Beta2 – A few little things
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Here are a few little things I found.
M) = Small modification might be in order
S) = Spelling error
*)Suggested modificationM)Oorstemothians have built some sort extra-dimensional paddy wagon
*)Oorstemothians have built some sort of extra-dimensional paddy wagonM)What was the point of being held hostage by a paranoid demon lord if you could not provoke their paranoia?
*)What was the upside of being held hostage by a demon lord if they could not even provoke a bit of paranoia?M)he suddenly realized he could just make himself a bigger.
*)he suddenly realized he could just make himself a bit bigger.M)the largest two studios
*)the two largest studiosM)and exploded as Tiernon had hoped
*)and exploded as Talarius had hopedM)She shook his head.
*)She shook his hand.S)God fortune in seeking the Doom of Astlan
*)Good fortune in seeking the Doom of Astlan[quote=Giwdul;5969]M)What was the point of being held hostage by a paranoid demon lord if you could not provoke their paranoia?
*)What was the upside of being held hostage by a demon lord if they could not even provoke a bit of paranoia?[/quote]I think this may be a more idiomatic thing in terms of how people talk in different regions. How about:
[color=blue]Where was the advantage in being held hostage by a paranoid demon lord if you could not provoke their paranoia?[/color]
[quote=Giwdul;5969]M)the largest two studios
*)the two largest studios[/quote]Reworking the paragraphs
[color=blue]The smithy was actually quite large and apparently at some point Völund had quite a number of smith apprentices working for him. There was the main smithy and then a good number of studio or workshop smithies. Currently there were only three D’Orc smiths working for him in the main smithy, and Phaestus’ team had taken over the two largest studios, however there had been a number of mid-sized and smaller studios available and after considerable amounts of—uhm—begging, he and Tamarin had managed to get the Smith of Doom, to agree to him using one.
The funny thing was that a small studio for a D’Orc was still larger than his entire shop in Freehold. That reminded him, he was going to need to get some tools from his shop. In fact, perhaps he would need to buy a second set of tools, there was a lot of good stuff here, but it was generally D’Orc sized. In the morning he would take some gems with him through his portal beacon outside Freehold. It would be his first attempt to actually use his master’s power to open a portal on his own.[/color]
[quote=Giwdul;5969]M)She shook his head.
*)She shook his hand.[/quote]Nope, she walked up to him put her hands on the side of his face and shook his head back and forth!
:^o
](*,)
M)Melissance stared at him in stunned surprise for what seemed like several minutes before finally throwing her hair back,
*)Melissance stared at him in stunned surprise for several long moments before finally throwing her hair back,Just try to hold an expression of stunned surprise on your face for several minutes…..
Yeah, not as easy as it sounds. You start going cross-eyed after about forty seconds or so.
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