(80.3) Issues
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I think in the first case; her statement is (or supposed to be) much more sarcastic and derogatory than you are reading it. Will look at it to make it more obvious that she is being quite scathing.
The second case, I think you have a good point. I need to think on this. Being a thaumaturge and a healer, it is possible she would know this, but very few she would be talking to would. I will reword this to be more culturally accurate.
OK here are some reworks. I may be going too Shakespearean in the second case.
[quote]“What an Abyssal disaster!” Jenn exclaimed as she walked around the palace with Maelen and Gastropé. “Did no one think through the consequences of this?” Jenn waved her hands angrily towards a pile of rubble. “You’ve got hundreds of demons trapped in a palace, many with no way out, and then on short notice, with no real planning, cast the most powerful banishment spell anyone has ever used?” She shook her head in exasperation. “How could these supposedly brilliant ‘master wizards’ not even think to open the doors and windows?”[/quote]
Second case? Suggestions?
[quote]Jenn glared at him, “You know that icicle doesn’t count. She needs a bigger codpiece than most of the men I know.” Gastropé glared at her. “Yes, that includes you.” Jenn snapped and then suddenly realized what she was saying and softened. “I’m sorry, I’m just frustrated.” She grabbed his forearm and gave it a squeeze before releasing it.[/quote]
Not actually sure that many men wear codpieces in Astlan.
[quote]“What a hellish disaster!” Jenn exclaimed as she walked around the palace with Maelen and Gastropé. “Did no one think through the consequences of this? You’ve got hundreds of demons trapped in a palace, many with no way out, [color=green]and you cast the most powerful banishment spell anyone has ever used?[/color] Wouldn’t you think to open the doors and windows?”[/quote]
Did Jenn just said that? It sounda so out of character. She might as well kiss Lenamare.[quote]Jenn glared at him, “You know that icicle doesn’t count. She’s got more [color=green]testosterone[/color] than most of the men I know.” Gastropé glared at her. “Yes, that includes you.” Jenn snapped and then suddenly realized what she was saying and softened. “I’m sorry, I’m just frustrated.” She grabbed his forearm and gave it a squeeze before releasing it.[/quote]
This word is quite modern. Even the word Hormone is modern. Using this expression just sound out of place (time?) for this quite medievalistic world. This is just overzealousness on my part. Ignore if neccessary.
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