Exador and friends are going to try and steal the book by force, i.e. flatten Freehold.
Exador will be using the Nyseguard Storm Lords/Storm Liches for that as well as some others.
So will go back and see if I can make this clearer without beating people over the head.
As you’ve observed, I tend to vacillate between obscure references and beating people over the head with the obvious.
:d/
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