Alpha 2 – General spelling and grammar
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Chapter 123
Without proof of [color=red]wrong doing[/color], there can be no administration of Justice.” –> [color=red]wrongdoing[/color]
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Chapter 124
“One fears so [color=red]mistress[/color], (s) he is awaiting thy attention in the third green room.” cron replied. –> [color=red]Mistress[/color] because cron always speaks in a title case when referring to his mistress.
[color=red]baron( es)[/color] –> [color=red]baron(ess)[/color] This occurs multiple times.
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Chapter 125
[color=red]re-seize[/color] –> this is just a poor way of saying [color=red]reclaim[/color]
[color=red]re-create[/color] –> [color=red]recreate[/color]“There will[color=red].[/color] of course, be pushback from the Elders and noble houses. –> remove the [color=red]period[/color] from after There will and change to [color=red]comma[/color]
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Chapter 130
setting the biscuit ring half with [color=red]smear[/color] –> Maybe this is a local spelling but I always thought it was [color=red]schmeer[/color] or [color=red]schmear[/color].
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Chapter 137
he was captured in one of our raids –> he was [color=red]once[/color] captured in one of our raids
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Chapter 138
The [color=red]stone fingers[/color] had quickly mounted a warg back party to retrieve either prisoners or corpses. –> [color=red]Stone Fingers[/color]
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Chapter 140
“The word, ‘undead.’ It was a trigger word.” Elrose said, still seeming a bit [color=red]shook[/color]. –> [color=red]shaken[/color]
He had to admit that it felt good to have something to be proud of [color=red]post defeat[/color] at the hands of Lord Tommus. –> either [color=red]post-defeat[/color] or [color=red]after his defeat[/color]. I can tell you’ve been writing a lot of functional/technical specs. The FS/TS style of writing is creeping into your story.
[color=red]En-lieu of such thoughts[/color] he had been more than happy to accept Stainsberry’s invitation to dinner and drinks at the Good Knight’s Rest. –> In lieu is being use incorrectly here. Your sentence is saying “In view of”, not “In lieu of”. In lieu of means “instead of” or “substituting for”. In view of means “because” of “for this reason”.
That’s why words like Lieutenant can roughly mean “substitute (land) holder”. They gave orders by with the authority of another like a noble or an officer (who are still nobles). Actually, how much of Astlan’s culture has the officers as being nobles. Has there been any discussion of whether Talarius is a noble son? Does Talarius have any siblings or parents.
Er, back on track… so any of these would work as a correction:
– [color=red]Rather than focus on such thoughts[/color]
– [color=red]Instead of having to deal with such thoughts[/color]
– [color=red]In lieu of having of to deal with such thoughts[/color]Missed this I believe.
Note that the initial message doesn’t have a “thank” that means I didn’t fix it.
Thanks for bringing this back up!
[quote=Iume;4646]Chapter 123
[color=red]En-lieu of such thoughts[/color] he had been more than happy to accept Stainsberry’s invitation to dinner and drinks at the Good Knight’s Rest. –> In lieu is being use incorrectly here. Your sentence is saying “In view of”, not “In lieu of”. In lieu of means “instead of” or “substituting for”. In view of means “because” of “for this reason”.
That’s why words like Lieutenant can roughly mean “substitute (land) holder”. They gave orders by with the authority of another like a noble or an officer (who are still nobles). Actually, how much of Astlan’s culture has the officers as being nobles. Has there been any discussion of whether Talarius is a noble son? Does Talarius have any siblings or parents.
Er, back on track… so any of these would work as a correction:
– [color=red]Rather than focus on such thoughts[/color]
– [color=red]Instead of having to deal with such thoughts[/color]
– [color=red]In lieu of having of to deal with such thoughts[/color][/quote]I did mean instead of, however, I like the Rather than focus on such thoughts much much better.
All good questions. This will probably get dealt with in CoA:ITW because that takes place within the context of the Holy Etonian Empire; Krispin, the protagonist was trained by Talarius. I just don’t quite have the answers yet!
But I can say that officer/noble is different from kingdom to nation etc. Oorstemoth is generally a meritocracy, whereas the Holy Etonian Empire is mostly nobility based except for their Cromwellian interlude under the Anilords. I would say that shook things up a fair amount and so it is more merit based now than Etonia Eternal.
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