First Read through!

Welcome To Astlan Forums The Heavenly Host Beta First Read through!

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    It’s a [i]name[/i] of the central life giving entity in most cultures. So it has great symbolic and cultural relevance. Think about all the sun gods in different mythologies and such.

    Here, Fierd (like the english fiery) is central to astrology, the seasons, magic, the elements (fire), it’s just very much wired into the magic and tradition of the land. If you look at the astrology, calendar etc you’ll see it.

    Do they know the word “sun?” Probably, in a generic sense, just like we know the word “star”

    Why do we not call the sun a star? It is. We just have a lot of tradition in English call it the sun, in Latin and related languages it is Sol (like solar system)

    Actually this ties out to a problem I have, you will note that I am rather slipshod on capitalizing the word Fierd/fierd/Fierdal/fierdal etc. This is similar to “The Sun”

    it’s a name of something, not a generic description. The local star/sun is [i]named[/i] Fierd. But people have turned it into adjectives.

    I think when I say “fierd” it should be Fierd, a name, when I used the adjective, it should be fierdal or fierdy.

    We are very sloppy about this in English with the sun…incidentally, notice how I capitalized English? Spell checker demands it because it is a name.


    General notes


    Read through 44% so far and really digging the Abyssal tour. 🙂 This is the version downloaded the weekend of the 4th (for reference).

    For first read through focused on breaks in my immersion due to misspelled words. Granted I’m no writer/editor myself, so I could be wrong in some instances! Will take another pass when the next version comes out and keep building. Denoting potential errors in [b][h]bold [/h][/b] and highlight with rough location (converted from epub to mobi for my kindle so chapters are all wonky sorry). Hopefully this is enough context to find them:

    Page 26- Chapter 83
    However, if he wanted to try and cheat one more time, I’d [b][h]give[/h][/b] him a lesson…”

    Page 32- Chapter 83
    Trisfelt said, puzzled but still a bit flustered by her bright and [b][h][b][h]fiery[/h][/b][/h][/b] smile.

    Page 54 – Chapter 84
    Clearly being talented in Demonology was [b][h]extraneous[/h][/b] for Etonian priesthood. So perhaps that had been for the best.

    Page 64 – Chapter 85
    “And what does Gandros [b][h]want[/h][/b] with the good Seer?”

    Page 67 – Chapter 85
    “Although, if they are being picky about who [b][h]they[/h][/b] let back in…”

    Page 70 – Chapter 85
    “He is, apparently, according to Maelen at least, [b][h]a[/h][/b] very powerful…”

    Page 105 – Chapter 86
    “Again, just Tom. I’m no lord of anything or [b][h]anyone[/h][/b].”

    Page 170 – Chapter 90
    Such a bargain was obviously [b][h]unholy[/h][/b] and a sin and abomination.

    Page 171 – Chapter 90
    Redirected it [b][h]from[/h][/b] himself to Talarius.

    Page 178 – Chapter 91
    Many of us, myself included, worship Hephaestus God [b][h]of[/h][/b] the Forge, Craftsmen and our people.

    Page 200 – Chapter 93
    “You met [b][h]his[/h][/b] father yesterday, Gnorman.”

    Page 221 – Chapter 93
    She glanced again at the woman’s way too revealing [b][h]clothes[/h][/b].

    Page 247 – Chapter 95
    Which one of us [b][h]is the[/h][/b] healer here?

    Page 250- Chapter 95
    “I would agree; while I don’t [b][h]know[/h][/b] Lenmare…”

    Page 254 – Chapter 95
    Talarius[b][h]’s[/h][/b] [b][h]armor[/h][/b] was very clearly rattling now…

    Page 308 – Chapter 95
    “Oh Great Master, Lord of [b][h]Lords[/h][/b]…


    Page 67 – Chapter 85
    “Although, if they are being picky about who they let back in…”

    I don’t think about who is correct. maybe about whom or just whom. (I would choose the latter, but i am not a native speaker.



    Sorry for the distracting errors. It was a rough draft without a full pass edit. I am doing that as I do beta 2. Will check to make sure I got these.

    There will also be a professional editor going over it after beta.

    However, as I found in the redo of book 1, readers actually caught some errors that she missed in book 1…so it’s great to have all eyes on deck!

    As I go through, I find that the last half of the book probably has more errors than the first half since I was writing more quickly at point.



    Went through, I had caught about 50% of them in my second pass. So great you guys are looking!

    The Talarius’s was one I always screw up so I went and relooked it up and corrected it as you pointed out. And I am totally squishy on the who and whom, I noticed that in several spots in the book, oddly, this example is one I missed.

    Now as to the bright and fierdy smile. Yes, this is bugging the potatoes out of a lot of people. But the correct term is fierdy. There is no sun in Astlan, they have a fierd instead. So sunny becomes fierdy! A bright and fierdy smile!

    It didn’t come up a whole lot in book 1 since most of that was from Tom’s perspective and he was calling the fiery ball in the sky, the sun, not the fierd.

    Actually, demons and angels would be pretty agnostic on this since every world calls it something different, but Hilda was born in Astlan so call’s it fierd as to the other astlanians.


    Why is it important that they call the sun a fierd while trees and water are still trees and water?


    Cool, glad to help out! Still taking notes as I read through version 1, but will probably wait till version 2 draft for the second half (if I find any).

    Overall really enjoying the plot and characters, especially the witty banter (Tizzy!). My wife always knows I’m pretty engrossed when I start chuckling while reading a story. 🙂



    I will post a note about beta 2 in the status topic. I have now written, andded and updated everything but the very ending.

    So Beta 2 will be coming on Sunday. I am going to be tied up tonight and will need to fend off a Minion attack tomorrow…

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