(87.2) issues
- This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
“Heron sighed, if the Chancellors, so determined then so must he prosecute the law.”
Heron sighed. If the Chancellors so determined, then so must he prosecute the law.
87.2b
“Further, his tent-mates, who had also been recovering from wounds, they had devoted healing resources and spells to the non-possessed wounded first, had all been completely healed and all signs of possession gone.”
Further, his tent-mates, who had also been recovering from wounds – they had devoted healing resources and spells to the non-possessed wounded first – had all been completely healed and all signs of possession were now gone.
“Subsequently two mounts a mule and their gear had simply vanished from the stockade.”
Subsequently, two mounts, a mule and their gear had simply vanished from the stockade.
The whole paragraph could use some serious simplification.
There are a lot of places that could be simplified.
Some of my odd constructions will get rebuilt/simplified by the editor some will not.
This is really why I need to go over the thing several times and have people point out the weird language. I mean, some weird language is on purpose, and some is just–it sounds better in my head than when reading it.
BTW on issues that I fix; I am marking the original flagging with a “thank” that way you know it’s fixed; sometimes I respond before I get it fixed, and doing the “thank” is my way of confirming I’ve fixed something.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.