General Plot Questions/Comments (Grouped)

[The Author Guy]

[quote=MommaGx3;4080]
First, while Rupert and Rog did make their appearance, it almost felt like an after thought. Other than the one reference Tom made about being a bad father and his finally releasing the secret of his immaculate conception toward fatherhood… there really wasn’t much of a connection between them. Their relationship in book one and two was so much a focus that it was noticeably missing in book 3. [/quote]

Yes, it could use some work, originally and with the title, there was supposed to be much more of their adventures, but the movement up of the Storm Lords in the HH Beta process sort of shifted things, so that now, they are only just getting started. There will be a lot more of them in Book IV, as with Tal Gor.

[quote=MommaGx3;4080]
For new readers, how much were we exposed to the ranger god? To me, he just seemed to come in out of nowhere and was suddenly taking a center stage. I actually have to look at the site to find out more about it. Maybe it’s just me, but I felt that it was a little rough with this introduction to him. [/quote]

The other Five Siblings had only been briefly mentioned in previous books. Namora got the most mention in HH due to the beggars, then Hendel due to Vaselle. Torean (or rather his rangers/priests) will have a much bigger role in Chronicles of Astlan: Into The Wild, which should be out between books III and IV.

[quote=MommaGx3;4080]
I generally like the pace, but there is a lot of skipping around very quickly. I know you have concerns about the length and there is so much to share, but I don’t mind the length when it helps add more smoothness. [/quote]

Going to work on smoothing that out, that is in fact one of my current concerns with what to do about the last 20% etc.

[quote=MommaGx3;4080]
Lilith… She just got her ass handed to her with those chaos folks… Whatever happened with that, there is foreshadowing that there may be kick back for her in her use of them for the battle. But the big battle and those baddies were prime at the end of book 2. Now in book 3, they are just kind of an after-thought. I would have expected to see just a bit more about them, even maybe a segment or two introducing their involvement or at least investigation. Lots of references about them not liking that absolute zero was found as a weakness… but where are they? WHere do they come from? How did she get them to work for her… where is the fallout?[/quote]

The problem here is timing, it’s only been about 10 days, and Astlanian week. The Chaos folk live on the other side of the multiverse and it will take some time for it to propagate. However, they will be showing up before the end of the book, but full repercussions will be seen later

[quote=MommaGx3;4080]
Where are our little snippets of adventure as our two brilliant mages attempt to try more creative ways to open the book? We again got a little foreshadowing about the relationship between Tizzy and his book but we didn’t see hide nor hair of it. Considering how pivotal it is to the overall arc of the story. I expected to see at least one humorous attempt by Jeh & Len (hehehe, JehLen can be their little pet name) to open it where it then goes agro and tries to eat them!!![/quote]

We will see more through the beta. A lot of the secondary stories I sort of hold back to see where the beta goes. It’s not they are excluded, but I focus more on the narratives I need to get to the end, first.

[quote=MommaGx3;4080]
Speaking of Tizzy… that conversation between Ramses and Exador… it felt a little off where he didn’t think TIsdale was Tizzy. I mean, he’s a brilliant strategist who has pulled the wool over the eyes of not only the casting classes but the gods themselves… that conversation just struck me as weak. [/Quote]

I see your point. Will work to rework it. But here is the thing. They see Tizzy as a fiend, a nut, a wacko, a bum. They have trouble believe that he could be so powerful as to 1) pass as a wizard and 2) defeat those he has defeated (and as we will see it is more than just the Mind Reavers)

[quote=MommaGx3;4080]
Anyway, I intend to read over it again and this time look more deeply into the questions and thoughts I had, as well as any of the little nitpicky grammar and mechanics that woke my inner grammardemonnazi. [/quote]

Danger here is that much of the grammar stuff will change with rewrites.

[quote=MommaGx3;4080]
So, since I shared all that “negative” criticalness. I have to say, AWESOME! OOooo, I’m so excited that he’s learned the ways of dorkitude. When’s he going to try to Dorkitude a human or dwarf? I want to see a dw’ark!!!! I LOVE Vaselle, he is SOOOO cute. I just want to wrap him up in lots of demonic yumminess and put him on the shelf.[/quote]

I am sure that Vaselle would appreciate your appreciation of him. If you haven’t noticed, he’s got some codependent tendencies…

[MommaGx3]

Didn’t break mine out by Chapter

[MommaGx3]

Ah, slipping back into the lovely warmth of the abyss is always delightful! I have completed my first read of the beta version released on the 3rd. I simply flew through it. It moved along quite nicely. I do have a few general comments or questions that simply filtered across my mind the first time I read.

First, while Rupert and Rog did make their appearance, it almost felt like an after thought. Other than the one reference Tom made about being a bad father and his finally releasing the secret of his immaculate conception toward fatherhood… there really wasn’t much of a connection between them. Their relationship in book one and two was so much a focus that it was noticeably missing in book 3.

For new readers, how much were we exposed to the ranger god? To me, he just seemed to come in out of nowhere and was suddenly taking a center stage. I actually have to look at the site to find out more about it. Maybe it’s just me, but I felt that it was a little rough with this introduction to him.

I generally like the pace, but there is a lot of skipping around very quickly. I know you have concerns about the length and there is so much to share, but I don’t mind the length when it helps add more smoothness.

Lilith… She just got her ass handed to her with those chaos folks… Whatever happened with that, there is foreshadowing that there may be kick back for her in her use of them for the battle. But the big battle and those baddies were prime at the end of book 2. Now in book 3, they are just kind of an after-thought. I would have expected to see just a bit more about them, even maybe a segment or two introducing their involvement or at least investigation. Lots of references about them not liking that absolute zero was found as a weakness… but where are they? WHere do they come from? How did she get them to work for her… where is the fallout?

Where are our little snippets of adventure as our two brilliant mages attempt to try more creative ways to open the book? We again got a little foreshadowing about the relationship between Tizzy and his book but we didn’t see hide nor hair of it. Considering how pivotal it is to the overall arc of the story. I expected to see at least one humorous attempt by Jeh & Len (hehehe, JehLen can be their little pet name) to open it where it then goes agro and tries to eat them!!!

Speaking of Tizzy… that conversation between Ramses and Exador… it felt a little off where he didn’t think TIsdale was Tizzy. I mean, he’s a brilliant strategist who has pulled the wool over the eyes of not only the casting classes but the gods themselves… that conversation just struck me as weak.

Anyway, I intend to read over it again and this time look more deeply into the questions and thoughts I had, as well as any of the little nitpicky grammar and mechanics that woke my inner grammardemonnazi.

So, since I shared all that “negative” criticalness. I have to say, AWESOME! OOooo, I’m so excited that he’s learned the ways of dorkitude. When’s he going to try to Dorkitude a human or dwarf? I want to see a dw’ark!!!! I LOVE Vaselle, he is SOOOO cute. I just want to wrap him up in lots of demonic yumminess and put him on the shelf.

TTFN!!!

[Author]

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