(85.05) Issues
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Unnecessary scene.
This scene gives us information that would just be repeated later. It just wastes space.
It also introduces a character that we will never meet again. It creates an expectation that ultimately will not be rewarded.
??????
This is the scene that reveals the connection between Exador and the Storm Liches. I’m giving context/background to the Storm Lich attack.
Exador set the Storm Liches on the Grove, they are allies of his with an army of Evil…they will be quite useful in flattening Freehold.
You can’t assume that every character that you meet is a major character, true we might not see the Greater Shadow again, but there are a number of Orcs you won’t see again. Main characters have to be able to interact with NPC’s as we might call them, and NPC’s have names.
Hmm… So it was Exador’s order? I was never really able to connect the two. Thought it was random.
I think you need to connect the two scenes more:
-maybe you could try to actually bring the ice dragons here. Make Exador name them. That way the connection is more obvious.
-Shorten the distance between this scene and the fighting scene. As it was, there are just too much stuff between the two. When it came to the fight scene, this scene is forgoten.
-you could also try to just make the dragon attact unrelated to Exador, maybe just make it plain random, then you don’t have to have this scene. It would save some space.
No. I did not assume that the shadow demon was a major character, it is just you made it so interesting being a greater shadow and with Ramses being so interested; I, a reader, just become interested with the demon as well. My interest creates expectations: that I will see it again, that it uses its uniquness as a greater shadow in some way… none of which come to pass.
I suggest that you make this demon flat and uninteresting. Maybe, just make it a plain shadow demon. If it is not to appear again anyway, better make it forgetable.
ARGH!!!
I had this semilong post written and was editing and somehow hit some stupid keys and the chrome window closed, eating my stupid post.
I hate that. It’s been happening a lot with this new funky keyboard I got.
Anyway….argh argh argh now I have to repeat myself. This is why I hate live writing in web editors, it’s so easy to lose a long post.
AND THEN! I posted this to the other topic about Gastrope…guess it’s getting close to bed time…
Anyway, I am not saying I won’t use him. :-”
I was saying that just because someone has a name doesn’t mean they have to show up again.
The greater shadow as been around for some time, he was always going to show up, and will show up again. He’s involved in this plotline all the way through.
In this scene Exador learns that Trevin will be exiting the Grove on the Nimbus heading towards Murgandy. He has been spying on the Grove because they were a pain to the Anilords (and Ramses) and are a pain to him in his dealings with people on the other side of the Grove. Further, his allies in Nysegard hate the Grove.
So after hearing this from the greater shadow, he says he’s going to tell his allies in Nysegard.
During the attack, Trevin says that the storm liches must have had a spy because there is no way they could normally have that many resources at the exact location in time to attack on this scale.
Later, Exador talks about his allies getting their butts kicked, and how they are unhappy with him; but it’s not his fault if the didn’t supply adequate resources. He wonders why he even bothers with these folks.
So, anyway, the long story and part of the visions of Elrose and Maelen is that Freehold will be in the center of the conflict; one big reason they see themselves at the center is because Exador and friends are going to try and steal the book by force, i.e. flatten Freehold.
Exador will be using the Nyseguard Storm Lords/Storm Liches for that as well as some others.
So will go back and see if I can make this clearer without beating people over the head.
As you may have observed, I tend to vacillate between obscure references and beating people over the head with the obvious.
:d/
I don’t mean that you had to get rid of this character, just make it low key. For all intents, even if it reappear, this demon is a very minor character. It is not neccessary for it to be interesting nor does it need to. As I said, all the interest in it creates some big expectations that just would not be rewarded. Why set up something that will just disappoint the readers?
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