beta 2 stuff to edit
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The Jilted Bride was the NEVER spoken name
of Lilith. Well, not actually a name, more of a tile, in fact, an epithet.tile should be title.
Schwarzenfürze growled in Gastropé direction causing him to drop
is finger and swallow.is should be his
Damien grimaced, Vaselle suddenly realized they’d were still
wearing the same close they’d been wearing at Mount Doom where there
was quite a bit of sulfur in the air.close should be clothes
the prophet of torean
fassbinder?
has 3 different spelling of his name
fassbinder
fassbindhtr
fassbindralso one of the stevensword names is mispelled just search for steven
i will post more here IF i find some.
[quote]
We are, he is the one that told us how to get around the interdiction via relays. Beragamos said. He says the interdiction was used against him on Etterdam by Sentir Fallon, Lilith and Nét’s avatar Aodh.What? Tiernon [color=red]said[/color].
Yes, shocking, but it may explain a great deal. Beragamos said. Based on what he has said, and what he knew about getting around the interdiction; as well as the word of Darg-Krallnom, I have no reason to doubt him. [color=red][s]Beragamos said.[/s][/color]
[/quote]“said”. Tiernon sounds rather calm upon finding out his avatar is accused of working with Lilith. Perhaps shouted or exclaimed? Maybe growled? Not 100% how he should be feeling, but it isn’t calm.
Also, remove that second “Beragamos said.”
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We will need to discuss this in much more detail when you return. Tiernon said. What do you need in the [color=red]mean time[/color]? –> [color=red]meantime[/color]
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Agreed. Tiernon replied. At the moment all we have is the word of those we have wronged[color=red],[/color] and wronged under his oversight[color=red]. We[/color] need further inquiry[color=red], but at[/color] the same[color=red] time I[/color] cannot risk Sentir Fallon making the situation worse.
Fixed incorrect use of ; vs ,. You had them flipped.
[quote=fallen_one_84;5861]
Schwarzenfürze growled in [color=red]Gastropé direction[/color] causing him to drop
is finger and swallow.is should be his
Damien grimaced, Vaselle suddenly realized [color=red]they’d were[/color] still
wearing the same close they’d been wearing at Mount Doom where there
was quite a bit of sulfur in the air.close should be clothes
[/quote]Additional changes needed in red too:
Gastropé[color=red]’s[/color] direction
[color=red]they[/color] wereGot them.
I think it was supposed to be Fassbindhr, but even my spreadsheet was wrong with Fassbindhtr
It is now Fassbindr
Thanks!
[quote]
“As we discussed we have staged the D’Orcs in Nysegard to take advantage of the time difference. Behind the five of you, I will follow my link to the horn and open the sky portal below the storm clouds and allow the full light of Atun to bathe the field of battle; the Forces of Doom, both demons, D’Orcs and D’Wargs shall come through behind you.” Tom explained for the benefit of those that had not been at the planning table. Which would be the [color=red]four[/color] demons, Mufasa and War Arrow.
[/quote]There are three demons: Talgorf, Bellyachus and Lesteroth Garflog. Who is the fourth?
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Although Iskerus had probably shattered that illusion, Talarius [color=red]suddenly[/color] thought to himself.
Perhaps “[color=red]sadly[/color] thought to himself.”? He is feeling regret.
—
“How on Nysegard are they opening an Abyssal Gateway inside the beacons[color=red]?”[/color] Exador shouted at the expanding ring.
Added missing [color=red]”[/color]. Also, changed [color=red]![/color] to [color=red]?[/color] for a question even if it is a shout.
[quote=Iume;5898]”said”.Tiernon sounds rather calm upon finding out his avatar is accused of working with Lilith.Perhaps shouted or exclaimed?Maybe growled?Not 100% how he should be feeling, but it isn’t calm.[/quote]
[color=blue]What? Tiernon asked emoting shock to Beragamos.
[/color]Eliminated second Beragamos said.
[quote=Iume;5899]Perhaps “sadly thought to himself.”?He is feeling regret.[/quote]
Much much better.
[quote=Iume;5899]“How on Nysegard are they opening an Abyssal Gateway inside the beacons?” Exador shouted at the expanding ring.
Added missing “.Also, changed ! to ? for a question even if it is a shout.[/quote]
Fixed
“[color=red]Woa[/color]!” Stainsberry yelled as they approached the command tower. “That thing is twice the size of the others!” –> [color=red]Whoa[/color]
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Unfortunately, the giant undead beasts attacking the two knights [color=red]was[/color] taking all their attention. –> [color=red]were[/color]
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A land of vast [color=red]planes[/color] and gentle mountains, there are many nomadic cultures on Romdan as well as a large number of sophisticated city-states. –> [color=red]plains[/color]
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The Outer Planes: A ‘halo’ region outside of the Planes of Orc, it is very mana rich and animus friendly, these regions reflect aspects of the Material Planes and do so subject to the machinations and manipulations of very [color=red]power[/color] magineers—commonly referred to as gods. –> [color=red]powerful[/color]
[quote=Iume;5926]“Woa!” Stainsberry yelled as they approached the command tower. “That thing is twice the size of the others!” –> Whoa
[/quote]Fixed 4 times in various places.
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