Sorry this has taken me so long…

It would also be nice to cut some of the referrences to the grudge match between Tom & telarius. Especially later in the book. For instance when they are in oorstmath and the two G named rampant guy’s meet up with the Rampant chick do we really need to discuss the demonic battle yet again, or would it be better to discuss the upcoming trip into the abyss.

I mean in some respects it seems the Abyss journey is a grand unveiling saved for the when we first see the inferno. But really we all sort of knew that was the direction things were headed in.

I’ve read your bokok 4 times now, plus there were new books released last week by D. Rus and Terry Mancour that i needed to read.

Overall i enjoyed it. There were parts that I found tedious (the Jenn and Gastrope stuff) I sort of understand why you put it in. The problem is that neither of these two are really interesting characters, they aren’t coming into their own or really developing much, so basically there narrative is just bassically about them being along for the ride.

Personally I thought Hilda was the star of the book. She has so much character. Frankly I’m hoping that she gets taken on a top secret spying mission into Mount Doom.

There was a lot of padding. A lot of the Bess scenes, Randolf scenes, Exitor scenes could have been trimmed or combined into one.

There were a lot of typos, which I’m sure you will get to eventually (P.S. Incase nobody else mentons it, on page 281, there is conversation with Antefaulken, Vanelle, and Damien where Tizzy suddenly opens a door even though he is not in the room.)

I personally am not a big fan of all the D&D references. I’ve read too many self published fantasy novels which use Role Playing Games as a crutch. You don’t, but still…

There are a couple places where, well when Hilda describes Talairus’s battle with Tom on page 23 they ask “Surely they gave him help!” But when Hilda watches the balling later on, they are horrified that the priesthood is helping him.